year 13 is killing me off
i know this is totally a normal thing to feel because year 13 is so stressful but i just feel like im at my absolute wits end with it and nothing is ever enough anymore
for reference, im autistic and was only diagnosed last year so adapting and unmasking a bit and stuff has been a change but not necessarily a bad one
im just finding that i get overwhelmed so much faster at the moment and its making it incredibly difficult to be in school. if im not having panic attacks then im definitely sobbing my eyes out at least once a day and not only is it unbearable being at school when i constantly feel awful, but its also just blatantly embarrassing
i never know what to do with myself because i really struggle asking for help, especially when im already overwhelmed as i tend to shut down a bit to avoid complete meltdowns. it doesn't help either that i have severe trust issues so im only really comfortable talking to one of the sixth form pastoral team (i recently started having weekly meetings with her which is a step in the right direction but im still having trouble expressing what im actually struggling with)
ive struggled with anxiety and depression for years, and it was probably at its worst during 2022 (especially the start of year 12) but it got significantly better. now it just feels like im slipping backwards and im terrified that this year is going to be a repeat of that but i feel like i cant tell anybody and im too scared to know how to ask for help. all i know is that if it happens again i dont think ill be able to survive it, which terrifies me
and just to add to it all, im having real issues with one of my english teachers this year. at the start of year 13 i cried in a lot of her lessons because i was overwhelmed/stressed and kept being paralysed by the work she was trying to get us to do. she never reacted to it particularly kindly which meant that her lessons have become a really severe anxiety trigger and i usually have panic attacks before/during her lessons. Since we came back from january mocks ive left a lot of her lessons after about 10 minutes sobbing and panicking which i know isnt great, but she seemed to finally be understanding it a little more. fast forward to thursday and we were doing 1 on 1 mock feedback, mine was first but we didnt really need to talk about the exam because i got an A* so we spent a bit of time discussing how we should deal with lessons moving forward and what would make it easier for me. I thought this was really positive and a good step forward but then about 2 hours later another girl in my class comes up to me and goes omg i didnt realise she hated you so much until today so naturally i was like ????? and then apparently my teacher had been ****ging me off BY NAME to this girl during her session about how im never in lessons and do whatever tf i please ( which is not true, and even if it was, i have a valid reason). I told my sixth form team and theyve supposedly emailed the head of english about it but i dont know whats going on with it and it just makes school feel even more terrible. ikm constantly dreading seeing her. and i already had a problem thinking that she hates me and its made it a million times worse because omg she really does
anyway idk what the purpose of this really is i just think i need help or advice but i never know where to go or what to do with myself and i feel like im just slowly losing my mind
for reference, im autistic and was only diagnosed last year so adapting and unmasking a bit and stuff has been a change but not necessarily a bad one
im just finding that i get overwhelmed so much faster at the moment and its making it incredibly difficult to be in school. if im not having panic attacks then im definitely sobbing my eyes out at least once a day and not only is it unbearable being at school when i constantly feel awful, but its also just blatantly embarrassing
i never know what to do with myself because i really struggle asking for help, especially when im already overwhelmed as i tend to shut down a bit to avoid complete meltdowns. it doesn't help either that i have severe trust issues so im only really comfortable talking to one of the sixth form pastoral team (i recently started having weekly meetings with her which is a step in the right direction but im still having trouble expressing what im actually struggling with)
ive struggled with anxiety and depression for years, and it was probably at its worst during 2022 (especially the start of year 12) but it got significantly better. now it just feels like im slipping backwards and im terrified that this year is going to be a repeat of that but i feel like i cant tell anybody and im too scared to know how to ask for help. all i know is that if it happens again i dont think ill be able to survive it, which terrifies me
and just to add to it all, im having real issues with one of my english teachers this year. at the start of year 13 i cried in a lot of her lessons because i was overwhelmed/stressed and kept being paralysed by the work she was trying to get us to do. she never reacted to it particularly kindly which meant that her lessons have become a really severe anxiety trigger and i usually have panic attacks before/during her lessons. Since we came back from january mocks ive left a lot of her lessons after about 10 minutes sobbing and panicking which i know isnt great, but she seemed to finally be understanding it a little more. fast forward to thursday and we were doing 1 on 1 mock feedback, mine was first but we didnt really need to talk about the exam because i got an A* so we spent a bit of time discussing how we should deal with lessons moving forward and what would make it easier for me. I thought this was really positive and a good step forward but then about 2 hours later another girl in my class comes up to me and goes omg i didnt realise she hated you so much until today so naturally i was like ????? and then apparently my teacher had been ****ging me off BY NAME to this girl during her session about how im never in lessons and do whatever tf i please ( which is not true, and even if it was, i have a valid reason). I told my sixth form team and theyve supposedly emailed the head of english about it but i dont know whats going on with it and it just makes school feel even more terrible. ikm constantly dreading seeing her. and i already had a problem thinking that she hates me and its made it a million times worse because omg she really does
anyway idk what the purpose of this really is i just think i need help or advice but i never know where to go or what to do with myself and i feel like im just slowly losing my mind
Hi there, sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. Talking to someone in the pastoral team sounds like a really good step- if you find it difficult to express everything you want when you are physically with her, it could be a good idea to make notes of things throughout the week that you are finding difficult/would like to talk about- and then show her what you have written down when you meet with her (just an idea). Another thing you could have a look at is Student Minds: https://www.studentminds.org.uk/ourpeersupportprogrammes.html they offer confidential support groups that may be helpful for you to try.
I hope this helps a little
I hope this helps a little
