I've posted in here before, but then things got better and I tried not to think about everything. However, recently things have gotten worse and I feel like I'll be back again, more frequently than before.
I've been the same weight for the past 6ish months and although it didn't bother me before, it is REALLY starting to drag me down now. It seems like every single girl I see is tiny and I can only see myself getting bigger. Recently during the week I've been eating less than 1000kcal and even then it is only fruit, veg and quorn I eat - nothing 'bad'. For the one night I am with my fiance alone we have wine, some crisps and just relax and for that night I don't feel bad, but the next day I feel awful.
It's getting to the point now, that today I have 2 slices of toast, an apple and then went to a chinese buffet where I had two small plates of the 'starter' food, and never even finished them and now I feel crap. I walked around for about 2 hours beforehand, pushing a pram with a 28-29lb 2year old in it and I'll be exercising later tonight, but I don't feel that justifies anything, even though in total I've eaten less than about 1800kcal I'd say.
I've already planned to eat only fruit tomorrow, do a home exercise, go to the gym and work an 8 hour bar/waitressing shift in order to counteract what I ate today.
It's honestly soul destroying, I know it's not healthy, but my drive to just lose weight is clouding everything else.