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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    I'm doing the Foundation course which is more demanding then I thought it would be, I just have no energy anymore or motivation, I just want to curl up in bed and watch the world go by. I'm pretty fed up with everything right now, just when I think I'm getting better I get worse, I just make myself sick, I just wish I was like everyone else, that I was a normal girl, I just want to start again change everything, I'm not who I should be...its tiring going through that cycle...

    I'm sorry about your boyfriend but he will come back to you, just try to keep yourself busy until he does come back, its always at times where you need someone the most that it seems that they aren't there for you but I'm sure he will only be a phone call away. :hugs:
    Anything to do with pharmacy is demanding. Even working as a dispensary assistant tires you out. I've heard 2nd year of the Mpharm course is the hardest so we have another year before we really struggle

    :hugs: I know how that feels. Half the time I don't have the motivation to ove to go to bed if I'm sat at the laptop, let alone do any work. I seem tothat you take numerous days off of college coz I wouldn't be able to cope. However saying that I do have days where I an very productive but to get to that requires a huge amount of mental force to get in that. I usually just use the hate of feeling like this to motivate me to do some work. I say to myself "If I don 't do something now, then I will remain like this forever" and that scares the **** out of me enough to at least start working and it goes from there. Don't force yourself if you know that you really won't do any work though. Another thing you could try is after you've motivated yourself using hatred for the depression is say "Well I've worked hard to get to where I am now, I must be able to do this, I can do this!"

    Also; is there anyone available at your uni just to talk things through with, just to get the feelings out?

    And thanks :hugs: I know he is, and I've already told him if i'm in a state I'm ringing him.
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    OMG, what a relief. I'm so glad it's the Easter Holidays, that's just over two weeks of no school! :woo: Though, I do have some coursework to finish, and some revision, but the break from school should be nice. I will try and get into driving lessons and practice again, I haven't done them for ages now . But I really want to pass and be driving already, I just need the determination and to be able to achieve something. I might try to meet up with friends too. I'd like to do a bit of swimming as well, I haven't for ages.

    And, I bought this CBT book the other day from WHSmiths, hopefully it'll help me a little. I've been waiting for a counselling session for over two months now :sigh:, I have no idea what's happening with that, so, whatever, I just may as well try to help myself in the meantime. I've decided for now that my main priorities for the next few months or so, are to do as well as possible in my A Levels, and then to eventually pass my theory and driving tests. Being single is bothering me a little, hmm, actually quite a lot, but I must learn to just deal with it I guess. I know there is more to life than boys, so if I just concentrate on doing well in what's more important, then I should be OK, I think.

    So how is everyone, and how are you spending your Easter break? :hi:
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    OMG, what a relief. I'm so glad it's the Easter Holidays, that's just over two weeks of no school! :woo: Though, I do have some coursework to finish, and some revision, but the break from school should be nice. I will try and get into driving lessons and practice again, I haven't done them for ages now . But I really want to pass and be driving already, I just need the determination and to be able to achieve something. I might try to meet up with friends too. I'd like to do a bit of swimming as well, I haven't for ages.

    And, I bought this CBT book the other day from WHSmiths, hopefully it'll help me a little. I've been waiting for a counselling session for over two months now :sigh:, I have no idea what's happening with that, so, whatever, I just may as well try to help myself in the meantime. I've decided for now that my main priorities for the next few months or so, are to do as well as possible in my A Levels, and then to eventually pass my theory and driving tests. Being single is bothering me a little, hmm, actually quite a lot, but I must learn to just deal with it I guess. I know there is more to life than boys, so if I just concentrate on doing well in what's more important, then I should be OK, I think.

    So how is everyone, and how are you spending your Easter break? :hi:
    Oh can you let me know how that book works out for you. I'm trying to get appointments, but know I'll probably be waiting forever.
    You'll definitely be okay without boys. Sometimes I think they get in the way of progress.
    Good luck with the driving and revision!
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    (Original post by Zebrastripes)
    Oh can you let me know how that book works out for you. I'm trying to get appointments, but know I'll probably be waiting forever.
    You'll definitely be okay without boys. Sometimes I think they get in the way of progress.
    Good luck with the driving and revision!
    Thanks for the reply. From what I've been reading so far, it has info about CBT, depression and anxiety, and then a few thinking exercises on how to deal with them. I'll update you on how well they work then .
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    OMG, what a relief. I'm so glad it's the Easter Holidays, that's just over two weeks of no school! :woo: Though, I do have some coursework to finish, and some revision, but the break from school should be nice. I will try and get into driving lessons and practice again, I haven't done them for ages now . But I really want to pass and be driving already, I just need the determination and to be able to achieve something. I might try to meet up with friends too. I'd like to do a bit of swimming as well, I haven't for ages.

