Can you live a full life if you're alone?
Before I start this post, I just want to say that I know the typical advice for this type of situation is either "just push yourself to socialise"/"just make friends" or to see some type of therapist/counsellor/welfare officer. PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT THAT ADVICE, there is nothing a professional could say to me and I have tried to "just make friends" so many times and faced countless humiliations because I have a vibe that other people instantly pick up on which makes them not want to be around me.
I'm a 20 year old female uni student and I have never had a friend or a relationship in my life. Don't get me wrong, I know I have a privileged life compared to most people and don't really have any right to complain but this post is just to vent/ask for advice.
I've never had a friend or relationship in my life and that is not an exaggeration. I have always been quite a quiet person but even when I really push myself to socialise and am the most talkative one in the room, people pick up on a strange vibe I have that tells them they don't want to be around me. My family don't believe me when I tell them that and say it's just because I'm being quiet but I genuinely am not, I could go up to every person in the room and start a conversation with them, ask questions, listen and carry on the conversation and without fail 100% of the time they would end up making mocking faces at their friends across the room and just letting the conversation die off until I get sick of constantly propping it up and just let it end. I just have something missing but I don't know what it is, like I'm not quite a full person and I'm something lesser, which other people instantly pick up on without me knowing why.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not made to be close to other people and that that's okay because there are other things for me. I am academically gifted and I can have a good career. I thought I had pretty much accepted this but since coming to uni and living away from family for the first time I'm sometimes a bit struck by just how alone I am and the fact that this will always be my life. It also hurts to see how happy other people my age are and to be reminded that I'm missing out on what should be the best years of my life. Other people are out living their lives while I'm in my room every night getting drunk enough to forget how lonely I am. I know there are other things for me but I can't stop feeling like if I don't have other people in my life then no matter how good my studies/career is and no matter how many hobbies I have, I will always just be a loser because I'm alone.
So my question really is, can I live a full life if I'm alone or will I always just be a loser? and how can I better accept my situation and feel more positive about the fact I will never really have human connection?
(again, please don't comment any variation of "just make friends" or "talk to a professional)
I'm a 20 year old female uni student and I have never had a friend or a relationship in my life. Don't get me wrong, I know I have a privileged life compared to most people and don't really have any right to complain but this post is just to vent/ask for advice.
I've never had a friend or relationship in my life and that is not an exaggeration. I have always been quite a quiet person but even when I really push myself to socialise and am the most talkative one in the room, people pick up on a strange vibe I have that tells them they don't want to be around me. My family don't believe me when I tell them that and say it's just because I'm being quiet but I genuinely am not, I could go up to every person in the room and start a conversation with them, ask questions, listen and carry on the conversation and without fail 100% of the time they would end up making mocking faces at their friends across the room and just letting the conversation die off until I get sick of constantly propping it up and just let it end. I just have something missing but I don't know what it is, like I'm not quite a full person and I'm something lesser, which other people instantly pick up on without me knowing why.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not made to be close to other people and that that's okay because there are other things for me. I am academically gifted and I can have a good career. I thought I had pretty much accepted this but since coming to uni and living away from family for the first time I'm sometimes a bit struck by just how alone I am and the fact that this will always be my life. It also hurts to see how happy other people my age are and to be reminded that I'm missing out on what should be the best years of my life. Other people are out living their lives while I'm in my room every night getting drunk enough to forget how lonely I am. I know there are other things for me but I can't stop feeling like if I don't have other people in my life then no matter how good my studies/career is and no matter how many hobbies I have, I will always just be a loser because I'm alone.
So my question really is, can I live a full life if I'm alone or will I always just be a loser? and how can I better accept my situation and feel more positive about the fact I will never really have human connection?
(again, please don't comment any variation of "just make friends" or "talk to a professional)
My advice is to get a pet. A dog or cat can act as substitutes for human connection and help reduce feelings of loneliness.
Maybe its also worth finding out what it is you're doing wrong so you can avoid it? Perhaps ask a family member or someone nice for their honest opinion as to why people are being put off by you?
Also drinking away loneliness is not a good idea and could lead to alcoholism if you don't stop.
Maybe its also worth finding out what it is you're doing wrong so you can avoid it? Perhaps ask a family member or someone nice for their honest opinion as to why people are being put off by you?
Also drinking away loneliness is not a good idea and could lead to alcoholism if you don't stop.
Original post by Anonymous
Before I start this post, I just want to say that I know the typical advice for this type of situation is either "just push yourself to socialise"/"just make friends" or to see some type of therapist/counsellor/welfare officer. PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT THAT ADVICE, there is nothing a professional could say to me and I have tried to "just make friends" so many times and faced countless humiliations because I have a vibe that other people instantly pick up on which makes them not want to be around me.
