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Mental Health Support Society Mk X
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Feeling nervy and anxious today, about to phone the doctors for an appointment finally since I came out with a rash last night. Going to mention my mental state when I'm there and see what he thinks.
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Original post by james1211
Feeling nervy and anxious today, about to phone the doctors for an appointment finally since I came out with a rash last night. Going to mention my mental state when I'm there and see what he thinks.
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Best of luck! Just remember the doc is there to help you.. Hope it goes well
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Original post by -FireFlies-
Thanks, I have to wait till Friday morning because they're so busy
it's not my normal doctor either but I'm not too concerned about that. Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by luno
Glad you enjoyed it .
I can understand what you mean. When I am genuinely enjoying myself in the back of my mind I still think 'why do I feel so ****?'
Ah you've got a good friend there! Did you watch one in the end?
Things feel a bit strange at the moment. Before this week I was just generally feeling really low with very negative thoughts and just had a bad outlook about everything. But this week, I have no idea what's changed, I'm feeling the most ok I have felt in months... maybe even years. I haven't done anything different and feel bad about being ignored by friend but now it's like there's nothing huge weighing me down.
Before this week I would spend the day either feeling not too bad because of keeping myself busy or just faking being happy but then breaking down and feeling terrible whenever I am alone but this week I haven't. I even sang along to songs that generally make me cry...
Sorry for the ramble. It's good feeling this way but it also feels strange! I don't think it'll last though.
How have you been? Sorry about the things happening with your sister but like others have said, it isn't your fault
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And thanks for the PM a while back, it was really sweet of you to write such kind things
. Sorry I never replied properly 
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. I can understand what you mean. When I am genuinely enjoying myself in the back of my mind I still think 'why do I feel so ****?'
Ah you've got a good friend there! Did you watch one in the end?
Things feel a bit strange at the moment. Before this week I was just generally feeling really low with very negative thoughts and just had a bad outlook about everything. But this week, I have no idea what's changed, I'm feeling the most ok I have felt in months... maybe even years. I haven't done anything different and feel bad about being ignored by friend but now it's like there's nothing huge weighing me down.
Before this week I would spend the day either feeling not too bad because of keeping myself busy or just faking being happy but then breaking down and feeling terrible whenever I am alone but this week I haven't. I even sang along to songs that generally make me cry...
Sorry for the ramble. It's good feeling this way but it also feels strange! I don't think it'll last though.
How have you been? Sorry about the things happening with your sister but like others have said, it isn't your fault
. And thanks for the PM a while back, it was really sweet of you to write such kind things
. Sorry I never replied properly .I don't think I ever enjoy myself. I don't know. The best I really seem to feel is an absence of bad stuff. Try to focus on just the good stuff that is happening now, but I can't seem to do present thinking properly or for very long before am bombarded with all the nastiness again.
Am really glad you're feeling ok atm
I can imagine after so long of feeling crappy it would feel peculiar, especially as you can't pinpoint any reason for it. Depression does naturally vary in intensity though, so it might be that you're finally getting a break. I hope it lasts for you.You're welcome, was only saying the truth
And I thought you had replied, am I imagining things?!Original post by Anonymous
Anyway, hope you can sort things out!
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Anyway, hope you can sort things out!
Thanks for the reply. I'm glad you managed to talk to your parents and they're being supportive of you. What's your thesis about?
Unfortunately I think it's a bit more than a slump for me. My parents think I'm being very lazy, unmotivated, selfish when I don't really go out or spend lots of time (crying) alone in my room, but actually am not choosing to be like this I'm just very ill atm. I don't know whether that is reasonable or not. I feel exceedingly **** about the extent to which my life is affected and my natural instinct is to blame myself for it, because I'm not trying hard enough, am bad person, blah de blah (see I even bore myself im so repetitive) but I am ill and illness can prevent you from doing things/make basic living the hardest thing in the world let alone anything else. I really know that I put in a **** tonne effort to get up every morning and try to act like im not withered away and that exhausts me and leaves my dying in my room which I can't do anything about. I think. I don't know I still think if I was stronger I would manage better. sorry for the ridiculous ramble i have no idea what I just said.
Original post by superwolf
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Your parents should not be disappointed in you when you are fighting your hardest to keep going. They should be proud to have such an amazing daughter.
Your parents should not be disappointed in you when you are fighting your hardest to keep going. They should be proud to have such an amazing daughter.
I think the point I was making is that I'm not amazing hence why they aren't proud. I know you're under the illusion that anyone who posts here (in a genuine, un-dickish way) happens also to be an awesome person, but I promise you're wrong. My watching some screwball or liking crafts or whatever else reason you're going to use to prove how great I am doesn't negate the bad stuff. The bad stuff pretty much being I'm not really a human being with a personality any more, I'm just a selfish body moving about turning everything to dirt. Sorry for the melodramatics aha.
I don't understand why I'm still keeping on. I don't think you could call it fighting seeing as I'm doing absolutely nothing proactive about it. Swallow my meds, don't kill myself are basically my sole achievements each day. The world is really over-populated and that is only going to get worse. I don't bring anything novel or great, lot's of people can do what I can do but easier and better. I am hurting more than I can put into words, and I'm hurting other people because of that as well. Objectively the world would be a little bit better without me. Even just in terms of NHS budget. I feel completely empty of anything worthwhile, and everything around me feels completely meaningless as well. So me still being alive is not an achievement from a fighter. It's the result of my final selfish cowardice.
