Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Feel like a bit of an imposter for posting in this thread, but I don't really know where else to go, so...
I used to struggle EDNOS and purging through my last couple of years of highschool. My parents found out, and forced me into therapy and to eat normally again. Since then, I've gained all the weight I'd lost back and more and been pretty successful in drowning out a lot of sneaky ED thoughts with a ridiculous work and hobbies.
But I'm moving out for university for a couple of weeks, and I've noticed some of my old habits coming back over the past few months. I feel like maybe I'm trying to pick up from where I left off now that I wont have my parents peering over my shoulder...
I really, really don't want to get help- I never wanted to recover in the first place, and I know that I should nip this in the bud but I just can't. If i'm honest, I don't really know why I'm posting this here. I just wanted to out somewhere, I guess...
I used to struggle EDNOS and purging through my last couple of years of highschool. My parents found out, and forced me into therapy and to eat normally again. Since then, I've gained all the weight I'd lost back and more and been pretty successful in drowning out a lot of sneaky ED thoughts with a ridiculous work and hobbies.
But I'm moving out for university for a couple of weeks, and I've noticed some of my old habits coming back over the past few months. I feel like maybe I'm trying to pick up from where I left off now that I wont have my parents peering over my shoulder...
I really, really don't want to get help- I never wanted to recover in the first place, and I know that I should nip this in the bud but I just can't. If i'm honest, I don't really know why I'm posting this here. I just wanted to out somewhere, I guess...
An important point: there's either a problem or there isn't. There's no " small ED".
Either your eating is normal, carefree and simple... Or not. X
Either your eating is normal, carefree and simple... Or not. X
Original post by Anonymous
Feel like a bit of an imposter for posting in this thread, but I don't really know where else to go, so...
I used to struggle EDNOS and purging through my last couple of years of highschool. My parents found out, and forced me into therapy and to eat normally again. Since then, I've gained all the weight I'd lost back and more and been pretty successful in drowning out a lot of sneaky ED thoughts with a ridiculous work and hobbies.
But I'm moving out for university for a couple of weeks, and I've noticed some of my old habits coming back over the past few months. I feel like maybe I'm trying to pick up from where I left off now that I wont have my parents peering over my shoulder...
I really, really don't want to get help- I never wanted to recover in the first place, and I know that I should nip this in the bud but I just can't. If i'm honest, I don't really know why I'm posting this here. I just wanted to out somewhere, I guess...
I used to struggle EDNOS and purging through my last couple of years of highschool. My parents found out, and forced me into therapy and to eat normally again. Since then, I've gained all the weight I'd lost back and more and been pretty successful in drowning out a lot of sneaky ED thoughts with a ridiculous work and hobbies.
But I'm moving out for university for a couple of weeks, and I've noticed some of my old habits coming back over the past few months. I feel like maybe I'm trying to pick up from where I left off now that I wont have my parents peering over my shoulder...
I really, really don't want to get help- I never wanted to recover in the first place, and I know that I should nip this in the bud but I just can't. If i'm honest, I don't really know why I'm posting this here. I just wanted to out somewhere, I guess...
Hi there, I couldn't help but reply to you because our situations are (or in my case were) almost terrifyingly similar.
This is my full story but it's long so I spoilered
Spoiler
Firsly, I've been where you are, and I'm sure a few others here have too; 'recovering' with no intention of actually recovering. EDs are such personal and selfish conditions that recovery isn't something other people can truly force on you. You can pretend, you can go through the motions of health and churn out the right answers to the questions, but until you really want to you can't kick it
I will say that I think you should try to get some help, because otherwise life becomes more terrifying and complicated than it ever needs to be and you don't really want that when you go off to university. Who wants to be the person that can't join in a big group pizza-and-beer-fest or something without worrying about when you'll be able to make it to washroom and how you'll hide this rather ugly side of you from your new friends?
We're all far too young and lovely to have to worry about these things so stay strong and fight them ED thoughts!
