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    (Original post by fire2burn)
    Ah so you were pretty zombified then? Did it take you long to recover after stopping it?

    Hmmm striking deals isn't my strongest point, will have to see what they want to do I guess.
    I could barely get out of bed. But once I stopped taking them think I was better within 24 hours.

    Good luck with that then. Just don't try hitting them with sticks or similar.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I hate that. "O M G! I'm soooooo depressed my hairdresser like totally messed up my hair I said 2 inches HELLO not 2.5inches and omg like my skin is like totally breaking out today I have 2 spots! ewwww I'm so ugly and fat I put on 3lbs in the last month I should like totally kill myself"

    :facepalm:



    :no: I still felt stuff on them kind of, just couldn't really think about feeling stuff.
    people mainly make me angry and sick.
    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    If I go to my GP... am I likely to get put on tablets? Bearing in mind the previous suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, cutting (which I haven't done since fathers day, go me!) and other **** that seems to come along with severe depression...
    Can't force you, they may suggest meds though which for me have never made amassive difference
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    If I go to my GP... am I likely to get put on tablets? Bearing in mind the previous suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, cutting (which I haven't done since fathers day, go me!) and other **** that seems to come along with severe depression...
    They'll probably put you on pills if you want them. Well done on not cutting, I haven't in quite a while either. :five:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    If I go to my GP... am I likely to get put on tablets? Bearing in mind the previous suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, cutting (which I haven't done since fathers day, go me!) and other **** that seems to come along with severe depression...
    Do you think you're at risk of killing yourself?

    Changing meds really helped me to stop cutting. I haven't cut myself for over a year now.

    Are you on meds now?
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    They'll probably put you on pills if you want them. Well done on not cutting, I haven't in quite a while either. :five:
    I don't want them. But tbh right now I can't see an alternative. I can't keep appointments atm, I sleep through them. Or I just don't go. Frustrates the hell out of me but I physically can not get myself to go somewhere I don't want to.

    That's the thing. I don't want pills. I don't want therapy or counselling. I just want to feel better. That's not going to happen, is it?

    (And thanks, congrats to you too )
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    (Original post by Laus)
    Do you think you're at risk of killing yourself?

    Changing meds really helped me to stop cutting. I haven't cut myself for over a year now.

    Are you on meds now?
    I honestly can't answer that right now. I don't know. That scares me too :o:

    No, I'm not getting anything, no GP, no meds, no therapy, most I've got is a few stolen sheets of CBT from my friend.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    That's the thing. I don't want pills. I don't want therapy or counselling. I just want to feel better. That's not going to happen, is it?
    Samee :console:. I think we are a bit screwed heh .
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Samee :console:. I think we are a bit screwed heh .
    Yep :five: Woo screwed!
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    If I go to my GP... am I likely to get put on tablets? Bearing in mind the previous suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, cutting (which I haven't done since fathers day, go me!) and other **** that seems to come along with severe depression...
    You could give them a try. From your posts on here it does sound like you're not really doing too well etc so they might help you. Also the side effects for those aren't always particularly bad so don't let that put you off too much. On the NHS it seems very much up to the individual doctor whether you'll get them or not though if you're over 18 chances go up a lot.

    well done on not cutting in so long
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    My friends (Poppy) funeral.

    My friggin' mother forgot. She had a massive, massive go at me yesterday and I ended up going round a friends because I just could not sit with her shouting at me constantly for every single little thing I'd not done properly. I spent the day avoiding her and avoiding getting myself upset at Rs house* and she phoned me up and I had to shout down the phone to her that I was going to Norfolk tomorrow and staying over night for the funeral, and she got all upset about it. I spent the evening with other mates but we were all grumpy and pissed off one of the group... Now I'm at home trying vainly to finish a video memorial that we can watch tomorrow night but it just seems so contrite and pointless. Poppy's best mate just rather rudely pointed out to me that it's not going to be shown in the service so there's little point in finishing it.

    I'm so tired, I got up at 6 to go to work at 8am this morning, nearly got myself sacked because the tosser of a duty manager took offence to the fact that I shrugged when he was shouting at me for not serving a piping hot latte to his boss - Well if I'd bloody known it was his boss, I'd have made it piping hot and with sprinkles on top, *******. Besides, one fat old guy in a suit getting a slightly cold coffee is the least of my problems right now. I felt like screaming 'I'm BURYING my sodding friend tomorrow ********' but that would definitely have got me sacked, and possibly led to me hitting him, and worse.

    *We talked about lots of stuff, basically came to the conclusion that I really need to go and see my GP, he's having CBT himself and showed me something on being a passive person, it pretty much sums me up perfectly and all the disordered thoughts and bad assumptions I make. I'm scared ********.
    :hugs: You're having a **** time right now, aren't you? :console: The only thing I can say is that it will get better. :jumphug: Also, regarding wanting to get better but no wanting help, that's how I felt until my doctor sent me to the psychiatrist, who put me on antidepressants and I'm starting to see a point to getting help now I guess. I think even just getting the ball rolling on that makes you think it's worth it a bit. :hugs:

    Please try to see your GP, if you think you're going to sleep through any appointment, make them in the afternoon (mine have always been at 5pm).

    ---

    I just want to go back to how I was for the first week on these things, too tired to think or feel. I felt sane then :cry:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I don't want them. But tbh right now I can't see an alternative. I can't keep appointments atm, I sleep through them. Or I just don't go. Frustrates the hell out of me but I physically can not get myself to go somewhere I don't want to.