I'm a 20 year old female uni student and I have never had a friend or a relationship in my life. Don't get me wrong, I know I have a privileged life compared to most people and don't really have any right to complain but this post is just to vent/ask for advice.
I've never had a friend or relationship in my life and that is not an exaggeration. I have always been quite a quiet person but even when I really push myself to socialise and am the most talkative one in the room, people pick up on a strange vibe I have that tells them they don't want to be around me. My family don't believe me when I tell them that and say it's just because I'm being quiet but I genuinely am not, I could go up to every person in the room and start a conversation with them, ask questions, listen and carry on the conversation and without fail 100% of the time they would end up making mocking faces at their friends across the room and just letting the conversation die off until I get sick of constantly propping it up and just let it end. I just have something missing but I don't know what it is, like I'm not quite a full person and I'm something lesser, which other people instantly pick up on without me knowing why.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not made to be close to other people and that that's okay because there are other things for me. I am academically gifted and I can have a good career. I thought I had pretty much accepted this but since coming to uni and living away from family for the first time I'm sometimes a bit struck by just how alone I am and the fact that this will always be my life. It also hurts to see how happy other people my age are and to be reminded that I'm missing out on what should be the best years of my life. Other people are out living their lives while I'm in my room every night getting drunk enough to forget how lonely I am. I know there are other things for me but I can't stop feeling like if I don't have other people in my life then no matter how good my studies/career is and no matter how many hobbies I have, I will always just be a loser because I'm alone.
So my question really is, can I live a full life if I'm alone or will I always just be a loser? and how can I better accept my situation and feel more positive about the fact I will never really have human connection?
(again, please don't comment any variation of "just make friends" or "talk to a professional)
I'm a 20 year old female uni student and I have never had a friend or a relationship in my life. Don't get me wrong, I know I have a privileged life compared to most people and don't really have any right to complain but this post is just to vent/ask for advice.
I've never had a friend or relationship in my life and that is not an exaggeration. I have always been quite a quiet person but even when I really push myself to socialise and am the most talkative one in the room, people pick up on a strange vibe I have that tells them they don't want to be around me. My family don't believe me when I tell them that and say it's just because I'm being quiet but I genuinely am not, I could go up to every person in the room and start a conversation with them, ask questions, listen and carry on the conversation and without fail 100% of the time they would end up making mocking faces at their friends across the room and just letting the conversation die off until I get sick of constantly propping it up and just let it end. I just have something missing but I don't know what it is, like I'm not quite a full person and I'm something lesser, which other people instantly pick up on without me knowing why.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not made to be close to other people and that that's okay because there are other things for me. I am academically gifted and I can have a good career. I thought I had pretty much accepted this but since coming to uni and living away from family for the first time I'm sometimes a bit struck by just how alone I am and the fact that this will always be my life. It also hurts to see how happy other people my age are and to be reminded that I'm missing out on what should be the best years of my life. Other people are out living their lives while I'm in my room every night getting drunk enough to forget how lonely I am. I know there are other things for me but I can't stop feeling like if I don't have other people in my life then no matter how good my studies/career is and no matter how many hobbies I have, I will always just be a loser because I'm alone.
So my question really is, can I live a full life if I'm alone or will I always just be a loser? and how can I better accept my situation and feel more positive about the fact I will never really have human connection?
(again, please don't comment any variation of "just make friends" or "talk to a professional)
If you mean full life as in happy, you defo can - you can travel solo, do what ever you want without worrying about someone. I know it must feel horrible, seeing everyone with their friends, especially online but that doesn't mean you cant have fun. Just because you don't have any friends doesn't make you a loser. You're only 20, you still have your whole life infront of you too.
Not only that but you can get pets if you are lonely! Pets are such a cliche thing to say but they really do help and somehow fill a room? You don't realise they impact until you have one or lose one.
You could just start making a list of things you wanna do, places you wanna go so you do have something to look forward too. Remember that you're stuck in uni, there are people on the other side of the world that will love you and want to be ur friend.
Not only this but have you tried making online friends? You could try and talk to people online via groupchats or videogames? At least that way, you have some sort of human interaction. Plus, seeing as your not talking in person and your bonding online, they probably wont sense this vibe.
Please do not get drunk by yourself in your room, you'll probably end up more upset and could lead to an addiction.
Has anyone told you or hinted at this "strange vibe"? Do you have any clues and therefore able to fix it? They all sound like losers, not you.
Original post by Anonymous
My advice is to get a pet. A dog or cat can act as substitutes for human connection and help reduce feelings of loneliness.
Maybe its also worth finding out what it is you're doing wrong so you can avoid it? Perhaps ask a family member or someone nice for their honest opinion as to why people are being put off by you?
Also drinking away loneliness is not a good idea and could lead to alcoholism if you don't stop.
