Realizing that my personality type does not fit into adult life.
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Whilst it may seem like you can't change, I can assure you that everybody has skills that they can work on. I don't know whether or not you have done the Myers Briggs test, but I came out as an INTJ, a personality type which fits a few of the things that you have mentioned. The only remedy is to just go out there and talk to people - start here, online if you must.
Original post by Anonymous
I am intelligent - I come from a working class family and went to a state school but I was an academically gifted child. I graduated from a top UK university with a good degree but that is where things go downhill.
Every single school report I ever had said I needed to 'contribute more to class discussion' and that I was 'a quiet child'. Nothing changed as I entered adulthood. I am still extremely reserved. I am not 'shy' or nervous or scared of people - I just do not enjoy interacting with them. I find it easier to be direct (which comes across as rude or aloof) than to be 'chatty'. I find people to be uninteresting on the whole - predictable in their behavior and usually shallow/fickle and oriented towards talk regarding other people rather than concepts. I find small talk pointless and making friends isn't something I have a strong desire to do. I am reasonably content alone - more so than around others.
Luckily I found a job that requires almost zero interaction with people so I don't have to put myself through the mental effort of daily interaction. However, it is poorly paid and 'dead end'. I need to use my degree and work towards a graduate level career.
My problem is that most careers involve a lot of interaction with people which has caused me to walk away from a lot of things (jobs, relationships, clubs etc).
It's not that I despise humanity, I just prefer not to talk to most people and find 'normal' conversations difficult since they lack in predictability or focus.
I know I will never change - I've been this way before I could even talk. I don't know if there is something 'wrong' with me or how to fix it - or even if I want to be fixed. Regardless - how do I find a career for my personality type and how do I learn to accept people into my life?
Every single school report I ever had said I needed to 'contribute more to class discussion' and that I was 'a quiet child'. Nothing changed as I entered adulthood. I am still extremely reserved. I am not 'shy' or nervous or scared of people - I just do not enjoy interacting with them. I find it easier to be direct (which comes across as rude or aloof) than to be 'chatty'. I find people to be uninteresting on the whole - predictable in their behavior and usually shallow/fickle and oriented towards talk regarding other people rather than concepts. I find small talk pointless and making friends isn't something I have a strong desire to do. I am reasonably content alone - more so than around others.
Luckily I found a job that requires almost zero interaction with people so I don't have to put myself through the mental effort of daily interaction. However, it is poorly paid and 'dead end'. I need to use my degree and work towards a graduate level career.
My problem is that most careers involve a lot of interaction with people which has caused me to walk away from a lot of things (jobs, relationships, clubs etc).
It's not that I despise humanity, I just prefer not to talk to most people and find 'normal' conversations difficult since they lack in predictability or focus.
I know I will never change - I've been this way before I could even talk. I don't know if there is something 'wrong' with me or how to fix it - or even if I want to be fixed. Regardless - how do I find a career for my personality type and how do I learn to accept people into my life?
It has to be noted that in human interaction style over substance initially, which is why it can be very had to get a jist of a person's capabilities via interviews and the like.
Also it can be very easy to manipulate people in the workplace in order to get what you want. But this requires social sophistication that you lack, so yes I would advise you to carry on down a route doing a job with little social interaction, as social interaction is extremely valuable in the modern era and you would struggle to advance in many careers without it.
What were you like in uni? In halls and lectures, did you make friends?
Original post by somethingunique
What were you like in uni? In halls and lectures, did you make friends?
No, not one. I managed to fake it in initially in 1st year to make some 'friends' in halls - but then I drifted apart from them and become a hermit. Barely ever left my room - just spent my time studying either there or in the library, I did voluntary work but it was outdoorsy - no people to speak to much of the time. I sat alone in lectures - there was never a need to talk in lectures. In seminars I would talk/interact but only because there was a topic, I didn't speak to them in the corridor before class. I got a P/T job to try to force myself to interact - it made me dislike the general public (retail environment - horrific - I quit it after 4 months).
By 2nd year I was on anti-depressants and completely isolated. I had a mental breakdown and was admitted to a local mental health unit as an outpatient and I also had some counselling from a local charity. I was the scariest time in my life. 3rd year I moved home with my parents and commuted to uni. Somehow managed to complete my degree even though mentally, in retrospect, I was a complete mess. I was pretty much a ghost at university - I don't think anyone would be able to remember me - they didn't even know my name.
I've always had a tendency to be alone - up to the age of 8 I was sociable but I was moved to a new city where I was bullied and became incredibly insular. My accent was made fun of so my coping mechanism was to be mute. I don't think I was born entirely this way really, I think it's been a series of events mixed with some natural introversion - a bit of a melting pot of anxiety issues..
Original post by Hariex
Whilst it may seem like you can't change, I can assure you that everybody has skills that they can work on. I don't know whether or not you have done the Myers Briggs test, but I came out as an INTJ, a personality type which fits a few of the things that you have mentioned. The only remedy is to just go out there and talk to people - start here, online if you must.
