I’ve possibly ruined my entire future because of this.
I’m 18, and I had plans to go to medical school.
Since 2020 I’ve been doing absolutely nothing. Pandemic hit, school was closed and that has changed my schedule permanently since. Finished my GCSEs and got straight As and A*s studying at home, and pretty much dropped out of school in 2021, as in I did the rest of my studying by myself and got an A in bio, and am going to take my other 2 a levels in october of this year.
The reason I’m a consistent screw-up is because I’ve messed up my a levels for 1 year now. Not by getting bad grades, but by having absolutely no motivation to do anything and just laying in bed on my phone all day. Because of this, I’ve ruined my chances of getting into med school because as you guessed it I didn’t study for my upcoming exams in October.
I feel like it has to do with me being at home for 3 years, but I just can’t motivate myself to do anything. I sleep for too many hours a day, wake up at like 3pm after sleeping at 5am, stay in my room all day, don’t eat much food, don’t study, don’t drink enough water, etc.
I’ve messed up my a levels by not studying multiple times now, but the problem is that I *know* I can do well. I self studied the entire AS course and in the exam I got straight As in pretty much every component. I self studied A2 bio at home and got an A with 1 and a half month of studying. But still I couldn’t bring myself to be productive at all in the past year or so.
I know this entire post is just word soup, forgive me because I’m not very good at articulating myself when dumping all my issues to anonymous people online. I have a lot more to say but have absolutely no idea how to say it. My parents are getting fed up with me postponing my exams because of lack of study.
What is wrong with me? Why are all my friends and family in uni already? Why can’t I do anything right? I’ve been sitting doing nothing for 3/4 of the last 3 years
I was going to take my Physics and Chemistry A-level exams in October 2022, didn’t study for them and got bad grades. Was going to take composite exams in May/June 2023, didn’t study and got bad grades. Now October is coming up and I have 2.5-3 months until my exams but I still haven’t studied at all. I can barely even get out of bed to pick up a pen. I can barely even motivate myself to brush me teeth.
I want to change but I’ve consistently screwed up massively. I’m not trying to make this post a pity party but I guess I just want to put this out there because my parents don’t really believe in concepts like mental health issues, and I have nobody else to talk to.
I guess not being productive for 3 years straight has taken a severe toll on my health. I don’t know where to re-start everything though. I might not even pursue medical school now, and I know for a fact that my parents have given up hope on their dream of me going to medical school because I’ve overheard them talking to one another about me doing another field like Law or Biomedical sciences. But trust me, they are not happy about this. They think I’m a disappointment. I have nowhere else to go guys I really need some direction and help.
Sorry for this post being so poor and unstructured, I haven’t really found a good way to articulate all of my thoughts on this yet.
Thank you for reading this if you got this far.