And the reason you're posting here is because you want someone to know what you're going through and to ease your mind a little, even if it's just strangers. It's why the invented the anonymous box
Original post by Anonymous
Does the guilt that comes with eating ever go away? I can't imagine ever eating a meal without worrying about it. Even when I eat normally, I can't pick my fork up and think nothing of it. I eat it, I acheive my goals, but I still worry. Will this ever stop? I can't live the rest of my life feeling guilty for eating.
It does, it honestly does. You can learn to like and love food again without guilt. I've been recovered for ages now and I can honestly say I enjoy good food without guilt and without getting obsessed. I've learnt to treat food as a nutritional source. It keeps me strong, it keeps everything going and working inside me, it makes other people happy if I eat too because it's a sociable thing. Going for a meal, having a dinner party etc. is part of life, it brings people together. Eating is a good thing and one day you'll realise that too. It's not impossible
x
Original post by jazzykinks
It does, it honestly does. You can learn to like and love food again without guilt. I've been recovered for ages now and I can honestly say I enjoy good food without guilt and without getting obsessed. I've learnt to treat food as a nutritional source. It keeps me strong, it keeps everything going and working inside me, it makes other people happy if I eat too because it's a sociable thing. Going for a meal, having a dinner party etc. is part of life, it brings people together. Eating is a good thing and one day you'll realise that too. It's not impossible x
xYAY. I love a bit of positivism on this thread. It's what keeps me going. To see that there's green grass on the other side and I'm not on this tough trek for nothing. YOU'RE SO COOL.
just saying
Original post by jazzykinks
It does, it honestly does. You can learn to like and love food again without guilt. I've been recovered for ages now and I can honestly say I enjoy good food without guilt and without getting obsessed. I've learnt to treat food as a nutritional source. It keeps me strong, it keeps everything going and working inside me, it makes other people happy if I eat too because it's a sociable thing. Going for a meal, having a dinner party etc. is part of life, it brings people together. Eating is a good thing and one day you'll realise that too. It's not impossible x
xThis is great
I'm having an awful day. I couldn't manage a McDonalds with the family, so just sat in the car while they ate theirs. Mum called me miserable and everyone looked at me funny. I feel absolutely awful - she made me feel so small and stupid; I want nothing more than to be able to chow down on a big mac and fries but it's so. hard. I didn't refuse just to annoy her, or to be miserable...I refused because I can't do it
Now she's in a mood with me and giving me the silent treatment and evil stares, while my sister is getting hugs and they are laughing together. Feeling terrible
I wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy. I know I'm going to get better though, eventually, and I'm going to look back on days like this and be proud of getting over them. I will not let it destroy my family. I will NOT.
Candle, the restriction is bad, but the isolation is 100% the greater evil. Next time, join them and get a grilled chicken and bacon salad; it's negligible calories and you still get the experience. It's all baby steps, I've learned it genuinely doesn't have to be "all or nothing" as my ED used to dictate.
Baby steps sweetheart.
Spoiler
Baby steps sweetheart.
Hi all, decided to give this thread one more go despite not much responses before because I now have a dietician but will spoiler the info in case it stresses some people it.
Spoiler
Original post by TotoMimo
Candle, the restriction is bad, but the isolation is 100% the greater evil. Next time, join them and get a grilled chicken and bacon salad; it's negligible calories and you still get the experience. It's all baby steps, I've learned it genuinely doesn't have to be "all or nothing" as my ED used to dictate.
Baby steps sweetheart.
Spoiler
Baby steps sweetheart.
Thank you, Toto. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
You are right about the isolation. The way my mum looks at me just breaks my heart. I'm sure she thinks I go into my room at night, chuckling like Dick Dastardly, saying "That was a great day of winding mum up by not eating!"
Original post by Anonymous
Spoiler
Hey, sorry I haven't replied yet.
