I’m pathetic

Said friend probably doesn't even know that it makes you jealous, if you feel you're interested ask them. Even if you don't ask them you'll do the mental gymnastics to avoid being around them regardless. If you're interested in them, make it apparent. The least that can happen is you leave-- which if I weren't mistaken would've been the outcome anyway.

Thanks for the advice. I’m a very closed off person with emotions so literally no one really knows how I feel ever. It feels really scary to open up like that…I know it’s my own fault though

Relatable, I'm just very autistic so people see right through me even when I'm trying to be like that.

It’s a big struggle 🫠
I come close to admitting feelings but then think “oh no what if they reject me and I look stupid/ crazy”

Be realistic though, really who cares? These are superfluous emotions, the fear of rejection is the lack thereof attempt and it's sad to see them go amiss.

Thank you, that’s a new perspective for me to look through

1. You aren't pathetic

2. Well done for typing this out.

3. My advice would to think about what you want to happen. I can see three possible options:
A - you want to deffo keep him as a friend, with the potential that these feelings with knag away at you on an ongoing basis.
B - you want to try a relationship with him
C - you want to avoid him and sever ties completely

If it were me, I would go for plan B, and if plan B didn't work it would automatically go to C. Plan A is maintaining the status quo which clearly isn't working out so far. It may pass, but we have no crystal ball.