english writing practice

hi guys i was doing a practice gcse description and i was hoping if you could generally tell me some improvements. im aiming for a grade 9 so can you tell if me if good enough and how i can make it better

thanks so much!

Leisurely, my feet sank into the decaying dry soil as I took slow, unsteady steps into the uninviting wilderness.

They gulped down my feet, sinking me downwards, and griming my once clean feet onto a mess. Even through the peering of your fatigued eyes into the murky, impenetrable shadows, nothing but abnormally situated trees encircle your vision. They twisted and turned, before warping into permanent structure of torment – one they suited in this dismal, uninviting climate. The withered twigs contorted in place by the wintry weather, and were glued onto the trunks of the leafless trees; they grasped darkness and played with it like a string, moving it along and forcibly made to encircling the trees, establishing an atmosphere of frightening terror. It seemed like a concrete blanket of bleakness lay upon the trees, one which they had no desire to escape.

Caw! Caw!

Suddenly, an unusual sound could be detected from above the withering, biting clouds, and a gasp of displeasure could be heard escaping my mouth. My breaths instantly turned into monotonous, white clouds in the harsh cold that glided and mingled with the menacing clouds. The blurry figures of black birds soared across the sky, viciously piercing the clouds with their tough wings as they circled around me and danced with the raging clouds. They offered ominous omens, as if they knew my death was approaching; they were waiting for my lonely death in this vast forest. They branded me with doom, seeking for my demise. I collapsed to my knees: the mouldy, vomit-colored soil engulfing me in a revolting, repulsive embrace. As the gusty winds blew past the branches forcing them to sway, making harsh whooshing sounds. The tough branches grazed my frail body, leaving shallow cuts which sent shudders into my core. I could do nothing but watch in acceptance, the merciless wind brutally throwing knives at me.

The was no way to escape the tight clutch the endless trees had on me.

Weakly, my eyes concentrated into the debilitated moon, that shone specks of sparkling light – its frail light barely managing to seep through the clouds. They offered no help in reflecting against the forest, to help guide me to outline the everlasting darkness. My mind wanted to run away from the blood thirsty nature these trees exhibited, as they gazed down at me like I was a prey, a small sheep that could be turned into a bloody mess of intestines and blood. The harsh whispers of the wind blew past me, sounding similar to quiet gasps of laughter.

I could only stay seated and inhale the scent of decaying tree trunks and damp soil that entered my nostrils, immersing me in its utter stench. It tasted so natural, but the thought of this daunting place tasting so pleasurably mouth-watering rendered it painful as it penetrated my mouth, coating me with its filth and leaving a horrendous aftertaste directly on my tongue.

Reply 1

EnigmaChess

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Original post by peachypies

hi guys i was doing a practice gcse description and i was hoping if you could generally tell me some improvements. im aiming for a grade 9 so can you tell if me if good enough and how i can make it better

thanks so much!

Leisurely, my feet sank into the decaying dry soil as I took slow, unsteady steps into the uninviting wilderness.

They gulped down my feet, sinking me downwards, and griming my once clean feet onto a mess. Even through the peering of your fatigued eyes into the murky, impenetrable shadows, nothing but abnormally situated trees encircle your vision. They twisted and turned, before warping into permanent structure of torment – one they suited in this dismal, uninviting climate. The withered twigs contorted in place by the wintry weather, and were glued onto the trunks of the leafless trees; they grasped darkness and played with it like a string, moving it along and forcibly made to encircling the trees, establishing an atmosphere of frightening terror. It seemed like a concrete blanket of bleakness lay upon the trees, one which they had no desire to escape.

Caw! Caw!

Suddenly, an unusual sound could be detected from above the withering, biting clouds, and a gasp of displeasure could be heard escaping my mouth. My breaths instantly turned into monotonous, white clouds in the harsh cold that glided and mingled with the menacing clouds. The blurry figures of black birds soared across the sky, viciously piercing the clouds with their tough wings as they circled around me and danced with the raging clouds. They offered ominous omens, as if they knew my death was approaching; they were waiting for my lonely death in this vast forest. They branded me with doom, seeking for my demise. I collapsed to my knees: the mouldy, vomit-colored soil engulfing me in a revolting, repulsive embrace. As the gusty winds blew past the branches forcing them to sway, making harsh whooshing sounds. The tough branches grazed my frail body, leaving shallow cuts which sent shudders into my core. I could do nothing but watch in acceptance, the merciless wind brutally throwing knives at me.

The was no way to escape the tight clutch the endless trees had on me.

Weakly, my eyes concentrated into the debilitated moon, that shone specks of sparkling light – its frail light barely managing to seep through the clouds. They offered no help in reflecting against the forest, to help guide me to outline the everlasting darkness. My mind wanted to run away from the blood thirsty nature these trees exhibited, as they gazed down at me like I was a prey, a small sheep that could be turned into a bloody mess of intestines and blood. The harsh whispers of the wind blew past me, sounding similar to quiet gasps of laughter.

I could only stay seated and inhale the scent of decaying tree trunks and damp soil that entered my nostrils, immersing me in its utter stench. It tasted so natural, but the thought of this daunting place tasting so pleasurably mouth-watering rendered it painful as it penetrated my mouth, coating me with its filth and leaving a horrendous aftertaste directly on my tongue.