Spoiler
Hi guys, thanks for making this thread.
I'm gonna ask a really blunt question and I don't wish to cause any offence to anyone, I just need opions... Does anyone actually think it's possible to totally recover from anorexia? As in not just gain weight and look 'normal' but actually keep a healthy mindset about food and exercise issues.
A bit of background info, I have 'recovered' and relapsed more times than I can think of and I KNOW I need to get better, I KNOW what I'm doing to mysle fis wrong but it's too much.
Why does the medical system think you can treat a mental illness with physical treatment.. ie. you've achieved your target weight, you're on your own from here!
I'm gonna ask a really blunt question and I don't wish to cause any offence to anyone, I just need opions... Does anyone actually think it's possible to totally recover from anorexia? As in not just gain weight and look 'normal' but actually keep a healthy mindset about food and exercise issues.
A bit of background info, I have 'recovered' and relapsed more times than I can think of and I KNOW I need to get better, I KNOW what I'm doing to mysle fis wrong but it's too much.
Why does the medical system think you can treat a mental illness with physical treatment.. ie. you've achieved your target weight, you're on your own from here!
Original post by jft18
Hi guys, thanks for making this thread.
I'm gonna ask a really blunt question and I don't wish to cause any offence to anyone, I just need opions... Does anyone actually think it's possible to totally recover from anorexia? As in not just gain weight and look 'normal' but actually keep a healthy mindset about food and exercise issues.
A bit of background info, I have 'recovered' and relapsed more times than I can think of and I KNOW I need to get better, I KNOW what I'm doing to mysle fis wrong but it's too much.
Why does the medical system think you can treat a mental illness with physical treatment.. ie. you've achieved your target weight, you're on your own from here!
I'm gonna ask a really blunt question and I don't wish to cause any offence to anyone, I just need opions... Does anyone actually think it's possible to totally recover from anorexia? As in not just gain weight and look 'normal' but actually keep a healthy mindset about food and exercise issues.
A bit of background info, I have 'recovered' and relapsed more times than I can think of and I KNOW I need to get better, I KNOW what I'm doing to mysle fis wrong but it's too much.
Why does the medical system think you can treat a mental illness with physical treatment.. ie. you've achieved your target weight, you're on your own from here!
Spoiler
about your services. Is there any mental health service you could contact, counsellor, or a person you completely trust who you can open up to to start with and then get in touch with a professional from there?I know I felt just like you, got back to a healthy weight half-way through therapy and then chucked out because I turned 19, terrified really. There was still work to do, still is, but it's a lot better. I don't know where I'd be without my family, friends and the teams I work with now. x
Original post by jft18
Hi guys, thanks for making this thread.
I'm gonna ask a really blunt question and I don't wish to cause any offence to anyone, I just need opions... Does anyone actually think it's possible to totally recover from anorexia? As in not just gain weight and look 'normal' but actually keep a healthy mindset about food and exercise issues.
A bit of background info, I have 'recovered' and relapsed more times than I can think of and I KNOW I need to get better, I KNOW what I'm doing to mysle fis wrong but it's too much.
Why does the medical system think you can treat a mental illness with physical treatment.. ie. you've achieved your target weight, you're on your own from here!
I'm gonna ask a really blunt question and I don't wish to cause any offence to anyone, I just need opions... Does anyone actually think it's possible to totally recover from anorexia? As in not just gain weight and look 'normal' but actually keep a healthy mindset about food and exercise issues.
A bit of background info, I have 'recovered' and relapsed more times than I can think of and I KNOW I need to get better, I KNOW what I'm doing to mysle fis wrong but it's too much.
Why does the medical system think you can treat a mental illness with physical treatment.. ie. you've achieved your target weight, you're on your own from here!
