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Mental Health Support Society Mk X
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Hi everyone, I've never posted in here before, but here goes. Sorry it's a bit of a long one.
I've struggled with mental health issues for over 18 months now, but I think the problem probably started 4 and a half years ago when my granddad died because I don't think I've felt properly happy since then, it just took a while to get really bad. Anxiety was the one to hit first - I remember it was around this time last year that I started to really worry about my relationship with my boyfriend and it began to take over my life (although it had been quite bad for about 8 months by this point and I'd already had a couple of counselling sessions). I remember going about 4 days without eating properly just before I started uni again, followed by one day when my boyfriend wasn't great with replying to texts and I interpreted what he was saying to mean he wanted us to break up, which ended with me marching round to his house sobbing because I just wanted to see him for reassurance. After that, it just got continually worse. Got told in October last year that I had an anxiety problem that I should get help for when I went to get a repeat prescription for the Pill at the doctor's. It caused a lot of arguments with my boyfriend and my parents because I struggled to explain what was wrong, I spent a lot of time sobbing, shaking, feeling sick and not being able to eat because I was just so worried about everything, especially my relationship. The stress of uni might have contributed.
Around February, depression started to creep in too. I started to feel like I didn't want to get out of bed, like I wanted to just give up on everything, like I didn't want to exist anymore. I nearly broke up with my boyfriend because I didn't want to ruin our relationship and thought we should end on good terms before my illness meant things ended badly. I came back to uni to do my exams after Easter and finally started seeing a counsellor I liked after having issues with a previous counsellor not really understanding why I was there, and being referred to the wrong student support service the second time I registered for help. She was concerned about my constant high level of anxiety and thought I probably had depression too, and told me to see a GP, who was about to prescribe me some anti-depressants until I mentioned my exams starting the week after. I felt like I was making improvements with the counselling, but things still seemed to be getting worse for the first few weeks. I got particularly anxious the morning before one of my exams - I remember sitting in a café with my coursemates and crying and shaking - because I was scared about the exam and my relationship worries had really blown up in my head. Luckily on the way to the exam I happened to bump into my boyfriend on campus, and he was very reassuring and even asked if I wanted to be taken to see someone so I didn't have to sit the exam because I was in such a state. In the end I did sit the exam feeling calmer.
The next week, I suddenly had a breakthrough with counselling and starting thinking a lot more positively, and ever since then I have felt so much better in general. I tried to talk to my parents about how they might have affected things and what they could do to help but it didn't get the greatest response (they kind of took it personally) so I've left it. What I have noticed though is that if I'm placed in a stressful situation or something makes me feel really annoyed, I do start to feel anxious again. And also more and more in the last few weeks, I've felt like my issues are definitely still there, lurking under the surface, waiting for me to slip up with what I was doing to make myself better and it's frustrated me that I'll probably always have these issues and I might need to have counselling for the foreseeable future.
I'm scared about going back to uni because I'll be under stress a lot of the time when I'm there because it'll be my third year so I can imagine the workload will increase from last year. I'll get to see my boyfriend more often, I'll have the support of my flatmates and other close friends and I'm also looking forward to being away from home because I sometimes feel like there's a lot of negativity here, but I don't think I could handle it if I went back to feeling like how I did last year. I don't think my boyfriend could handle it either and I don't think our relationship would survive. It got put under a lot of strain when I was really bad and I like to think we're stronger for it and he's a lot more understanding now, but I don't want to put him through all of that again. I love him and care about him more than anything else and it was horrible to see how much it upset him to see me so sad. I've told him that if he thinks I'm getting bad again to make me see a doctor ASAP to get it sorted out, but he's said he thinks I'll be fine because he thinks I've done really well. I also feel like I won't do as well as I know I can in my degree if I'm having to fight against my own brain all of the time because it's exhausting. I still don't feel like I can tell my parents anything about how I'm feeling because of how they responded last time.
