scared my friends are going to leave me now a levels are ending
i cant help but feel like now a levels are over and we aren’t physically in college together, most/all of my friends are going to gradually “get rid” of me.
realistically i know it’s my own insecurity, every little thing makes me think that it’s over and i’m going to be left alone and i know it’s irrational but i can’t seem to stop thinking about it. i’ve tried to make plans for summer with them and people tend to stop responding in the group chat before it goes anywhere real, i’ve tried to message friends individually and suggest things to do but they’re “busy” and yet don’t seem motivated to hang out at another time. it’s even happening with my best friend, who i feel like has replaced me to an extent with someone else — i mostly feel okay when we’re together in person, but it’s so difficult to see her in person outside of college because she’s constantly with this other person and i feel like she’s never motivated to see me despite being my best friend for the past two years. i’m the only one in our group going to uni this year/at all, and i feel like over summer i’ll end up being left with no one, and especially once i leave for uni they’ll completely forget i exist. i’m just scared i guess.
realistically i know it’s my own insecurity, every little thing makes me think that it’s over and i’m going to be left alone and i know it’s irrational but i can’t seem to stop thinking about it. i’ve tried to make plans for summer with them and people tend to stop responding in the group chat before it goes anywhere real, i’ve tried to message friends individually and suggest things to do but they’re “busy” and yet don’t seem motivated to hang out at another time. it’s even happening with my best friend, who i feel like has replaced me to an extent with someone else — i mostly feel okay when we’re together in person, but it’s so difficult to see her in person outside of college because she’s constantly with this other person and i feel like she’s never motivated to see me despite being my best friend for the past two years. i’m the only one in our group going to uni this year/at all, and i feel like over summer i’ll end up being left with no one, and especially once i leave for uni they’ll completely forget i exist. i’m just scared i guess.
leave them first - i honestly did this in at gcse time and just in contact with 2 friends, 1 from the friend group and another just a friend. Honestly it feels amazing knowing you've got rid of them and cut them off and don't have to deal with it. In my college now i wasn't really bothered about making friends but was tiny bit scared as no one was here i knew - made a freind on the day and most after through freinds of friends.
Stand up for yourself - i didn't, but have now, you deserve better - enjoy the summer, have experiences, make new freindships
you got this!!
Stand up for yourself - i didn't, but have now, you deserve better - enjoy the summer, have experiences, make new freindships
you got this!!
Spoiler
Before I start writing, I want to reassure you that I too have felt the same as you at one point.
There are two scenarios that could happen right now.
The first, which is the one myself and you will be hoping for, is that your friends are experiencing post-exam burnout and genuinely feel drained to make any social commitment. Like many students, they will be going through a kind of hibernation at home to recuperate and regain all the energy lost over exam season. As time passes, the urge to meet each other will eventually be rekindled and you will all be back to your regular selves - though this process happens at different times for everyone so you should be patient.
The second scenario is a harder pill to swallow. As critical events happen in life, and this goes for the entire lifespan from childhood to adulthood, we're thrown and tossed around in the waves of change. There are some things we can hold on to and keep as the status quo, like family relationships and personal attitudes/values, but other things inevitably slip out of our grasp despite us not wanting it to. And unfortunately, friendships are subject to these changes. People change and prioritise different things, find other interests... but this should never mean you need to change to keep up with them and try to change their mind. No, you'll simply be walking on on another path, just like them, and meet new people, make new experiences, laugh, cry and smile in ways you have never done before. Wanting to cling to the past because it's comfortable is something all humans are guilty of, but it is only after you dive in head first to the deep end that you realise it isn't so bad, in fact, it might even be better.
There are two scenarios that could happen right now.
The first, which is the one myself and you will be hoping for, is that your friends are experiencing post-exam burnout and genuinely feel drained to make any social commitment. Like many students, they will be going through a kind of hibernation at home to recuperate and regain all the energy lost over exam season. As time passes, the urge to meet each other will eventually be rekindled and you will all be back to your regular selves - though this process happens at different times for everyone so you should be patient.
