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Depression Society MKIII
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RachelOranges
Sorry, I was meant to comment on your post...guess I'm too self absorbed to even do that. 
. Ahh just when I thought I was becoming a better person....feeling a bit rotten...the guilt...hope you are feeling ok
. Ahh just when I thought I was becoming a better person....feeling a bit rotten...the guilt...hope you are feeling okawww what's up now? x-mas tomorrow. Chin up. Just think of the homeless with out family, freezing on the streets everyone!
blue_shift86
awww what's up now? x-mas tomorrow. Chin up. Just think of the homeless with out family, freezing on the streets everyone!
True. Just spoke to mum and she said there is nothing really wrong with what I said. *phew* I have such a powerful guilty conscience...it just eats away at me. I would be the worlds worst murderer, I'd turn my self in within a second
. You are right, I shouldn't be so selfish when there are others who have it worse and I'd to well to remember that. 
I'm off to spend time with my little sis now, thats all I've wanted to do since I've got back, I'm glad she is finally giving me some of her time now
Good night everyone and a Merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays. I want to come back on here hearing something positive that has happened during Christmas for you, even if it was getting a cute little pair of socks from your Nan lol
Merry Christmas all.
superwolf
Merry Christmas all.
merry x-mas to you too, and everyone else
for everyone
it's been dead in ere all day. Hope you all had a gd day. Now get your arses back in ere and post something 
...i'm damn bored!
, , . My Nana is in ICU kiss_me_now9, , . My Nana is in ICU
, , . My Nana is in ICU what's ICU? intensive care unit? What happened to her?
blue_shift86
what's ICU? intensive care unit? What happened to her?
Yes, intensive care. She's always had problems with her lungs/respiratory system (still smokes like a bloody chimney though
) and recently she's been really bad, can't breathe properly and passing out kind of thing... My Aunt went round this afternoon and found her passed out and barely breathing, called her an ambulance and the doctors have said that her lungs are basically shot, she needs to go on a ventilator and she might not make it through the night. . She's only 65... We're waiting for my Uncle (my Aunt gave us all this information but she's a lot more emotional than him and tends to get a bit caught up, understandable) to phone and confirm what the doctors said and then we'll either go down tonight if we need to 
or tomorrow morning. What a end to a
dismal year. Thought nothing else could go wrong but apparently not hope your nan makes it through COPDs really horrible.
I'm feeling really meh today. Its hard. Its not that I want to get worse. But I dont want to get better either. I see no point. I dont feel like I can change anything. I dont really feel I have anything to achieve or prove that I haven't already. I feel I have met the loveliest people I ever will, they are dead or otherwise gone and I dont want to move into the future away from them. When I'm alone I dont really know what to do. Sometimes when I'm at uni I will just study or my best friend or other friends ask me to do things and that way I dont have to make my own decisions about how I spend my time.
I know a lot of this is about time management and I have to decide my values and goals and then how I want to spend my time. But its difficult when you dont want to spend your time per se. You dont want to be here. You want to be somewhere you feel safe and loved and happy and you know that place just doesnt exist. You know nobody really knows you or cares and even you don't care yourself. You just want to be gone.
I don't even feel particularly depressed at the moment, its not an acute pain, just a chronic dissatisfaction. Hmmmm.
COPDs really horrible.I'm feeling really meh today. Its hard. Its not that I want to get worse. But I dont want to get better either. I see no point. I dont feel like I can change anything. I dont really feel I have anything to achieve or prove that I haven't already. I feel I have met the loveliest people I ever will, they are dead or otherwise gone and I dont want to move into the future away from them. When I'm alone I dont really know what to do. Sometimes when I'm at uni I will just study or my best friend or other friends ask me to do things and that way I dont have to make my own decisions about how I spend my time.
I know a lot of this is about time management and I have to decide my values and goals and then how I want to spend my time. But its difficult when you dont want to spend your time per se. You dont want to be here. You want to be somewhere you feel safe and loved and happy and you know that place just doesnt exist. You know nobody really knows you or cares and even you don't care yourself. You just want to be gone.
I don't even feel particularly depressed at the moment, its not an acute pain, just a chronic dissatisfaction. Hmmmm.
kiss_me_now9
Yes, .....Thought nothing else could go wrong but apparently not
Going down to see her tomorrow, I don't want to but I don't want to regret not going. I feel so alone right now, I feel like a right bitch for saying that as well because it's my Dads mum and he's just taking it all in his stride whilst I fall apart inside Everyone else has gone to bed... but I can't.
Everyone else has gone to bed... but I can't.
fml just it
itMalsy
fml just it
it What's up hun?kiss_me_now9
Going down to see her tomorrow, I don't want to but I don't want to regret not going. I feel so alone right now, I feel like a right bitch for saying that as well because it's my Dads mum and he's just taking it all in his stride whilst I fall apart inside 
Everyone else has gone to bed... but I can't.
Everyone else has gone to bed... but I can't. there there I'm such a selfish coward, I tell myself the reason why I don't tell my family how I'm feeling is cos I don't want to hurt them, but really it's because I don't want them interfering if I do decide to kill myself. Sometimes I hate being around them, I just keep thinking about what it's going to do to them. I deserve to die but they don't deserve any of this.
kiss_me_now9
Going down to see her tomorrow, I don't want to but I don't want to regret not going. I feel so alone right now, I feel like a right bitch for saying that as well because it's my Dads mum and he's just taking it all in his stride whilst I fall apart inside Everyone else has gone to bed... but I can't.
Everyone else has gone to bed... but I can't.Your dad's probably just on automatic pilot trying to act normal, it can be pretty hard to know how people are actually feeling on the inside. I really hope she gets better.
superwolf
I'm such a selfish coward, I tell myself the reason why I don't tell my family how I'm feeling is cos I don't want to hurt them, but really it's because I don't want them interfering if I do decide to kill myself. Sometimes I hate being around them, I just keep thinking about what it's going to do to them. I deserve to die but they don't deserve any of this.
You don't deserve to die. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Try and think positively and make plans for what you want to do when you get better. That's what i'm doing. kiss_me_now9
Going down to see her tomorrow, I don't want to but I don't want to regret not going. I feel so alone right now, I feel like a right bitch for saying that as well because it's my Dads mum and he's just taking it all in his stride whilst I fall apart inside Everyone else has gone to bed... but I can't.
Everyone else has gone to bed... but I can't.I'm really sorry to hear that; hopefully she'll be alright.
turquoise1234
You don't deserve to die. Don't be so hard on yourself. Try and think positively and make plans for what you want to do when you get better. That's what i'm doing.
Try and think positively and make plans for what you want to do when you get better. That's what i'm doing. Well I'm basically planning on destroying the lives of everyone I care about, which I would say makes me a pretty horrible person. I'm not very good at thinking positively these days...
superwolf
Well I'm basically planning on destroying the lives of everyone I care about, which I would say makes me a pretty horrible person. I'm not very good at thinking positively these days...
It doesn't have to be like that; you need to try and find a different solution to your problems. What's exactly is causing your depression?, if you don't want to write it here you can PM.
