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    Why do I bother trying to keep up this charade of being normalish? Not even managing to do a decent job of that. I'm not normal. I'm a freak. A total freak. I want to shave my head, get a load of awesome tattoos and piercings and give people a proper reason to stare at me and talk about me all the time. I've tried to fit in, I've tried so much, changed my clothes, my hair, go to the gym, but nothing works they still do it. ****ers.

    Why am I even going back to uni? Nothing's changed, I still won't be able to concentrate, speak in seminars or make friends. I had it all planned out what societies to join and stuff, I've tried to do the reading to prepare for the year and get a bit ahead but it's all totally useless, I'm going to **** up again just like I always do. I'm so ******* worthless.

    My dad's had enough, he hasn't spoken to me once all summer, he's ignored my emails and my birthday/father's day cards to him. My mum is trying so hard to hide her disappointment in me but I know she is, I don't know how she can bare to even look at me. I wish I could end it. If I'd done it 3 years ago I wouldn't have met my friend, I wouldn't hurt him, but he tells me not to do it, I don't know why as I bring him so much pain. They're threatening to hurt him if I don't hurt myself. Yet still he tells me not to do it, he doesn't understand at all. Why the hell didn't I do it when I had the perfect chance?

    I'm sorry for the rant, I embarrass myself even on the internet.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Awesome what are you getting done? if you don't mind me asking. I love looking at people's tattoos but I'm too fickle to get one myself. :p:
    i am hopefully getting a fairy done on my arm. I already have a phoenix on my back
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    starting to feel really really down.
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    starting to feel really really down.
    :hugs: Any idea why?
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    (Original post by BruceTaylor)
    :hugs: Any idea why?

    i just cant even look at myself
    its gonna be a bad day i know it
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    i just cant even look at myself
    its gonna be a bad day i know it
    :hugs: I'm sorry. Just remember that you're a wonderful person. I know it's hard to believe sometimes, but you are.
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    The family are off on holiday tomorrow. If i didn't have this stupid stupid illness i would be going with them. stupid.
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    I don't understand why they keep having a go at me, my mum is being perfectly horrible to me and my dad just lets her, if I say anything back or get upset then it's because I can't control myself but she keeps pushing and pushing me!

    I honestly don't think they'd care if I was dead.
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    i had to get a new laptop and I bloody hate vista, it's making me feel like smashing my own face in just so I can make someone sort everything out for me through pity.
    can't wait for windows 7 to arrive, only 2 months to go!

    oh, and also I went in my brothers room earlier to find him crushing up mass amounts of ibuprofen and paracetamol. I think he wanted me to see but I took it all off him and let mum know anyway. the guy messes with me to the point that I think everything he does is just to do my head in. I don't see anyone deciding to crush up painkillers and snort them over just swallowing a bunch of pills. and his door wasn't even locked, it's always locked. everything about the way it happened, down to having plans for the evening, makes me think it was all either to make me feel guilty for the other night or a cry for attention. I've tried to talk to him about it and he wasn't having any of it. just left the house.
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    i felt a bit weak earlier so decided to sleep. just woke up. earlier my mum told me shed get me fish and chips but didnt so i havent eaten anything all day. meh. tbf though i was asleep. my mouth is still in pain. ive been taking paracetomels/other drugs like cocodomel and ibuprofen for a week now and it just seems a bit vast seeing as im taking them every few hours and i really dont want to anymore. but i have to cos of the pain. meh.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Why do I bother trying to keep up this charade of being normalish? Not even managing to do a decent job of that. I'm not normal. I'm a freak. A total freak. I want to shave my head, get a load of awesome tattoos and piercings and give people a proper reason to stare at me and talk about me all the time. I've tried to fit in, I've tried so much, changed my clothes, my hair, go to the gym, but nothing works they still do it. ****ers.

    Why am I even going back to uni? Nothing's changed, I still won't be able to concentrate, speak in seminars or make friends. I had it all planned out what societies to join and stuff, I've tried to do the reading to prepare for the year and get a bit ahead but it's all totally useless, I'm going to **** up again just like I always do. I'm so ******* worthless.

    My dad's had enough, he hasn't spoken to me once all summer, he's ignored my emails and my birthday/father's day cards to him. My mum is trying so hard to hide her disappointment in me but I know she is, I don't know how she can bare to even look at me. I wish I could end it. If I'd done it 3 years ago I wouldn't have met my friend, I wouldn't hurt him, but he tells me not to do it, I don't know why as I bring him so much pain. They're threatening to hurt him if I don't hurt myself. Yet still he tells me not to do it, he doesn't understand at all. Why the hell didn't I do it when I had the perfect chance?

    I'm sorry for the rant, I embarrass myself even on the internet.
    If it is any help at all I feel the same way. I don't see the point in continuing, ever since college has finished I am just one big lump. So much has happened and I am sick of pretending everything is normal, I sit there watching tv and all i am thinking is by god I want to die, and I am not even religious. I feel so bad for my close friends, they don't know what to say or do and I don't want to hurt them. I can't help but think if I was gone, yeah they'd be sad at first but they'd get over it and it would be better for everyone in the long run.
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    (Original post by Immunity)
    If it is any help at all I feel the same way. I don't see the point in continuing, ever since college has finished I am just one big lump. So much has happened and I am sick of pretending everything is normal, I sit there watching tv and all i am thinking is by god I want to die, and I am not even religious. I feel so bad for my close friends, they don't know what to say or do and I don't want to hurt them. I can't help but think if I was gone, yeah they'd be sad at first but they'd get over it and it would be better for everyone in the long run.
    I'm sorry you feel the same way :hugs:

    I wish I knew what to say, except if you want to talk I'm about.
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    i ca'nt read much but alcholo ois the solution toallllll our probnlemos
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    i ca'nt read much but alcholo ois the solution toallllll our probnlemos
    :hugs: Hope you still agree with this in the morning.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    i ca'nt read much but alcholo ois the solution toallllll our probnlemos

    :no: :p: :hugs:
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    Lol d.d
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    just posted this on another thread

    I HAVE BEEN TAKING PARACETOMELS/DRUGS FOR A WEEK NOW EVER FEW HOURS IM ALL DRUGGED UP


    I FEEL SO **** I LOVE MY SLLEP AND NOT HAD A GOOD NIGHTS SLLEEP IN AGESSS

    JUST FEEL LIKe crying

    :bawling:
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    just posted this on another thread

    I HAVE BEEN TAKING PARACETOMELS/DRUGS FOR A WEEK NOW EVER FEW HOURS IM ALL DRUGGED UP


    I FEEL SO **** I LOVE MY SLLEP AND NOT HAD A GOOD NIGHTS SLLEEP IN AGESSS

    JUST FEEL LIKe crying

    :bawling:
    :hugs: What's happened?
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    oh its the mouth again. the pain keeps waking me up from my sleep and i dont know when i'll stop taking tablets. just want the pain to goooo
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    oh its the mouth again. the pain keeps waking me up from my sleep and i dont know when i'll stop taking tablets. just want the pain to goooo
    See a dentist, they'll be able to help you. I don't like the way the pain is making you feel :sad:
 
 
 
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