    And, I bought this CBT book the other day from WHSmiths, hopefully it'll help me a little. I've been waiting for a counselling session for over two months now :sigh:, I have no idea what's happening with that, so, whatever, I just may as well try to help myself in the meantime. I've decided for now that my main priorities for the next few months or so, are to do as well as possible in my A Levels, and then to eventually pass my theory and driving tests. Being single is bothering me a little, hmm, actually quite a lot, but I must learn to just deal with it I guess. I know there is more to life than boys, so if I just concentrate on doing well in what's more important, then I should be OK, I think.

    So how is everyone, and how are you spending your Easter break? :hi:
    I read some book once and it was pretty awful though it wasn't that one so I can't comment. There is however a free online CBT course (here: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome ) which you might be interested in alongside that book. I haven't tried it but have seen it recommended many times in h&r.
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    i'm on a role! I got 4 pos reps in a row! 3 from the same thread re my views about how oxbridge isn't worth it and it's more important to be happy. I'm on -34 - not long till i go green now woooooo!

    P.S. i'm booking my round the world tickets today!
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I read some book once and it was pretty awful though it wasn't that one so I can't comment. There is however a free online CBT course (here: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome ) which you might be interested in alongside that book. I haven't tried it but have seen it recommended many times in h&r.
    I think I signed up to that website some time ago, but forgot about it . But thanks for the reminder, I will check it out again :top:
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    Hello again everyone. :hugs:

    Last night I triggered very badly, but haven't harmed. Actually I'm rather shocked at that as right now I'm absolutely devastated; I've been sick already this morning and besides not holding any food down am hobbling around the house almost sedated I have so little energy. Last night I embarrassed myself with some strange status updates on Facebook and on here (the usual rubbish "lonely nobody loves me blah blah blah") thanks to some general drinking silliness. I don't even like drinking too much ffs. It makes a pretty crap hug substitute, that so much can be said.

    What was the trigger? Seeing a photo of the woman I love dancing with one guy she was involved with. Silly, I know, but in not leaving much to the imagination I spent the whole night falling deeper and deeper into this chasm. It was very bad luck to come across it. In frankness I compare myself and wonder why I'm sitting here talking like this.

    "Most loyal and caring guy" she's ever known. I sound like a dog, even if she means it in a kind way. And it's probably accurate - I'm just a fairly gentle guy really, but it seems to get taken for weakness.

    Maybe that's why. But I'm me. Everything I am isn't good enough for her!

    I don't know how I'm going to process it. She's not just someone who came along. She's my best friend and generally we're pretty close. She's aware of my feelings but I don't suspect of just how much an effect it's had. Terrified of that being found out, and not just for me either. I always wanted to be there for her and be as neutered as possible - if there was no chance of my feelings being reciprocated then that meant I had to make damn well sure I didn't dribble over her and man up instead as a good friend, stable and supportive. Normally, I think I do that for her, but when she's gone I usually end up crying or whatnot, so she only gets glimpses of this and indirectly. Being without her at all would be catastrophic so I can't back away and wouldn't want to; like anyone else, you fall for someone you talk to your best friend. Whoops. :p: The perfect prison! If she herself backed away I'd just go mad. So far, she's been her exceedingly graceful self. I'm desperately trying to keep a lid on things but at home it's becoming more difficult - mum is very sick, my dad is 76 and struggling to deal with us both. When you throw everything together I'm becoming significantly less stable and more liable to letting the facade slip from time to time. I don't want her to not feel she can talk to me so I have to man up. Somehow.

    One thing I have found is I no longer really want to take anything. I don't want her for sex, for the sake of a relationship, for rudimentary things. I want her for who she is. And taking, no. I just want to give. Somehow it's harder to have something you want to give dismiss than anything you ever want to take. As a result, when she's down, upset, or a guy has not met her expectations, I am utterly broken that I can't change all that. I know she does for me. The horrible thing is when I'm around her I feel more myself than ever, but when she's not there I am unstable, tearful, and a mess. To her I'm much less. Some people have said she's using me for her emotional needs when she can fulfil her romantic ones with others - I think that's a very cynical viewpoint, and I have castigated them for talking about her like that. But perhaps I am a doormat, I don't know. All I do know is I don't care - I love being there for her, even if I can't do as much for her as I'd like. Yet, even if I don't care about myself in the situation, I know that is having a negative practical effect.

    I thought I got through this kind of mess in adolescence. It's ridiculous. It's staggering the effect this is having.

    I feel more than a little stupid, even though the doctor has told me it's rather common.
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    Managed to get all my coursework in on time and under the word limit... I even went out with friends on Wednesday, however, I started to get a bit moody and just not wanting to do anything, see anyone etc yesterday and have spent most of the day in bed sleeping today. Oh, and the lack of appetite is back, which is kind a good thing at the moment.

