marking needed

This is my response to the june 2017 aqa gcse paper 1 question 2. Feedback would be appreciated

The writer uses contrast to suggest that there is still some hope for Rosabel's bus journey home. This is shown through when the writer reveals that 'the light striking on the panes turned their dullness to opal and silver' The juxtoposition between the dullness of the streets and the 'fairy palaces' proves that the light is creating the illusion that the bus journey home could in fact be a positive one

The bus journey home is also potrayed as negative due to the 'sickening smell of warm humanity.' The sibilance shows that the hatred of the people on the bus is evoking feelings of disgust onto Rosabel. This is further emphasized by the verb 'oozing' which shows that the hatred of the people is spreading onto 'everybody' making the bus journey home miserable. Furthermore the repition of 'everybody' where it was 'oozing out of everybody,' and 'everybody had the same expression', shows that there is no escape for Rosabel as she is surrounded by negativity.

The bus journey home is also presented as suffocating and uneasy, where Rosabel, 'felt almost stiffled' The hyperbole shows how restrained Rosabel feels by the people on the bus, which makes her unable to act in a normal way, to the point where she cant even move or breathe.

Hi, I really enjoyed reading your answer. You use a good range of vocab (especially for the word 'show') and you identified so many language techniques (like hyperboles and juxtaposition).

For the first paragraph, I think the first two lines are good, as it presents a point, however the quote is a bit long, maybe you could shorten to 6-7 words. The next sentence starts off with a new point, but you didn't expand on the contrast point with 'light striking on the panes turned their dullness....'; instead you started with an unrelated point. Maybe try to analyse the quote you first wrote and then move onto the next one so it's clear.

The second paragraph is epic - you presented a point, evidence and you gave a language technique with an explanation. You also zoomed in on another word and analysed that too. You're really creative with the response when you talk about how there's no escape for her and her hatred evoking feelings of disgust. I think the examiner would really be able to tell you understood exactly how Rosabel felt during her bus journey home and you target good quotes.

The last couple of lines expand on how she feels, you also mention hyperbole which is a high-level language technique you spotted. You also expanded on that point and explained it in relation to what the question was asking too.

Well done!