english gsce creative writing

what mark would this get and how can i edit and improve this?
My mirror

I woke up - like I do every morning.My replica staring at me,copying my every movement, in my reflection parallel to my bed.I go downstairs to my bathroom to brush my teeth,trying to avoid seeing my replica ;i hate my replica.She stares back at me with her beady,baggy,brandy brown eyes;with her blotchy bumpy blemished skin;with her bushy brows;and chipped yellow teeth.

I woke up - like i do every morning.My replica still examining me.Shes always present,photobombing every image i try to take of myself.Shes my worst enemy of all time.

I woke up- like i do every morning but today is different.

I smash the glass,finally destroying my enemy.I knew deep down i was just being an ostrich smothering my head in the sand because in fact my replica is mirroring me.

I am my own worst enemy of all time.

And yet with this knowledge,I woke up-like i do every morning.My alarm screeched,filling my head with beeps.My body sinking into my bed,and my hair looking like a scribble,i summoned all in me to get out of bed.My mind was still foggy and dazed.I put on my uniform and waited for the bus.The sun beating down on my forehead,while droplets of sweat formed.The school bus finally came.

Why is everyone staring at me?

The bus was a mob of swetty bodies,a palpable stench of sweaty teens filled the air.

I want to go home.

I see Lena’s soft brown hair,I could recognize the back of her from a mile away.Tilting my head i see Theo and her holding hands.Rage fills every atom of my body…

…I wake up - like i do every morning.This time all i can think of is revenge.I stare at my clone in the bathroom,admiring her,seeing her missed potential.