    That's the thing. I don't want pills. I don't want therapy or counselling. I just want to feel better. That's not going to happen, is it?

    (And thanks, congrats to you too )
    I can empathise. I find it impossible to do some things when I'm feeling very depressed. Getting out of bed, getting dressed etc. seems like a monumental task. When other people are involved (i.e. not going somewhere means you let someone down), it can be misconstrued as laziness or apathy, and it's difficult to explain that it's neither. All I can suggest is that you really push yourself when you next have an appointment. I remember finding it difficult to walk to the car for an appointment to see a psychiatrist; it felt like I was walking through thick treacle. It feels like you're being physically weighed down.

    I think meds and therapy are the best combination. I have been on meds for a while, and I've been coping but, in the long term, I know I'd benefit from both therapy and medication. So I'd suggest, if your doctor thinks medication will help, that you insist on seeing a professional ASAP because you believe you are at risk. They can usually put you in touch with a counsellor whilst you wait for CBT/psychotherapy (or whatever it is you need.) Counsellors are usually very good at helping people work through grief.
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    I want there to be a quick fix, and there really is not. I have 80-90 asprin in my draw that I have collected, I guess as a saftey net, I feel in control.. but I don't anymore!
    :hugs: Are you getting any help? Aspirin's not a pretty way to go from the anti-suicide lectures my mother gave me a few years ago.
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    I'm just too weak a person. I don't have any strength of character. :/

    Mmm, therapy etc. would mean telling my parents. No ta.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I'm just too weak a person. I don't have any strength of character. :/

    Mmm, therapy etc. would mean telling my parents. No ta.
    You're not weak at all.

    You don't have to tell your parents anything - you're not under 18.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I'm just too weak a person. I don't have any strength of character. :/

    Mmm, therapy etc. would mean telling my parents. No ta.
    :hugs: At the end of the day, you need help. Is there anyway to not tell your parents?

    And as Laus said, you're not weak, having gone through all you've gone through recently, you're clearly a strong person. :console:
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    (Original post by Laus)
    You're not weak at all.

    You don't have to tell your parents anything - you're not under 18.
    They'd figure it out. The need to be somewhere at a certain time each week? Not going to happen. Plus there'd be letters (there's always fecking letters) and if I got meds possible side effects etc. to think about. Plus I'm **** with regularity.

    Argghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I can't figure this out.

    Steffi, my parents know nothing... They know I went to the GP in November about it, but nothing came of that, and they've never said anything about it. I want it to stay that way.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I'm just too weak a person. I don't have any strength of character. :/

    Mmm, therapy etc. would mean telling my parents. No ta.
    :hugs: You're obviously not a weak person, or you wouldn't be able to stop cutting yourself. More than likely it's the depression making you be so hard on yourself.
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    No one in here is screwed. I've lost count of the number of times I've felt hopeless, of the number of times I've wanted to kill myself. Each mistake I've made seems worse, each episode of depression more crippling. But the fact is I'm still here, and so are you guys. I used to despair when people told me "things will get easier", but it is likely they will. But it's not likely to happen unless you do stuff that you know has helped other people. Healing takes time. It is exhausting, I know.
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    (Original post by Laus)
    No one in here is screwed. I've lost count of the number of times I've felt hopeless, of the number of times I've wanted to kill myself. Each mistake I've made seems worse, each episode of depression more crippling. But the fact is I'm still here, and so are you guys. I used to despair when people told me "things will get easier", but it is likely they will. But it's not likely to happen unless you do stuff that you know has helped other people. Healing takes time. It is exhausting, I know.
    I know you're right. I know that one day I'll look back and see how far I've come. But right now it seems like I'm in a ditch and all I can see is this massive climb out in front of me and nowhere else to go but further down backwards. :hugs: Remind me of this statement when I've got out, please?

    Can't even move out of bed to get changed into my PJs. Pathetic much.

    I need to stop the stupid, derogatory comments towards myself I piss myself off with those ones.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    They'd figure it out. The need to be somewhere at a certain time each week? Not going to happen. Plus there'd be letters (there's always fecking letters) and if I got meds possible side effects etc. to think about. Plus I'm **** with regularity.

    Argghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I can't figure this out.

    Steffi, my parents know nothing... They know I went to the GP in November about it, but nothing came of that, and they've never said anything about it. I want it to stay that way.
    :hugs:

    Tell your doctor this - see what s/he suggests. Do you have a disposable income? Catch a bus, take a taxi, walk. There will be letters, but those letters will be addressed to you, and your parents have no right to read your letters. Perhaps you could ask not to receive letters; they may be able to e-mail you instead. Ask. You can re-new prescriptions online. I'm **** with regularity, too. I didn't take meds for a week because of it, but I suffered the consequences. Sometimes, in order to feel better, you need to take risks; you need do things you don't feel like doing. I know your lament is, "I can't do this/that/the other", but the fact is you can, you just don't feel like you can. Screw feelings. Feelings, particularly when you're depressed, grieving etc. aren't entirely objective and, at worst, can be irrational. Yes, feelings are important, but it is important to remember that you are in control, regardless of how you feel. And you can use that control to exert your power against these horrific feelings/thoughts/beliefs.

    Why are you afraid of your parents finding out? What is the worst that could happen if they do find out?
 
 
 
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