Maybe its also worth finding out what it is you're doing wrong so you can avoid it? Perhaps ask a family member or someone nice for their honest opinion as to why people are being put off by you?
Also drinking away loneliness is not a good idea and could lead to alcoholism if you don't stop.
I have asked people and they just say I'm being quiet but I don't think I am, I'm constantly starting convserattons its just that other people aren't reciprocating so when I run out of things to ask it just sort of trails off
Original post by Anonymous
If you mean full life as in happy, you defo can - you can travel solo, do what ever you want without worrying about someone. I know it must feel horrible, seeing everyone with their friends, especially online but that doesn't mean you cant have fun. Just because you don't have any friends doesn't make you a loser. You're only 20, you still have your whole life infront of you too.
Not only that but you can get pets if you are lonely! Pets are such a cliche thing to say but they really do help and somehow fill a room? You don't realise they impact until you have one or lose one.
You could just start making a list of things you wanna do, places you wanna go so you do have something to look forward too. Remember that you're stuck in uni, there are people on the other side of the world that will love you and want to be ur friend.
Not only this but have you tried making online friends? You could try and talk to people online via groupchats or videogames? At least that way, you have some sort of human interaction. Plus, seeing as your not talking in person and your bonding online, they probably wont sense this vibe.
Please do not get drunk by yourself in your room, you'll probably end up more upset and could lead to an addiction.
Has anyone told you or hinted at this "strange vibe"? Do you have any clues and therefore able to fix it? They all sound like losers, not you.
Not only that but you can get pets if you are lonely! Pets are such a cliche thing to say but they really do help and somehow fill a room? You don't realise they impact until you have one or lose one.
You could just start making a list of things you wanna do, places you wanna go so you do have something to look forward too. Remember that you're stuck in uni, there are people on the other side of the world that will love you and want to be ur friend.
Not only this but have you tried making online friends? You could try and talk to people online via groupchats or videogames? At least that way, you have some sort of human interaction. Plus, seeing as your not talking in person and your bonding online, they probably wont sense this vibe.
Please do not get drunk by yourself in your room, you'll probably end up more upset and could lead to an addiction.
Has anyone told you or hinted at this "strange vibe"? Do you have any clues and therefore able to fix it? They all sound like losers, not you.
I'm a girl so I'm worried about the dangers of solo travelling/going out alone at night unfortunately.
and no one has outright told me about the strange vibe but I just get the sense that people are in some way sick of me or are mocking me, like as I kind of mentioned in the post they don't make any attempt to carry on a conversation and I have constantly be the one to ask them things and fill in the awkward silences
Original post by Anonymous
I'm a girl so I'm worried about the dangers of solo travelling/going out alone at night unfortunately.
and no one has outright told me about the strange vibe but I just get the sense that people are in some way sick of me or are mocking me, like as I kind of mentioned in the post they don't make any attempt to carry on a conversation and I have constantly be the one to ask them things and fill in the awkward silences
and no one has outright told me about the strange vibe but I just get the sense that people are in some way sick of me or are mocking me, like as I kind of mentioned in the post they don't make any attempt to carry on a conversation and I have constantly be the one to ask them things and fill in the awkward silences
There are many women who travel solo! You can search it up on tiktok and there will be girls who make videos about staying safe, which countries they liked the most etc. Theres defo info out there but i understand your fear.
Also seeing as your in uni, is there any chance you can do an exchange year and study abroad? You can try and make new friends and connections from a diff country?
Also the fact that no one has told you or you havent heard whats wrong with you just shows how there most likely the problem. How are you supposed to improve if you dont understand whats wrong?
Original post by Anonymous
Before I start this post, I just want to say that I know the typical advice for this type of situation is either "just push yourself to socialise"/"just make friends" or to see some type of therapist/counsellor/welfare officer. PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT THAT ADVICE, there is nothing a professional could say to me and I have tried to "just make friends" so many times and faced countless humiliations because I have a vibe that other people instantly pick up on which makes them not want to be around me.
I'm a 20 year old female uni student and I have never had a friend or a relationship in my life. Don't get me wrong, I know I have a privileged life compared to most people and don't really have any right to complain but this post is just to vent/ask for advice.