Thanks.
Yes, I have done the Myers-Briggs test - it's something that fascinates me.
My result was INFP. It fits quite accurately to my personality.
That was very interesting to read. My personality is very similar to what you have described, but there are significant differences. You need to put aside your personality problems and find a job that's worthy of your achievements, that's clearly the bottom line here. Even if you hate it, it's something you must do. With time, you'll come to hate it less and less. But please don't ruin your chances at a decent career just because you refuse to be flexible.
You say you're not shy around people, and that people don't make you nervous. Are you able to have decent interactions with people on a purely academic/professional/practical level (i.e. completely non-social)? This is really important. You need to be able to communicate effectively, smoothly and politely with people in a work environment. Are you able to do this?
You say you're not shy around people, and that people don't make you nervous. Are you able to have decent interactions with people on a purely academic/professional/practical level (i.e. completely non-social)? This is really important. You need to be able to communicate effectively, smoothly and politely with people in a work environment. Are you able to do this?
Have you tried to ever socialise and make meaningful relationships. Did you join societies in relation to music or creative writing. How do you feel about making friends/talking to people who share common interests? Do you have a desire to ''fit in'' and make friends and be ''normal'' or do you simply want a suitable job which will allow you remain set in your ways??
Original post by yo radical one
Hard snowflaking here
Unless you are literally on the autism spectrum, man up and deal with it
Unless you are literally on the autism spectrum, man up and deal with it
If there was a way to ban trolls before they rose up, i would be more than greatful
OP, you need a whole life change, see a psychiatrist
Original post by Stinkum
That was very interesting to read. My personality is very similar to what you have described, but there are significant differences. You need to put aside your personality problems and find a job that's worthy of your achievements, that's clearly the bottom line here. Even if you hate it, it's something you must do. With time, you'll come to hate it less and less. But please don't ruin your chances at a decent career just because you refuse to be flexible.
You say you're not shy around people, and that people don't make you nervous. Are you able to have decent interactions with people on a purely academic/professional/practical level (i.e. completely non-social)? This is really important. You need to be able to communicate effectively, smoothly and politely with people in a work environment. Are you able to do this?
You say you're not shy around people, and that people don't make you nervous. Are you able to have decent interactions with people on a purely academic/professional/practical level (i.e. completely non-social)? This is really important. You need to be able to communicate effectively, smoothly and politely with people in a work environment. Are you able to do this?
Thank you - this is what is causing me distress to be honest with you - feeling that my potential is going to waste. I know what I could be capable of if only I could overcome this mental block. You seem to be the only person who has recognized this. I would prefer to challenge myself and pursue something that utilizes my mind rather than settle for the work I currently do.
I did a stint of teaching in my 1st year and found it hugely rewarding - my ambition was to teach but then my mental health took a nose dive after years of ignoring my problems and I didn't even entertain the idea of such a career upon graduation because I wasn't mentally well.
Yes, I can have perfectly 'normal' and confident interactions with anyone and everyone. I've worked in offices and held respectable positions (and subsequently thrown it all away due to my personality). I've worked in hospitals as admin, worked in shops as a customer care assistant and I've worked in law. In my working life I don't think anyone would suspect or have reason to assume that I'd ever had mental health issues or that I have any kind of social anxiety (I think there could be an element of that). Most would probably describe me as 'quiet, conscientious, professional, personable'.
I've never had a bad reference. I don't appear odd/awkward/silent - I just appear not to be the chatty type. I learnt how to engage with people by watching them - so even though it doesn't come naturally to me, I can talk and blend in. But it feels like I'm not being myself - it feels like a performance. That's why it's exhausting and takes it toll, because I'm constantly working to appear 'normal' (whatever that is) because in reality I could go for weeks without needing to talk to anyone.
All of my issues stay inside my head and have only ever once become apparent to a workplace - and that was just before I quit and they needed a doctors note during my time off sick which revealed stress/anxiety/depression.
So yes, I am, on the face of it, a functioning member of society. But inside my head there's all sorts going on and interacting with others drains me incredibly. I can fake it like the best of them - but at a price to my mental health. The reason I'm doing the work I am currently doing is because I reached a point at that time in my life where faking it was literally driving me mad. I would get home and just break down in tears and sob like a child - I realized that was too much of a price to pay. Maybe I just needed a coping strategy or an outlet. It's something I definitely need to work on if I want a career.
I'm just petrified of getting into a job that I know I'm good enough to do and intellectually suited to and could excel in - and then my brain just going to pieces when I clock off each night and the feeling dread each morning just because I have to speak to people throughout the day.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you - this is what is causing me distress to be honest with you - feeling that my potential is going to waste. I know what I could be capable of if only I could overcome this mental block. You seem to be the only person who has recognized this. I would prefer to challenge myself and pursue something that utilizes my mind rather than settle for the work I currently do.
I did a stint of teaching in my 1st year and found it hugely rewarding - my ambition was to teach but then my mental health took a nose dive after years of ignoring my problems and I didn't even entertain the idea of such a career upon graduation because I wasn't mentally well.
