Am I in the wrong?
My dad is verbally and emotionally abusive and treats me and the rest of my family really badly. He is capable of being 'nice' sometimes and he does stuff for us and I'm assuming he loves us like a dad is supposed to, but he is extremely toxic. It's a very toxic situation, can't leave though as we are poor and he has all the money.
He is a narcissist with a martyr complex and has an obsession with wanting us to show or 'prove' our respect for him. He's a traditionalist and expects us to 'know our place' in the house as he's the 'head' of the house and we are to treat him basically like royalty or like he's a God. no matter how he behaves or how he talks to us. It could be worse, he's not physically abusive but the situation is insanely toxic and he's ruined mine and the rest of my family's mental health.
Anyway my main point is he has a weird thing with wanting us to get him presents, for Father's day, Christmas, his birthday etc. I'm not close with him at all, we don't talk as anytime we do he insults or belittles me so I leave the room, I don't know what he likes to do in his spare time apart from shout. I normally buy him the basics as we aren't close - I bought him chocolates he liked once, but he said it wasn't good enough. I then bought him alcohol and food bits for his 'big 50th', he said that wasn't good enough. He says it's not respectful as he buys me everything. (He does, I'm not denying that, but his narcissistic personality means he buys stuff when I've said I wanted to buy it, and then he uses it against me).
I'm at uni now, and every SINGLE time I come home he mentions that Father's Day is coming up, I better get him something nice as he bought me my new phone (which I was about to buy, he just 'beat me to it'). He doesn't want chocolates or alcohol, that's not good enough, he wants something better. As I said I don't know him at all so don't know what to get him, I will probably end up getting him the normal and just have to face him on the day and ignore his shouts and 'you're disrespectful' comments...
I'm not asking for present ideas as anything you'll suggest, he won't like. If I buy him clothes, he'll say he doesn't like them, make him dinner, he'll say he doesn't like it, buy him cute little 'funny' presents that sometimes you get your parents, he'll say I'm being stupid.
I just wanna know if anyone else maybe is in the same or similar situation and if I'm in the wrong in thinking he's being difficult, I'm not being disrespectful, it's just the way he is? As being in such an emotionally manipulative household messes with my head and I get told every day I'm rude and everything, I don't know what to do really..
He is a narcissist with a martyr complex and has an obsession with wanting us to show or 'prove' our respect for him. He's a traditionalist and expects us to 'know our place' in the house as he's the 'head' of the house and we are to treat him basically like royalty or like he's a God. no matter how he behaves or how he talks to us. It could be worse, he's not physically abusive but the situation is insanely toxic and he's ruined mine and the rest of my family's mental health.
Anyway my main point is he has a weird thing with wanting us to get him presents, for Father's day, Christmas, his birthday etc. I'm not close with him at all, we don't talk as anytime we do he insults or belittles me so I leave the room, I don't know what he likes to do in his spare time apart from shout. I normally buy him the basics as we aren't close - I bought him chocolates he liked once, but he said it wasn't good enough. I then bought him alcohol and food bits for his 'big 50th', he said that wasn't good enough. He says it's not respectful as he buys me everything. (He does, I'm not denying that, but his narcissistic personality means he buys stuff when I've said I wanted to buy it, and then he uses it against me).
I'm at uni now, and every SINGLE time I come home he mentions that Father's Day is coming up, I better get him something nice as he bought me my new phone (which I was about to buy, he just 'beat me to it'). He doesn't want chocolates or alcohol, that's not good enough, he wants something better. As I said I don't know him at all so don't know what to get him, I will probably end up getting him the normal and just have to face him on the day and ignore his shouts and 'you're disrespectful' comments...
I'm not asking for present ideas as anything you'll suggest, he won't like. If I buy him clothes, he'll say he doesn't like them, make him dinner, he'll say he doesn't like it, buy him cute little 'funny' presents that sometimes you get your parents, he'll say I'm being stupid.
I just wanna know if anyone else maybe is in the same or similar situation and if I'm in the wrong in thinking he's being difficult, I'm not being disrespectful, it's just the way he is? As being in such an emotionally manipulative household messes with my head and I get told every day I'm rude and everything, I don't know what to do really..
I GET you like this is like my Life that you've just described. Tell you what just go out w/ him to dinner
Original post by *°•._ 𝒯Ø𝓍𝒾𝒸_.•°*
I GET you like this is like my Life that you've just described. Tell you what just go out w/ him to dinner
He never leaves the house and has no friends (unsurprisingly) so I have no clue what restaurants he likes. I'm guessing he would maybe like that but as a surprise, if I asked him where he wanted to go he'd probably get annoyed and say he had to tell me where to take him.
And if I did do that, I'd have to sit through hours of him complaining about the food and the service and even the people sitting near him.
Some therapy sessions? Lol
Have you asked him what he wants? If he doesn't tell you, I would just get him something generic - sounds like he is not going to be grateful whatever you get him anyway. Maybe pay for him to get some kind of experience - maybe a flight lesson or something?
Have you asked him what he wants? If he doesn't tell you, I would just get him something generic - sounds like he is not going to be grateful whatever you get him anyway. Maybe pay for him to get some kind of experience - maybe a flight lesson or something?
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