I'll probably register for counselling again when I go back because the counsellor I saw before wants to see me again and I think it might be a good idea to stop everything from building up like it did (because I think that was why it got so bad) but (and I know this isn't true, but it doesn't stop me from thinking it anyway) I feel so weak for needing help dealing with things when there are people in much worse life situations than I am who don't. My boyfriend's way of dealing with things is to not think about them but I'm the complete opposite! And I don't want him to feel like he has to be my emotional support all of the time when he as enough things to deal with in his own life.
I didn't really intend this post to be so long, so thank you if you've read it all. I guess I just wanted to vent about it and TSR seemed like a good place to do that.
I've struggled with mental health issues for over 18 months now, but I think the problem probably started 4 and a half years ago when my granddad died because I don't think I've felt properly happy since then, it just took a while to get really bad. Anxiety was the one to hit first - I remember it was around this time last year that I started to really worry about my relationship with my boyfriend and it began to take over my life (although it had been quite bad for about 8 months by this point and I'd already had a couple of counselling sessions). I remember going about 4 days without eating properly just before I started uni again, followed by one day when my boyfriend wasn't great with replying to texts and I interpreted what he was saying to mean he wanted us to break up, which ended with me marching round to his house sobbing because I just wanted to see him for reassurance. After that, it just got continually worse. Got told in October last year that I had an anxiety problem that I should get help for when I went to get a repeat prescription for the Pill at the doctor's. It caused a lot of arguments with my boyfriend and my parents because I struggled to explain what was wrong, I spent a lot of time sobbing, shaking, feeling sick and not being able to eat because I was just so worried about everything, especially my relationship. The stress of uni might have contributed.
Around February, depression started to creep in too. I started to feel like I didn't want to get out of bed, like I wanted to just give up on everything, like I didn't want to exist anymore. I nearly broke up with my boyfriend because I didn't want to ruin our relationship and thought we should end on good terms before my illness meant things ended badly. I came back to uni to do my exams after Easter and finally started seeing a counsellor I liked after having issues with a previous counsellor not really understanding why I was there, and being referred to the wrong student support service the second time I registered for help. She was concerned about my constant high level of anxiety and thought I probably had depression too, and told me to see a GP, who was about to prescribe me some anti-depressants until I mentioned my exams starting the week after. I felt like I was making improvements with the counselling, but things still seemed to be getting worse for the first few weeks. I got particularly anxious the morning before one of my exams - I remember sitting in a café with my coursemates and crying and shaking - because I was scared about the exam and my relationship worries had really blown up in my head. Luckily on the way to the exam I happened to bump into my boyfriend on campus, and he was very reassuring and even asked if I wanted to be taken to see someone so I didn't have to sit the exam because I was in such a state. In the end I did sit the exam feeling calmer.
The next week, I suddenly had a breakthrough with counselling and starting thinking a lot more positively, and ever since then I have felt so much better in general. I tried to talk to my parents about how they might have affected things and what they could do to help but it didn't get the greatest response (they kind of took it personally) so I've left it. What I have noticed though is that if I'm placed in a stressful situation or something makes me feel really annoyed, I do start to feel anxious again. And also more and more in the last few weeks, I've felt like my issues are definitely still there, lurking under the surface, waiting for me to slip up with what I was doing to make myself better and it's frustrated me that I'll probably always have these issues and I might need to have counselling for the foreseeable future.
I'm scared about going back to uni because I'll be under stress a lot of the time when I'm there because it'll be my third year so I can imagine the workload will increase from last year. I'll get to see my boyfriend more often, I'll have the support of my flatmates and other close friends and I'm also looking forward to being away from home because I sometimes feel like there's a lot of negativity here, but I don't think I could handle it if I went back to feeling like how I did last year. I don't think my boyfriend could handle it either and I don't think our relationship would survive. It got put under a lot of strain when I was really bad and I like to think we're stronger for it and he's a lot more understanding now, but I don't want to put him through all of that again. I love him and care about him more than anything else and it was horrible to see how much it upset him to see me so sad. I've told him that if he thinks I'm getting bad again to make me see a doctor ASAP to get it sorted out, but he's said he thinks I'll be fine because he thinks I've done really well. I also feel like I won't do as well as I know I can in my degree if I'm having to fight against my own brain all of the time because it's exhausting. I still don't feel like I can tell my parents anything about how I'm feeling because of how they responded last time.
