Depression Society MKIII

The things I've done can't be undone, or even sorted out, it's not a few bad years it's pretty much my whole life.

Everytime I speak to my mum she asks whether I still want to do the career I have in mind, and then always tells me I haven't got a chance when I say yes. Seems pointless to bother with next year at uni when it's not going to help in any way.



How're you? What happened?

Back from London. So freaking glad I can cry now if I want and I don't have to fake being happy 24/7

How was it?

Okay I think. It was annoying having to stay happy when all I wanted to do was cry/hurl myself in front of the train

How're you?

Well done on managing to get through it

I don't want to die. I don't want to live though, that's the problem. And I don't like being treated like a 5 year old who's having trouble tying their shoe laces and just needs a little bit more guidance.

Idon'twanttogotomorrowsobad

It's unlikely to be as bad as you think and if it is then tell them that and why and ask for some other form of help.

What other kind of help is there? The meds did **** all, made me worse. (I've just stopped feeling sick from the withdrawal... ****** ******* meds) Therapy sends me into a panic at the thought of it as I just don't know how to open up. I can't do this.

You can do this, just turn up and let it go from there. There are other meds and loads of different types of therapy.

You learn how to open up slowly over time and they expect you to be quite closed at first.

I can't do it I just can't.

I'm so ******* closed. I can't even open up to myself... I'm kidding myself. There's no way on earth that I'm going to be able to sort myself out in just two weeks. I dunno. What the **** am I meant to do?

You can, saying you can't will make you expect failure. Maybe try not thinking about it until you have to?

I'm just the same but I learned to sort of just say it in talking therapy. It took a few sessions but I got there. You can too.

It's all I can think about atm. It seems so phony... art therapy and baking therapy? **** that. I can draw and make cakes at home. I don't know

It's just to get you out of the house doing something, a sort of building block for later therapy.

I guess. I'm so scared though I'd rather do that myself, make up a plan and get things sorted to keep myself busy. I'd go swimming four times a week, sort all my uni stuff out, see friends, work (been signed off sick until the start of September ) and go out places. I wouldn't do those things, but I'd prefer to plan them.

ARGHIDLKVKLXCVKDS.

It's to get you to do them though, to face the fear that's built up around them, and socialise a little.

I suppose.

I'm not having doubts about uni... the course or the place... but starting to think more now about whether I should actually go. One year seems so long to wait again

IMO going means that you have something to do.

I've been given £500 by my parents... it's by no means a massive amount of money, but if I looked hard enough I could very easily deferred uni for the year, get a better job out of the pub industry and buy myself a car and a horse out of my savings. Would be a damn stupid idea mind.