The second scenario is a harder pill to swallow. As critical events happen in life, and this goes for the entire lifespan from childhood to adulthood, we're thrown and tossed around in the waves of change. There are some things we can hold on to and keep as the status quo, like family relationships and personal attitudes/values, but other things inevitably slip out of our grasp despite us not wanting it to. And unfortunately, friendships are subject to these changes. People change and prioritise different things, find other interests... but this should never mean you need to change to keep up with them and try to change their mind. No, you'll simply be walking on on another path, just like them, and meet new people, make new experiences, laugh, cry and smile in ways you have never done before. Wanting to cling to the past because it's comfortable is something all humans are guilty of, but it is only after you dive in head first to the deep end that you realise it isn't so bad, in fact, it might even be better.
I think something people often get hung up on is that they feel friends and friendships are supposed to be for life, and if they aren't then there was some kind of failing involved. While sometimes you may make a lifelong friend here and there, for the most part friendships come and go and are dependent on the specific time and context they were made in.
I thought I was pretty close with my friends in 6th form but after 6th form ended, we pretty quickly drifted apart; I realised after that our closeness was mainly just due to proximity, we saw eachother so much and spent so much time together by necessity that we became friends for that reason. Without that connection of school, we didn't have as much in common. I then made much better friends at uni (which then after leaving that uni, more slowly drifted apart) and through my personal interests in gaming and such (which tended to be more shortlived in most cases, but I found some very fast friends through that as well!).
It's very normal for people to grow apart and move on - sometimes this may be more onesided than mutual which can hurt at the time, but if it's not going to last, it's not going to last. You just need to recognise you will inevitably make as good (or better!) friends as you go forward. And yes, those too may fade or end with time. You just need to focus on the experience at the time and enjoy that you had the opportunity to have it, even if it ends.
I thought I was pretty close with my friends in 6th form but after 6th form ended, we pretty quickly drifted apart; I realised after that our closeness was mainly just due to proximity, we saw eachother so much and spent so much time together by necessity that we became friends for that reason. Without that connection of school, we didn't have as much in common. I then made much better friends at uni (which then after leaving that uni, more slowly drifted apart) and through my personal interests in gaming and such (which tended to be more shortlived in most cases, but I found some very fast friends through that as well!).
It's very normal for people to grow apart and move on - sometimes this may be more onesided than mutual which can hurt at the time, but if it's not going to last, it's not going to last. You just need to recognise you will inevitably make as good (or better!) friends as you go forward. And yes, those too may fade or end with time. You just need to focus on the experience at the time and enjoy that you had the opportunity to have it, even if it ends.
(edited 10 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
i cant help but feel like now a levels are over and we aren’t physically in college together, most/all of my friends are going to gradually “get rid” of me.
realistically i know it’s my own insecurity, every little thing makes me think that it’s over and i’m going to be left alone and i know it’s irrational but i can’t seem to stop thinking about it. i’ve tried to make plans for summer with them and people tend to stop responding in the group chat before it goes anywhere real, i’ve tried to message friends individually and suggest things to do but they’re “busy” and yet don’t seem motivated to hang out at another time. it’s even happening with my best friend, who i feel like has replaced me to an extent with someone else — i mostly feel okay when we’re together in person, but it’s so difficult to see her in person outside of college because she’s constantly with this other person and i feel like she’s never motivated to see me despite being my best friend for the past two years. i’m the only one in our group going to uni this year/at all, and i feel like over summer i’ll end up being left with no one, and especially once i leave for uni they’ll completely forget i exist. i’m just scared i guess.
realistically i know it’s my own insecurity, every little thing makes me think that it’s over and i’m going to be left alone and i know it’s irrational but i can’t seem to stop thinking about it. i’ve tried to make plans for summer with them and people tend to stop responding in the group chat before it goes anywhere real, i’ve tried to message friends individually and suggest things to do but they’re “busy” and yet don’t seem motivated to hang out at another time. it’s even happening with my best friend, who i feel like has replaced me to an extent with someone else — i mostly feel okay when we’re together in person, but it’s so difficult to see her in person outside of college because she’s constantly with this other person and i feel like she’s never motivated to see me despite being my best friend for the past two years. i’m the only one in our group going to uni this year/at all, and i feel like over summer i’ll end up being left with no one, and especially once i leave for uni they’ll completely forget i exist. i’m just scared i guess.
This happened with my daughter. Her sixth form friends drifted apart. Best thing she ever did was go to uni, she found her real friends, ones who really matter, and you will too. Just make sure you add youself to the fresher group chats on social media, and also join a range of societies, and say hi to people in your subject when you have lectures so you get to know a range of people and have little friendship groups in various places