I'll probably register for counselling again when I go back because the counsellor I saw before wants to see me again and I think it might be a good idea to stop everything from building up like it did (because I think that was why it got so bad) but (and I know this isn't true, but it doesn't stop me from thinking it anyway) I feel so weak for needing help dealing with things when there are people in much worse life situations than I am who don't. My boyfriend's way of dealing with things is to not think about them but I'm the complete opposite! And I don't want him to feel like he has to be my emotional support all of the time when he as enough things to deal with in his own life.
I didn't really intend this post to be so long, so thank you if you've read it all. I guess I just wanted to vent about it and TSR seemed like a good place to do that.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by SciFiRory
I know it's bad but I feel meh so ordered me a pizza...cba to cook cause I not slept and I need comfort food...
Don't worry, it is ok to have pizza every now and then
Posted from TSR Mobile
Well I got through the exam - don't think I've done brilliantly, but at least I survived! 
Now rewarding myself with ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE.
Now rewarding myself with ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE.
Original post by BlueSheep32
xx
Hey thanks for sharing your story! it was really insightful to understand someone else, and see what others go through. I'm really glad that you had your breakthrough in your counselling and have a strong support network to get you through. Hey and when it comes to your degree everyone is rooting for you, I understand how hard it can be but you can do it. And I agree it's definitely good to see a counsellor so that things don't build up and just to talk. And don't feel weak, you're strong. You're strong for overcoming so much and you're strong for asking for help when you need it.Different people tolerate and react differently to situations.
And venting on Tsr is fun.
do it more if it helps 
Original post by anonymouspie227
ohh it makes sense, does hot food settle you?not hot like spicey hot like a meal lol. It does me, any time i eat a hot lunch that's me done for the day. lol. Aww,
its okay though because you've got time to shift your weight. 1 binge isn't going to be that bad in the long run especially if it lets you sleep!!!! , and yeah I'm trying to lose weight myself and it's hard not to binge out because its just there :/ mind you, we could try eating loads of good food like apples or veg instead? (>‿◠)✌
its okay though because you've got time to shift your weight. 1 binge isn't going to be that bad in the long run especially if it lets you sleep!!!! , and yeah I'm trying to lose weight myself and it's hard not to binge out because its just there :/ mind you, we could try eating loads of good food like apples or veg instead? (>‿◠)✌yeah, I guess, well I guess as much as anything a full stomach tires me a lot and just keeps me well fed. I suppose, I am awfully overweight though
don't really like much fruit or veg so it's hard 
Original post by avhhs
I dunno, I do this far too much :/
Original post by superwolf
Well I got through the exam - don't think I've done brilliantly, but at least I survived! Now rewarding myself with ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE.
Now rewarding myself with ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE.well done! I'm sure you did okay!
Original post by superwolf
Well I got through the exam - don't think I've done brilliantly, but at least I survived! Now rewarding myself with ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE.
Now rewarding myself with ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE.Dude well done for getting through it. x. And we can't always know how we did, but even so well done for surviving!
Enjoy your chocolate. 
Original post by SciFiRory
yeah, I guess, well I guess as much as anything a full stomach tires me a lot and just keeps me well fed. I suppose, I am awfully overweight though don't really like much fruit or veg so it's hard
don't really like much fruit or veg so it's hard 
. well at least weight can be ephemeral Mnn, we'll think of nice veg and fruit! Strawberry's are good? Grapes? Kiwi? Sweetcorn. I have a weird thing for sweetcorn. :/ I find it so tasty.
Original post by superwolf
Well I got through the exam - don't think I've done brilliantly, but at least I survived! Now rewarding myself with ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE.
Now rewarding myself with ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE.Well done, I hope you did well
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by anonymouspie227. well at least weight can be ephemeral Mnn, we'll think of nice veg and fruit! Strawberry's are good? Grapes? Kiwi? Sweetcorn.