It totally is. Speaking from personal experience here
Been recovered for 2 years. I go to the gym regularly but I maintain my weight by understanding what I've burnt and what I need to eat to make up for it. It is definitely possible but you need to truly learn to accept yourself and put past issues behind and resolve them to move forward. I think that the reason why you're relapsing is because the underlying issues haven't wholly been dealt with, therefore you go back to the ED again and again. I can honestly say that I now enjoy food -- not to the point of obsession -- and view it as nutritional, tasty and medicine for my body, something that I need to survive.Another thing that helps is thinking about what the ED is stealing from you whilst you have it. It stops you from truly living an ordinary life and causes so many complications. You lose so much by having one.
I have no idea. The thing is, they just discharge you ASAP because you're another drain on the system and they could be treating someone else. Just because you're physically okay doesn't mean you're mentally okay and inevitably, EDs are mental disorders. x
Thanks or your reply!!
I don't really wanna speak to my doc at home again because I know I;d either be told I'm not nderweight enough for emergency treatment (cos I'm 19 and there's never enough room for treatment once your out of child services). But I'm gonna try and puck up the courage to speak to someone proffessional at uni when I go back, depending on how I feel.
Glad you're doing better!! x
I don't really wanna speak to my doc at home again because I know I;d either be told I'm not nderweight enough for emergency treatment (cos I'm 19 and there's never enough room for treatment once your out of child services). But I'm gonna try and puck up the courage to speak to someone proffessional at uni when I go back, depending on how I feel.
Glad you're doing better!!
xAnd thanks 'Jazzykinks', sounds like you're doing great - well done!! x
Hey, is it weird to chew/spit? I've started doing this in the past few days, helps to stop me bingeing...
I just ate a meal... A proper meal... this late at night... with meat! But I was so hungry! And I assumed my body would be able to throw it back up but I can't! No matter how hard I try... I can't! It won't come back up! And I ate too much...
Oh, I'm freaking out?! I can't do this!?! I'm so tired and sleepy... I can't sleep with all this inside me! I'm so close to bursting into tears... Should I try again in a few minutes? It's all fat... I'll lose everything I've worked so much for... I can't believe I was so stupid to eat... But yet again, I know I needed that food... I need that food to stay inside for my body... But I'm so scared!
Please, someone help me. I don't want to lose myself like this... What can I do to make this feeling of... fear go away?
Oh, I'm freaking out?! I can't do this!?! I'm so tired and sleepy... I can't sleep with all this inside me! I'm so close to bursting into tears... Should I try again in a few minutes? It's all fat... I'll lose everything I've worked so much for... I can't believe I was so stupid to eat... But yet again, I know I needed that food... I need that food to stay inside for my body... But I'm so scared!
Please, someone help me. I don't want to lose myself like this... What can I do to make this feeling of... fear go away?
Original post by Anonymous
Hey, is it weird to chew/spit? I've started doing this in the past few days, helps to stop me bingeing...
it's weird in the sense its not normal. I'll admit I've done it before - and it makes me binge.
To the frantic last anon... I hope you looked at your post again this morning with an air of clarity and realised how your mental disorder can make you chaotic and abnormally reactive to an absolutely normal human scenario. If I was to post,
"OMFG HELP, I ATE A BIT OF CAKE! Guys, HELP, HELP, I'm going to gain 6 stones tomorrow!!" - I bet even you would say, "this guy's crazy!", but at the time, your ED does nutty things in your head.
Read your post out loud, and imagine I was saying those exact words to YOU in person. Breathe. Reflect.
"OMFG HELP, I ATE A BIT OF CAKE! Guys, HELP, HELP, I'm going to gain 6 stones tomorrow!!" - I bet even you would say, "this guy's crazy!", but at the time, your ED does nutty things in your head.
Read your post out loud, and imagine I was saying those exact words to YOU in person. Breathe. Reflect.
I'm sick of this, I need to grow up. It's tearing me and my BF apart - not least because my personality seems to have become stuck in 2005 
I'm so childish and precocious, it's unbearable.
I'm so childish and precocious, it's unbearable. 