Original post by Sultana
I think the point I was making is that I'm not amazing hence why they aren't proud. I know you're under the illusion that anyone who posts here (in a genuine, un-dickish way) happens also to be an awesome person, but I promise you're wrong. My watching some screwball or liking crafts or whatever else reason you're going to use to prove how great I am doesn't negate the bad stuff. The bad stuff pretty much being I'm not really a human being with a personality any more, I'm just a selfish body moving about turning everything to dirt. Sorry for the melodramatics aha.
I don't understand why I'm still keeping on. I don't think you could call it fighting seeing as I'm doing absolutely nothing proactive about it. Swallow my meds, don't kill myself are basically my sole achievements each day. The world is really over-populated and that is only going to get worse. I don't bring anything novel or great, lot's of people can do what I can do but easier and better. I am hurting more than I can put into words, and I'm hurting other people because of that as well. Objectively the world would be a little bit better without me. Even just in terms of NHS budget. I feel completely empty of anything worthwhile, and everything around me feels completely meaningless as well. So me still being alive is not an achievement from a fighter. It's the result of my final selfish cowardice.
I don't understand why I'm still keeping on. I don't think you could call it fighting seeing as I'm doing absolutely nothing proactive about it. Swallow my meds, don't kill myself are basically my sole achievements each day. The world is really over-populated and that is only going to get worse. I don't bring anything novel or great, lot's of people can do what I can do but easier and better. I am hurting more than I can put into words, and I'm hurting other people because of that as well. Objectively the world would be a little bit better without me. Even just in terms of NHS budget. I feel completely empty of anything worthwhile, and everything around me feels completely meaningless as well. So me still being alive is not an achievement from a fighter. It's the result of my final selfish cowardice.
And the point I'm making is that, although awesome, you are also a total dumbass.
I don't think you're awesome because you happen to like some of the same stuff as me (although that gains you extra bonus points), I think you're awesome because you're a strong, funny and intelligent person who I wish I knew in real life. And I'm not under any illusions about the people who post on here - I just know how to see their good side, because all of us in here have one, just mental illness tends to make us forget that. And I challenge you to find any other corner of TSR/the whole damn internet that contains such a great collection of supportive, generous and all-round fabulous people. I know mental illness can bring out the worst in people, but I've also seen that it can make you a kinder, more sympathetic and generous person, and in fact bring out the best in you too when you get together to support other people. I think I'm a much nicer person for having had depression. Doubt I'd have actually chosen the trade-off, but it happened and here I am.Really and seriously, you need to stop hating yourself. You are a good person. You've been given a pretty ****ty deal in terms of life events, but I do believe you're strong enough to prevail eventually. You're not destroying anybody's life, you're a positive influence in the lives of many, and if you could accept that I think it would help you in your recovery which is totally going to happen.
And I know exactly how you feel in terms of being a waste of space, cos I've been there too. However looking back, I know that I wasn't contributing much to society during that time of space wastage, but overall in my life I've been at least moderately awesome. I put it to you that the sum total of you is and will be awesome too. Especially when you take into account the many awesomenesses of Sultana's Life Yet to Come.
Original post by -FireFlies-
Thanks
how are you doing?----------------
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relapse is imminent. i bought everything i needed and then my gf calls so im spending the night at hers and now im just frustrated. we'll end up fighting because im in defensive attack mode and i dont know what to do.
Original post by ANONYM00SE
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Hey, sorry to hear that! Do you have any other family that might listen?
But anyway, as superwolf said, rant away, it helps
Original post by superwolf
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Original post by Anonymous
Hey, sorry to hear that! Do you have any other family that might listen?
But anyway, as superwolf said, rant away, it helps
But anyway, as superwolf said, rant away, it helps
thanks, nope I don't have anyone else really. I have my boyfriend but I don't like to burden him with absolutely everything.
Original post by ANONYM00SE
thanks, nope I don't have anyone else really. I have my boyfriend but I don't like to burden him with absolutely everything.
Yea I guess that is wise. But he might actually like being able to be there for you
Everyone would be so much better if I didn't be. Why am I too **** to do what I need to? Having 'hope' for my future is ridiculous, unachievable and ****ing selfish. Why can't I do what is best for everyone, and why do people's wrong emotions on the subject keep clouding my judgment? It's ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. If I had half an ounce of self restraint and selflessness left in me then I could say that this is my last post, but I know that I'm normally weak and irrational so I don't think I can say that.
My heart hurts.
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My heart hurts.
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Original post by ParadoxSocks
relapse is imminent. i bought everything i needed and then my gf calls so im spending the night at hers and now im just frustrated. we'll end up fighting because im in defensive attack mode and i dont know what to do.
Can you talk to your girlfriend about how you're feeling, rather than getting into a fight with her? And relapsing is never good, so you could do with your girlfriend's support I reckon.Original post by ANONYM00SE
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