I have a weird thing for sweetcorn. :/ I find it so tasty.
. well at least weight can be ephemeral Mnn, we'll think of nice veg and fruit! Strawberry's are good? Grapes? Kiwi? Sweetcorn. I have a weird thing for sweetcorn. :/ I find it so tasty.
Only mushrooms, pepper, cucumber and banana he eats
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Original post by PonchoKid
Ah, mushrooms are amazing tho!!
Feeling a bit sickly. I've literally done nothing today. (asides Tsr &doctors) Can't bring myself to do anything. But I need to.
Original post by anonymouspie227
Ah, mushrooms are amazing tho!!
Yeah there his fave so he does eat fruit and veg
................/...................../.................../.............
Still scared of when my step dad comes home :/
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Original post by avhhs
Thanks all of you 
the confirmation from UCAS came through last night .
the confirmation from UCAS came through last night .yeyyy congrats, you can now start getting ready to go to uni
All my hair is in the post. managed all the touching and talking and stuff ok
Had a flashback in therapy which kind of got in the way of talking about anything. Was totally dissociative afterwards but it was ok, didn't interfere with her next appointment cos she just asked me to sit in the waiting room and came out to check I was ok every so often. I'm back with it now so just need to remember to text to let her know I'm home ok.
Posted from TSR Mobile
managed all the touching and talking and stuff okHad a flashback in therapy which kind of got in the way of talking about anything. Was totally dissociative afterwards but it was ok, didn't interfere with her next appointment cos she just asked me to sit in the waiting room and came out to check I was ok every so often. I'm back with it now so just need to remember to text to let her know I'm home ok.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by asdfgah
All my hair is in the post. managed all the touching and talking and stuff ok
Had a flashback in therapy which kind of got in the way of talking about anything. Was totally dissociative afterwards but it was ok, didn't interfere with her next appointment cos she just asked me to sit in the waiting room and came out to check I was ok every so often. I'm back with it now so just need to remember to text to let her know I'm home ok.
Posted from TSR Mobile
managed all the touching and talking and stuff okHad a flashback in therapy which kind of got in the way of talking about anything. Was totally dissociative afterwards but it was ok, didn't interfere with her next appointment cos she just asked me to sit in the waiting room and came out to check I was ok every so often. I'm back with it now so just need to remember to text to let her know I'm home ok.
Posted from TSR Mobile
It's encouraging to see such a good rapport with your therapist?. Is it a private service or the one on the NHS? I'll be starting soon.
Original post by anonymouspie227
Hey thanks for sharing your story! it was really insightful to understand someone else, and see what others go through. I'm really glad that you had your breakthrough in your counselling and have a strong support network to get you through. Hey and when it comes to your degree everyone is rooting for you, I understand how hard it can be but you can do it. And I agree it's definitely good to see a counsellor so that things don't build up and just to talk. And don't feel weak, you're strong. You're strong for overcoming so much and you're strong for asking for help when you need it.Different people tolerate and react differently to situations.
And venting on Tsr is fun. do it more if it helps
And venting on Tsr is fun.
do it more if it helps No problem
Yeah, I'm grateful for that, I just wish my parents (particularly my mum) could be a bigger part of it because I always used to tell them about things that were bothering me, but I just don't feel comfortable telling them about these things because they always want a reason and I can't give one. My counsellor last year suggested having a student support agreement put in place for me in case things get really bad (because it's easier than trying to do it while things are really bad), but I'd need a doctor's note for that and I think I can just about cope with everything without one. I don't need extra time in exams, I'll have to see what happens with regard to deadlines though. A couple of people have said I should have applied for extenuating circumstances for my exams because that was when things were at their worst, but I still managed to pass the year with a 2.1 and I'm really proud of myself for managing that. I think I'll make sure I register for counselling as soon as I can when I'm back at uni so I can stay one step ahead of my illnesses!
Hopefully I'll be able to manage my anxiety and depression a lot better this time round
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by superwolf
Well I got through the exam - don't think I've done brilliantly, but at least I survived! Now rewarding myself with ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE.