I've never had a friend or relationship in my life and that is not an exaggeration. I have always been quite a quiet person but even when I really push myself to socialise and am the most talkative one in the room, people pick up on a strange vibe I have that tells them they don't want to be around me. My family don't believe me when I tell them that and say it's just because I'm being quiet but I genuinely am not, I could go up to every person in the room and start a conversation with them, ask questions, listen and carry on the conversation and without fail 100% of the time they would end up making mocking faces at their friends across the room and just letting the conversation die off until I get sick of constantly propping it up and just let it end. I just have something missing but I don't know what it is, like I'm not quite a full person and I'm something lesser, which other people instantly pick up on without me knowing why.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not made to be close to other people and that that's okay because there are other things for me. I am academically gifted and I can have a good career. I thought I had pretty much accepted this but since coming to uni and living away from family for the first time I'm sometimes a bit struck by just how alone I am and the fact that this will always be my life. It also hurts to see how happy other people my age are and to be reminded that I'm missing out on what should be the best years of my life. Other people are out living their lives while I'm in my room every night getting drunk enough to forget how lonely I am. I know there are other things for me but I can't stop feeling like if I don't have other people in my life then no matter how good my studies/career is and no matter how many hobbies I have, I will always just be a loser because I'm alone.
So my question really is, can I live a full life if I'm alone or will I always just be a loser? and how can I better accept my situation and feel more positive about the fact I will never really have human connection?
(again, please don't comment any variation of "just make friends" or "talk to a professional)
I'm a 20 year old female uni student and I have never had a friend or a relationship in my life. Don't get me wrong, I know I have a privileged life compared to most people and don't really have any right to complain but this post is just to vent/ask for advice.
I've never had a friend or relationship in my life and that is not an exaggeration. I have always been quite a quiet person but even when I really push myself to socialise and am the most talkative one in the room, people pick up on a strange vibe I have that tells them they don't want to be around me. My family don't believe me when I tell them that and say it's just because I'm being quiet but I genuinely am not, I could go up to every person in the room and start a conversation with them, ask questions, listen and carry on the conversation and without fail 100% of the time they would end up making mocking faces at their friends across the room and just letting the conversation die off until I get sick of constantly propping it up and just let it end. I just have something missing but I don't know what it is, like I'm not quite a full person and I'm something lesser, which other people instantly pick up on without me knowing why.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not made to be close to other people and that that's okay because there are other things for me. I am academically gifted and I can have a good career. I thought I had pretty much accepted this but since coming to uni and living away from family for the first time I'm sometimes a bit struck by just how alone I am and the fact that this will always be my life. It also hurts to see how happy other people my age are and to be reminded that I'm missing out on what should be the best years of my life. Other people are out living their lives while I'm in my room every night getting drunk enough to forget how lonely I am. I know there are other things for me but I can't stop feeling like if I don't have other people in my life then no matter how good my studies/career is and no matter how many hobbies I have, I will always just be a loser because I'm alone.
So my question really is, can I live a full life if I'm alone or will I always just be a loser? and how can I better accept my situation and feel more positive about the fact I will never really have human connection?
(again, please don't comment any variation of "just make friends" or "talk to a professional)
The first thing is to find a boyfriend. You can join a society like the Maths Society or Debating Society and meet a nice lad. Once you do that, you open many doors. Good luck
Original post by Wired_1800
The first thing is to find a boyfriend. You can join a society like the Maths Society or Debating Society and meet a nice lad. Once you do that, you open many doors. Good luck
Guys pick up on the strange vibe too lol
Original post by Anonymous
There are many women who travel solo! You can search it up on tiktok and there will be girls who make videos about staying safe, which countries they liked the most etc. Theres defo info out there but i understand your fear.
Also seeing as your in uni, is there any chance you can do an exchange year and study abroad? You can try and make new friends and connections from a diff country?
Also the fact that no one has told you or you havent heard whats wrong with you just shows how there most likely the problem. How are you supposed to improve if you dont understand whats wrong?
Also seeing as your in uni, is there any chance you can do an exchange year and study abroad? You can try and make new friends and connections from a diff country?
Also the fact that no one has told you or you havent heard whats wrong with you just shows how there most likely the problem. How are you supposed to improve if you dont understand whats wrong?
I have a year in France as part of my degree but that will probably just be more of the same
Original post by Anonymous
Guys pick up on the strange vibe too lol
Trust me, they don't.
Join a society and meet a lad.
I suppose the short answer is yes. Lots of people live quite solitary lives, with only passing acquaintances and working relationships with colleagues.
I don’t think it’s possible to say whether you would find that fulfilling, as that very much depends whether you need close relationships. As above, people can find fulfilment in different ways, (caring for animals, volunteering - I know those are cliches but they’re common).
I don’t think it’s possible to say whether you would find that fulfilling, as that very much depends whether you need close relationships. As above, people can find fulfilment in different ways, (caring for animals, volunteering - I know those are cliches but they’re common).
Original post by Anonymous
I have a year in France as part of my degree but that will probably just be more of the same
well hopefully not! Not everyone is going to see you the same way
Original post by Anonymous
well hopefully not! Not everyone is going to see you the same way
everyone I've ever met has seen me the same way, and I have been to multiple different schools/now uni and lived in different cities
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