    Not looking forward to work tomorrow/my numerous medical appointments over this holiday and my exams/going back to school... This is why staying in bed watching brain dead TV/reading the 20 or so books I haven't yet read in my room. You'd think that after reading all day I'd be be really awake right now...
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    Is it alright for me to pitch a tent here

    Been feeling well down the last few days thanks to coming to terms with how ugly my hair is now thanks to the receding hairline..hoping to combat this with a buzzcut :yep: but now I'm getting scared and upset because if that doesn't look nice then there's no hope for me

    Couple this with general low self esteem, loneliness and social anxiety I think I fit right in here :o:
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    Look everyone! My red gem has gone overnight. That has made my day, woo! I got a lot of neg rep from tory scum for my thread:

    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=1227059

    But socialism won through in the end - Good always wins against evil.

    I didn't sleep all night - i sprained my neck . How is everyone else today? Anyone doing anything exciting today?
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    Look everyone! My red gem has gone overnight. That has made my day, woo! I got a lot of neg rep from tory scum for my thread:

    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=1227059

    But socialism won through in the end - Good always wins against evil.

    I didn't sleep all night - i sprained my neck . How is everyone else today? Anyone doing anything exciting today?
    ewwww socialism. :p:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    ewwww socialism. :p:
    Better than Tory scum :p:

    P.S. i've planned my USA trip. It is looking amazing!
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    Better than Tory scum :p:

    P.S. i've planned my USA trip. It is looking amazing!
    Well....that's debatable. Neither are particularly good :p:

    Awesome, where you going?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Well....that's debatable. Neither are particularly good :p:

    Awesome, where you going?
    Wait for it! For the USA my plans are:

    My initial plan is to see a bit of LA, then go to death valley national park and drive to las vegas, then to Flagstaff, then motorway 40 towards amrillo (like the song!), and down into little rock (my friend said I have to see it!). After this I'd move to Memphis, then south towards New orleans (2 people have said to go there so it must be good!). Then eastwards to kitty hawk (where the first aeroplane ever flew), then a day or few in Washington DC and to Baltimore to meet a friend (hopefully she'll give us a quick tour), then north to NYC and boston. I might be able to meet a few friends in New hampshire to rock climb with them which I would like to try, then to Montreal (canada), to toronto down towards niagara falls, then to chicago, and then taking route 8 on the below link:

    http://www.roadtripusa.com/

    I was planning to see mount rushmore, then to yellowstone national park, then down to salt lake city to see where they break the land speed record and maybe that crazy glider tour across the desert thing! then north to seattle, down to portland, and then drive along the coast all the way to san fransisco, meeting up with a rock climbing friend on the west coast and driving with him to yosemite park. then probably spend a good few days to a week in yosemite and onto the sequoia national park and down to LA again. My US mate helped me choose this.:cool:

    P.S. how come u got 12 warning points? What you been up to!:O
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    Wait for it! For the USA my plans are:

    My initial plan is to see a bit of LA, then go to death valley national park and drive to las vegas, then to Flagstaff, then motorway 40 towards amrillo (like the song!), and down into little rock (my friend said I have to see it!). After this I'd move to Memphis, then south towards New orleans (2 people have said to go there so it must be good!). Then eastwards to kitty hawk (where the first aeroplane ever flew), then a day or few in Washington DC and to Baltimore to meet a friend (hopefully she'll give us a quick tour), then north to NYC and boston. I might be able to meet a few friends in New hampshire to rock climb with them which I would like to try, then to Montreal (canada), to toronto down towards niagara falls, then to chicago, and then taking route 8 on the below link:

    http://www.roadtripusa.com/

    I was planning to see mount rushmore, then to yellowstone national park, then down to salt lake city to see where they break the land speed record and maybe that crazy glider tour across the desert thing! then north to seattle, down to portland, and then drive along the coast all the way to san fransisco, meeting up with a rock climbing friend on the west coast and driving with him to yosemite park. then probably spend a good few days to a week in yosemite and onto the sequoia national park and down to LA again. My US mate helped me choose this.:cool:

    P.S. how come u got 12 warning points? What you been up to!:O
    Whoa, that sounds ******* awesome. LA is a bit of a dump tbh but fun to see and nice weather. Haven't been to most the other places, had the opportunity of going to vegas last xmas but yeah I haven't got any money to gamble there so didn't see the point :p: DC is nice fun to see the white house, laugh at socialists protesting ( :mmm: ) and the escalators on the subway are huge which is cool. NYC is like my favourite place on earth it totally blows your mind I'm sure you'll really love it. Chicago....yeah bit of a dump too but like NY has some cool museums and really really really good pizza.

