gcse english language Q2

Could someone mark my english language Q2?

The writer use language here to portray the girls reaction is anxious and frightened. The phrase "fear brushed The edge of her mind" demonstrates to the reader that the child is scared of the earthquake and is trying to find a solution. The adjective 'afraid'portrays the worrying nature of the young girl, as she struggles to take action. Furthermore, the auditory imagery, "terrifying roar"illustrates how the earthquake is playing out in her mind and helps us to understand why she is so scared"the girl trembled in wide-eyed horror "describes her physical reaction to the earthquake as a young girl who's home is been destroyed.

the overall format of the paragraph is well written , but when zooming into certain words in the phrase you may want to show some more detail to the examiner by explaining what the reader/audience might feel , for example The adjective 'afraid'portrays the worrying nature of the young girl, as she struggles to take action , you might what to detail this sentence further by saying " This then presents an anxious tone to the reader as they start to see the young girl's reaction towards the earthquake which then solidifies her frightened compusure" .The further explanation can really show your understanding of the extract , hope this helps