Now rewarding myself with ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE.Well done for finishing it ^^ I'm sure you will have done fine, I hope so anyway! Chocolate is an ace reward
Original post by Kindred
Slight eaves dropping but hey ho
You are not an awful person and we're not going to think you are just because of one thing. We all make mistakes in our lives and as (I already forgot their name :/) said, it takes strength to admit those mistakes, especially in a rather public way like this
You are not an awful person and we're not going to think you are just because of one thing. We all make mistakes in our lives and as (I already forgot their name :/) said, it takes strength to admit those mistakes, especially in a rather public way like this
Thanks
Hope you're okay and haven't been feeling too funny today 
Original post by asdfgah
All my hair is in the post. managed all the touching and talking and stuff ok
Had a flashback in therapy which kind of got in the way of talking about anything. Was totally dissociative afterwards but it was ok, didn't interfere with her next appointment cos she just asked me to sit in the waiting room and came out to check I was ok every so often. I'm back with it now so just need to remember to text to let her know I'm home ok.
Posted from TSR Mobile
managed all the touching and talking and stuff okHad a flashback in therapy which kind of got in the way of talking about anything. Was totally dissociative afterwards but it was ok, didn't interfere with her next appointment cos she just asked me to sit in the waiting room and came out to check I was ok every so often. I'm back with it now so just need to remember to text to let her know I'm home ok.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Well done for getting through the hairdressers! Really good that you managed with that.. I would've thought having issues in your therapy session would be better than with a hairdresser. Therapist would be better prepared at least.
Have you text her yet?
Original post by BlueSheep32
No problem Yeah, I'm grateful for that, I just wish my parents (particularly my mum) could be a bigger part of it because I always used to tell them about things that were bothering me, but I just don't feel comfortable telling them about these things because they always want a reason and I can't give one.
My counsellor last year suggested having a student support agreement put in place for me in case things get really bad (because it's easier than trying to do it while things are really bad), but I'd need a doctor's note for that and I think I can just about cope with everything without one. I don't need extra time in exams, I'll have to see what happens with regard to deadlines though. A couple of people have said I should have applied for extenuating circumstances for my exams because that was when things were at their worst, but I still managed to pass the year with a 2.1 and I'm really proud of myself for managing that. I think I'll make sure I register for counselling as soon as I can when I'm back at uni so I can stay one step ahead of my illnesses!
Hopefully I'll be able to manage my anxiety and depression a lot better this time round
Yeah, I'm grateful for that, I just wish my parents (particularly my mum) could be a bigger part of it because I always used to tell them about things that were bothering me, but I just don't feel comfortable telling them about these things because they always want a reason and I can't give one. My counsellor last year suggested having a student support agreement put in place for me in case things get really bad (because it's easier than trying to do it while things are really bad), but I'd need a doctor's note for that and I think I can just about cope with everything without one. I don't need extra time in exams, I'll have to see what happens with regard to deadlines though. A couple of people have said I should have applied for extenuating circumstances for my exams because that was when things were at their worst, but I still managed to pass the year with a 2.1 and I'm really proud of myself for managing that. I think I'll make sure I register for counselling as soon as I can when I'm back at uni so I can stay one step ahead of my illnesses!
Hopefully I'll be able to manage my anxiety and depression a lot better this time round
I get that, it's sad, but eventually I'm sure they'll come around and you'll feel more comfortable talking. Not everything has an explainable reason.
Do you not want to get a doctors note? That agreement sounds to your advantage? What does it involve? I'd say do everything that put you at a level playing field with everyone else, extenuating circumstances may have helped a lot. I mean it could reduce your stress etc? But it's your choice at the end of the day. Congrats on your 2:1 That's really good, you achieved really well!
I hope you'll be able to, I'm sure you'll be able to do it too. Good luck tho !
Is anyone else on Sertraline?
Original post by Anonymous
Is anyone else on Sertraline?
I am on 100mg of sertraline!
xxxxxxxPosted from TSR Mobile
