How do I stop thinking like this?
I constantly overthink every situation and I always think people are judging me when I am out and about how do I stop thinking like this?
Bump
Original post by Anonymous
I constantly overthink every situation and I always think people are judging me when I am out and about how do I stop thinking like this?
Haha this was so me like a year ago.
Here’s an insight someone told me:
More often than not, people think about themselves and how they appear to others way more than how others appear to them.
Everyone in this life is improvising; they act the way they think to act. When you’re out and about, who would care more about what you do or what you look like when they’re probably thinking more about what they need to buy at the grocery store, or if what they’re wearing looks sh*t because you’re looking back at them? They do what they do and look the way they look. It’s not that deep even if they stare, so why bother worrying? Most humans on your daily outing are just there doing what they need to do.
If you feel that people are watching you just as you’re going about your day, train yourself to think it’s because of a positive reason. A hard thing sometimes, I know.
Human brains have the natural tendency to observe others and compare with themselves. It’s how evolutional survival works.
You might be worried about mean b**ches who look like they’re judging you. What are the odds that they’re just trying to appear to others like mean bi**ches to prevent others from trying to judge them back? It’s like predator and prey, but some are sheep with wolf masks on.
Just remember that everyone has a story of their own; you won’t see most of the people you come across in your daily outings ever again, so make good impressions by not giving a dam*. Most people who taunt and tease feed off visible insecurity. Look like you’ve got things to be getting on with. Look like you’re on a mission where nobody should get in your way. Even if you see these people again, their short term memory would forget about you especially when it’s only like 5 seconds max that they saw you.
Life’s a massive stage, and the showing is an improv show.
~ Haneul_Sol
sounds like you're experiencing social anxiety. this is also something i've suffered with in the past. as i've gotten older and been in therapy for a couple of years, i've found lots of ways of thinking and things to ask myself to help with it. i also think it's something that comes with maturity.
i always used to ask myself 'what would i think if someone else were in that situation?' - i remember this one time when i was at school, i was getting on the bus and i tripped as i went up the stairs. i completely freaked out and thought everyone else on the bus was judging/laughing at me. but then i asked myself 'what would i think if it was someone else that had just done this and i was the one watching them?' chances are, most people are decent and if anything would be more concerned that the person was okay. i know i would. hopefully if you're a decent person, you would too. some people might laugh, sure, but usually it's more of a friendly laugh to try and 'brush it off', not because they're genuinely being horrible or judging you for it that much. but i can assure you, give it 5 minutes and most people will have forgotten it even happened, because usually they're more concerned by themselves or their own problems to even be thinking about what you're doing all the time. look at your surroundings. look at what everyone else around you is actually doing. is there any evidence they're judging you? are they looking at you? are they laughing? are there actually any signs that they care? usually the answer will be no. so take a step back, take a few deep breaths if you need to, and tell yourself that clearly no one does care because there is no evidence for it.
in a way, social anxiety is a bit selfish. and i'm not in any way saying i think you're a selfish or bad person for thinking the way you do, but just because what is making you think that other people would want to spend all their time and energy focusing on what you're doing all the time? what is making you think that they don't have their own things to think about or their own worries? what makes you think that they might not even be having similar thoughts as you do? it's very common.
chances are, if you think like this, you're probably very self-critical and hold yourself to high standards. you'll bash yourself over the smallest mistakes. i know i did. but just remember, no one is perfect. no one. everyone makes mistakes, everyone accidentally says things the wrong way sometimes or everyone accidentally does something stupid sometimes. it doesn't matter. what does matter is whether or not you had good intentions. say you're having a conversation with someone, and when talking to them you accidentally phrase something slightly wrong and it comes off as offensive. you apologise and you make it very clear it was not your intention to try hurt them in any way. it was an honest mistake. that's what counts; you took responsibility for your actions and made it very clear you were not trying to be rude. that's what makes you a good person. if the person you are talking to is decent, they will appreciate your apology and brush it off. if they hold it against you, maybe you should consider that in fact it's not you that's the problem, but them. think to yourself, would i treat a friend like this? would i criticise a friend like this? no, because that's unpleasant and would make them feel horrible about themselves. so be kinder to yourself, why would you not deserve any better?
in terms of overthinking, again try and look at it from other people's perspectives. do you really think they're going to want to spend loads of time reading into every little thing you said or something you did? no, because like i said, most people are decent people and have better things to do. the ones that aren't are not worth your time and tend to have issues themselves. they're the ones in the wrong, not you. everytime you catch yourself overthinking something, just keep telling yourself that people really are not going to want to spend ages analysing your behaviour. they are too worried about themselves, just as you are too worried about yourself. just brush it off. you're human and you're not perfect. and that's okay. as soon as you catch yourself overthinking something, force it out of your mind. find something else to do or think about to distract yourself. just keep reminding yourself that you were not trying to do anything wrong and that is what counts.
i'm going to assume that you're probably also not the most confident person around and may struggle with low self-esteem. i suggest you find ways to improve this. stop being so self-critical, try and look at all the positive things about yourself such as what you're good at. i aways remember everytime i did something i thought was wrong the voice in my head would start saying things and calling me names like 'you're such an idiot' or 'everyone hates you.' stop this. like i said before, would you think like this about a friend? no, so be kinder to yourself, you deserve to be treated nicely as well.
