I suppose this is more of a rant that I need to get out without worrying my loved ones, but I would still appreciate any sort of guidance.
I moved to Uni last week for the first time. It's been a totally emotional rollercoaster.
The first two days were terrible. I couldn't eat properly and was only getting about 8 hours of sleep total over 48 hours. Miserable. I've had a really hard time adjusting and feel so lost, confused and honestly frightened. I'm still struggling to get three meals a day in.
I've had major battles with my mental health, but none have been this severe since I was 13. I feel like I am severely overreacting and honestly feel like I am being a baby. It's so hard juggling with your self-esteem when you're telling yourself that you can't do this, and I just don't know what to do.
My dear friends, and one in particular, has been looking out for me and has been truly amazing support. But I feel so guilty, I ask him not to worry or message me yet he still does and insists it doesn't bother him. I don't know what I've done to deserve him, and without him, I honestly would've left by now.
But I'm scared that if I leave, I'll regret this decision, disappoint not only my dear friend, but my family - who were so excited for me to begin this journey. I'm also scared of the hypotheticals if I do decide to leave, or do not - finding a job (if I leave), having bad days like this again (if I stay).
I've been ringing my family once or twice every other day, and they've been totally supportive (and, shamefully, I have been worrying them - which i feel beyond guilty about), offering to get me if I needed or to 'take things a day at a time'. Which has brought a bit of comfort.
Now here where it gets confusing. Yesterday, was a bearable day, I was feeling alright and excited. But today, I've woken up totally anxious and disheartened. I always feel homesick and frightened when I first wake up. I don't know what's going on with me. I have a phone call with my student advisor tomorrow who I hope will offer me advice or send me in the direction of where I can get some.
I'm indecisive, anxious and totally homesick. I don't know what to do. It's dreadful and I can't get my mind in order, and whilst I know I need to learn to live away from home, I just feel like this experience has made it somewhat traumatic for me to do so.
I feel like this goes a lot deeper than homesickness. Or, maybe I'm overreacting. I know everyone goes through something similar but when I'm told this it just makes me feel worse.
I'm sorry. I'm desperate and don't know what to do.
Thanks for reading.