Sharing my story. TW // SA

Hi all, I have decided to share my sexual violence story with you all to help spread awareness for anyone who needs help to remember that you are NOT alone.
When I was 15, I was sexually abused by my 16 year old boyfriend. This boy was a friend to me at first, until we grew closer and had a relationship. In the beginning, our friendship was sweet and we were there for one another. I trusted this boy with my life. I was so wrong. When we started dating, even minutes before, he was already very sexual. On the very first day, he was very sexual. Which already jumps out to me as a huge problem. At this time I was struggling with lots of issues and I would resort to drinking alcohol whether it was for fun or to get my mind off of things going on in my life. The first incident happened when I told my boyfriend I wasn't ready to perform a certain sexual activity. He understood, or so I thought. A few days later, I was very drunk and I barely remember what was going on. It was dark for minutes, then it wasn't, then it was. The only thing I knew is that his penis was in my mouth. I was in pure horror. When I sobered up, I felt disgusted and ashamed. That was the only thing I asked of him. That I DID NOT want to do that. And I thought he understood that? But I was so stupid. It only got worse from there. My boyfriend would inappropriately touch me in public, and I would tell him to stop. One incident he was putting his hands up my skirt and I was sat on his lap, and I wasn't intending to be sexual with him at all. We were on the bus. I only sat on him as we were the only two people on the bus. I told him to stop as there were cameras and I wasn't comfortable, which I shouldn't even have to explain. The second you say 'stop' should be enough. I tried to move and I couldn't. Eventually I got off him and just brushed it off. Every moment where my boyfriend would touch me when I didn't want him to I just ignored. I felt stupid and thought it was normal. Like I should've done more. One night, we were out for dinner with my family. I had way too much to drink and was stumbling around, my boyfriend had to help me walk to the toilets. In the hallway outside the bathrooms he was putting his hands up my dress and I told him no. I said '*****, don't. We're in public.' Sadly this night I was so intoxicated I couldn't remember whether he stopped or not. As the evening went on, I started to feel more drunk. I was blacking out and didn't know what was happening most of the time. My boyfriend and I got home. I remember walking through the door. The next thing I know, he is undressing me. I don't remember anything after that. The next morning I woke up and asked him if we had sex. He said yes. I felt so weird about it. It took me MONTHS to realise what had happened. I talked to my friends about that night saying I was so drunk and didn't remember a thing. They were in sheer horror. Not only this, my boyfriend would talk about me when I wasn't there. And I don't mean 'talk'. He would describe graphic details about our sex life to friends who I wasn't comfortable sharing with. I told him he could talk to ONE close friend, as they were older and could help him with advice. That was our agreement. He completely crossed my boundaries MULTIPLE times. Please remember that you are NOT alone and whatever your story is - the blame lies 100% with the offender. I decided to share my story with all of you to spread awareness on how sick these people are and how they can be ANYONE. Your partner, close friend, neighbour, ANYONE. You NEVER have to report this to the police unless you want to. I did. Drunk consent is NOT consent. It never will be. That is the LAW. I hope I can help some of you out there who are victims of sexual violence. Thank you.

Reply 1

Prof_Rey

It takes great resilience to come out and share such an ordeal. I really do hope you are fairing on well, and life always has a way to turn around and provide certain karma to those who wrong you. What I can tell you is not to bottle it up and whenever you can always speak out.