in conclusion, i suggest you try to learn to just brush things off more and not hold yourself to high standards. you are human and you make mistakes, as does every living thing on this earth. no one is perfect. if you wouldn't think like that about someone else, why would you think about yourself like that or why do you think they'd think like that about you? try to focus on the positives, not the negatives. if you try to be a good person then that's what counts. if you can, i suggest you look into getting therapy or counselling, as methods such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) will help you catch and challenge your thoughts. i hope this makes sense, and wishing you all the best for the future. it will get better
i always used to ask myself 'what would i think if someone else were in that situation?' - i remember this one time when i was at school, i was getting on the bus and i tripped as i went up the stairs. i completely freaked out and thought everyone else on the bus was judging/laughing at me. but then i asked myself 'what would i think if it was someone else that had just done this and i was the one watching them?' chances are, most people are decent and if anything would be more concerned that the person was okay. i know i would. hopefully if you're a decent person, you would too. some people might laugh, sure, but usually it's more of a friendly laugh to try and 'brush it off', not because they're genuinely being horrible or judging you for it that much. but i can assure you, give it 5 minutes and most people will have forgotten it even happened, because usually they're more concerned by themselves or their own problems to even be thinking about what you're doing all the time. look at your surroundings. look at what everyone else around you is actually doing. is there any evidence they're judging you? are they looking at you? are they laughing? are there actually any signs that they care? usually the answer will be no. so take a step back, take a few deep breaths if you need to, and tell yourself that clearly no one does care because there is no evidence for it.
in a way, social anxiety is a bit selfish. and i'm not in any way saying i think you're a selfish or bad person for thinking the way you do, but just because what is making you think that other people would want to spend all their time and energy focusing on what you're doing all the time? what is making you think that they don't have their own things to think about or their own worries? what makes you think that they might not even be having similar thoughts as you do? it's very common.
chances are, if you think like this, you're probably very self-critical and hold yourself to high standards. you'll bash yourself over the smallest mistakes. i know i did. but just remember, no one is perfect. no one. everyone makes mistakes, everyone accidentally says things the wrong way sometimes or everyone accidentally does something stupid sometimes. it doesn't matter. what does matter is whether or not you had good intentions. say you're having a conversation with someone, and when talking to them you accidentally phrase something slightly wrong and it comes off as offensive. you apologise and you make it very clear it was not your intention to try hurt them in any way. it was an honest mistake. that's what counts; you took responsibility for your actions and made it very clear you were not trying to be rude. that's what makes you a good person. if the person you are talking to is decent, they will appreciate your apology and brush it off. if they hold it against you, maybe you should consider that in fact it's not you that's the problem, but them. think to yourself, would i treat a friend like this? would i criticise a friend like this? no, because that's unpleasant and would make them feel horrible about themselves. so be kinder to yourself, why would you not deserve any better?
in terms of overthinking, again try and look at it from other people's perspectives. do you really think they're going to want to spend loads of time reading into every little thing you said or something you did? no, because like i said, most people are decent people and have better things to do. the ones that aren't are not worth your time and tend to have issues themselves. they're the ones in the wrong, not you. everytime you catch yourself overthinking something, just keep telling yourself that people really are not going to want to spend ages analysing your behaviour. they are too worried about themselves, just as you are too worried about yourself. just brush it off. you're human and you're not perfect. and that's okay. as soon as you catch yourself overthinking something, force it out of your mind. find something else to do or think about to distract yourself. just keep reminding yourself that you were not trying to do anything wrong and that is what counts.
i'm going to assume that you're probably also not the most confident person around and may struggle with low self-esteem. i suggest you find ways to improve this. stop being so self-critical, try and look at all the positive things about yourself such as what you're good at. i aways remember everytime i did something i thought was wrong the voice in my head would start saying things and calling me names like 'you're such an idiot' or 'everyone hates you.' stop this. like i said before, would you think like this about a friend? no, so be kinder to yourself, you deserve to be treated nicely as well.
in conclusion, i suggest you try to learn to just brush things off more and not hold yourself to high standards. you are human and you make mistakes, as does every living thing on this earth. no one is perfect. if you wouldn't think like that about someone else, why would you think about yourself like that or why do you think they'd think like that about you? try to focus on the positives, not the negatives. if you try to be a good person then that's what counts. if you can, i suggest you look into getting therapy or counselling, as methods such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) will help you catch and challenge your thoughts. i hope this makes sense, and wishing you all the best for the future. it will get better
(edited 11 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I constantly overthink every situation and I always think people are judging me when I am out and about how do I stop thinking like this?
For the Love of God, why should you care what others think?
Let me let you in a little secret
Recovering porn addict here + recent vicitm of scamming incident. Word got out in school about my porn problem in the past. It has been 2 months. And I have felt so bad about it, because many judged me. But turns out, actually, that is true, that some did judge me, but I had an epiphany, today.
Why the hell should I care what others think? I mean, people will gossip, people will talk thrash behind your back. So what? You cannot control it. The moment you accept that, you will be instantly happy.
As for overthinking, talk with someone you trust about this. That will be my best advice.
