Hey Guys,
I just wanted to share me sort of 'Eureka' moment i had the other day.
I've been really stuggling since coming out of in-patient treatment and finding it difficult to carve a way out of this hossible illness. But the other day a lady i know said to me 'You look awful, really really unwell, are you okay?'. Normally i would take this as a huge insult and use it to encourage my eating disorder 'excusing' myself as such. But instead i went home and looked at myself in the mirror. For the first time i saw the real ugly face of an eating disorder and saw what it had done to me.
I realised how much it had taken away from me physically and mentally. I felt strong and even decided i was going to have breakfast, lunch and dinner and i achieved this!!! Obviously not without anxiety and worry. But i did it.
For the first time in ten years, i have not used other peoples comments to encourage my self-destructing behaviour but used it in a positive way to face up to the illness and not let it win the battle.
Its a long road ahead, but after applying for my student finance this week it has spurred me on to really look forward to the future. Accepting that maybe it will always be a part of mylife. But how big a part of my life, is up to my strength and confidence.
Keep safe guys
xxxx