    Rest sounds awesome too, I'm pretty jealous! How you going to manage all that in 3 months though? Or you applying for an extended visa?


    haha, I was on 14 yesterday! Had to be well careful! Apparently you're not allowed to swear at people and call them dumb even when they clearly are missing quite a number of brain cells :flute:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Whoa, that sounds ******* awesome. LA is a bit of a dump tbh but fun to see and nice weather. Haven't been to most the other places, had the opportunity of going to vegas last xmas but yeah I haven't got any money to gamble there so didn't see the point :p: DC is nice fun to see the white house, laugh at socialists protesting ( :mmm: ) and the escalators on the subway are huge which is cool. NYC is like my favourite place on earth it totally blows your mind I'm sure you'll really love it. Chicago....yeah bit of a dump too but like NY has some cool museums and really really really good pizza.

    Rest sounds awesome too, I'm pretty jealous! How you going to manage all that in 3 months though? Or you applying for an extended visa?

    haha, I was on 14 yesterday! Had to be well careful! Apparently you're not allowed to swear at people and call them dumb even when they clearly are missing quite a number of brain cells :flute:
    weird about the points. I am going for 2 months and 2 weeks. I think it'll be enough. I'm not grey hounding. I'll be hiring a car and going at a pretty fast pace as a result. I'm not planning to spend ages in the big cities! I'm sure i'll have enough time. My american friend who helped me plan it said i should be able to see each place comfortably.
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    Oh, I can not believe some people that I once thought of as 'friends'. This one has ranted on her public blog about me - about how I always turn down social occasions with the 'excuse' of studying. Well, I have an exam in 2 weeks and have missed the entire half term preparing for it because of depression. Apparently I'm a 'let down'. Well screw her. I've had enough of her attitude towards me and her always thinking she knows what's best for me. Oddly enough, different people value different things.

    I did actually go out the other day, and I played up that my parents made me arrange it. They didn't, it was just a way of keeping certain people from getting offended as much as I could when I didn't invite them (as I wanted it to be a fun evening, rather than people having arguments). But I turned down something she's arranged because it's ONE WEEK before my weakest exam in my weakest subject.

    Apparently when I say I'm studying, I'm lazying about. Hmm, how did I get such good grades in January then? I play down how much work I do, that's just who I am.

    It really pisses me off, as all my urges to self harm are back, thanks for that. :rant:

    Well screw friends TBH, all they ever do is this sort of thing.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Oh, I can not believe some people that I once thought of as 'friends'. This one has ranted on her public blog about me - about how I always turn down social occasions with the 'excuse' of studying. Well, I have an exam in 2 weeks and have missed the entire half term preparing for it because of depression. Apparently I'm a 'let down'. Well screw her. I've had enough of her attitude towards me and her always thinking she knows what's best for me. Oddly enough, different people value different things.

    I did actually go out the other day, and I played up that my parents made me arrange it. They didn't, it was just a way of keeping certain people from getting offended as much as I could when I didn't invite them (as I wanted it to be a fun evening, rather than people having arguments). But I turned down something she's arranged because it's ONE WEEK before my weakest exam in my weakest subject.

    Apparently when I say I'm studying, I'm lazying about. Hmm, how did I get such good grades in January then? I play down how much work I do, that's just who I am.

    It really pisses me off, as all my urges to self harm are back, thanks for that. :rant:

    Well screw friends TBH, all they ever do is this sort of thing.
    :hugs: Don't let her get to you. Though it may be an idea to try and talk to her about it. Say that you've struggled with depression and are worried about your exams. I'm sure if you're honest with your friend she will understand, and it might make your friendship stronger for it. I'm sure she just cares about you and wants you to socialise. I'd give anything to have friends like that. But it is a bit pathetic to go writing about you on her blog. :rolleyes:

    ---

    I've actually woken up feeling okay today, which is a relief. Though I'm supposed to be going to a Chinese karaoke thing tonight for a friends leaving do.. Chinese food I can just about tolerate, karaoke I HATE. I can't sing at all. So nervous and anxious about it, but trying not to let it bother me. Just thinking of it as a way to make friends and be seen out rather than the singing. Although I really can't afford it at £20 a head!
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    (Original post by SharpDressedMan)
    Is it alright for me to pitch a tent here

    Been feeling well down the last few days thanks to coming to terms with how ugly my hair is now thanks to the receding hairline..hoping to combat this with a buzzcut :yep: but now I'm getting scared and upset because if that doesn't look nice then there's no hope for me

    Couple this with general low self esteem, loneliness and social anxiety I think I fit right in here :o:
    Hello! Why don't you ask your hairdresser what they suggest? They've seen it all before so they should know what might work. I'm with you on the whole self esteem, social anxiety and loneliness thing, it's not very nice. Tell us more about yourself?
 
 
 
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