Yes, I can have perfectly 'normal' and confident interactions with anyone and everyone. I've worked in offices and held respectable positions (and subsequently thrown it all away due to my personality). I've worked in hospitals as admin, worked in shops as a customer care assistant and I've worked in law. In my working life I don't think anyone would suspect or have reason to assume that I'd ever had mental health issues or that I have any kind of social anxiety (I think there could be an element of that). Most would probably describe me as 'quiet, conscientious, professional, personable'.
I've never had a bad reference. I don't appear odd/awkward/silent - I just appear not to be the chatty type. I learnt how to engage with people by watching them - so even though it doesn't come naturally to me, I can talk and blend in. But it feels like I'm not being myself - it feels like a performance. That's why it's exhausting and takes it toll, because I'm constantly working to appear 'normal' (whatever that is) because in reality I could go for weeks without needing to talk to anyone.
All of my issues stay inside my head and have only ever once become apparent to a workplace - and that was just before I quit and they needed a doctors note during my time off sick which revealed stress/anxiety/depression.
So yes, I am, on the face of it, a functioning member of society. But inside my head there's all sorts going on and interacting with others drains me incredibly. I can fake it like the best of them - but at a price to my mental health. The reason I'm doing the work I am currently doing is because I reached a point at that time in my life where faking it was literally driving me mad. I would get home and just break down in tears and sob like a child - I realized that was too much of a price to pay. Maybe I just needed a coping strategy or an outlet. It's something I definitely need to work on if I want a career.
I'm just petrified of getting into a job that I know I'm good enough to do and intellectually suited to and could excel in - and then my brain just going to pieces when I clock off each night and the feeling dread each morning just because I have to speak to people throughout the day.
I did a stint of teaching in my 1st year and found it hugely rewarding - my ambition was to teach but then my mental health took a nose dive after years of ignoring my problems and I didn't even entertain the idea of such a career upon graduation because I wasn't mentally well.
Yes, I can have perfectly 'normal' and confident interactions with anyone and everyone. I've worked in offices and held respectable positions (and subsequently thrown it all away due to my personality). I've worked in hospitals as admin, worked in shops as a customer care assistant and I've worked in law. In my working life I don't think anyone would suspect or have reason to assume that I'd ever had mental health issues or that I have any kind of social anxiety (I think there could be an element of that). Most would probably describe me as 'quiet, conscientious, professional, personable'.
I've never had a bad reference. I don't appear odd/awkward/silent - I just appear not to be the chatty type. I learnt how to engage with people by watching them - so even though it doesn't come naturally to me, I can talk and blend in. But it feels like I'm not being myself - it feels like a performance. That's why it's exhausting and takes it toll, because I'm constantly working to appear 'normal' (whatever that is) because in reality I could go for weeks without needing to talk to anyone.
All of my issues stay inside my head and have only ever once become apparent to a workplace - and that was just before I quit and they needed a doctors note during my time off sick which revealed stress/anxiety/depression.
So yes, I am, on the face of it, a functioning member of society. But inside my head there's all sorts going on and interacting with others drains me incredibly. I can fake it like the best of them - but at a price to my mental health. The reason I'm doing the work I am currently doing is because I reached a point at that time in my life where faking it was literally driving me mad. I would get home and just break down in tears and sob like a child - I realized that was too much of a price to pay. Maybe I just needed a coping strategy or an outlet. It's something I definitely need to work on if I want a career.
I'm just petrified of getting into a job that I know I'm good enough to do and intellectually suited to and could excel in - and then my brain just going to pieces when I clock off each night and the feeling dread each morning just because I have to speak to people throughout the day.
That's very interesting. I will take some time later to re-read the thread and write a full, proper response. But for now, I'll just say not to stress too much over this. And I promise, I will be back later with a full response. I found your opening post very interesting and thought-provoking indeed, as I said before, I have a very similar sort of personality (but a very different set of circumstances and experiences). I think you have the potential to ensure that things turn out well for you. It will take some time and a lot of adjustment.
But I just want to ask quickly (and you don't have to answer if it's too personal) - do you have friends? What's your relationship like with your family? Do you have a generally positive outlook on life, or are you prone to feeling sad/miserable/dejected? Are you an ambitious person? Are you driven by motivation? I think this is relevant to your situation.
Original post by somethingunique
Have you tried to ever socialise and make meaningful relationships. Did you join societies in relation to music or creative writing. How do you feel about making friends/talking to people who share common interests? Do you have a desire to ''fit in'' and make friends and be ''normal'' or do you simply want a suitable job which will allow you remain set in your ways??
Yes, I have tried - usually I can't find people who I can really connect with though. I joined a few socs at uni but never attended regularly and eventually stopped going because I found it too much to deal with because it was all about interaction.
I have 'friends' but maybe they're not conventional friends - we don't meet every weekend, I don't have a circle of friends that all know each other who I could text for a night out. The people I consider my friends all come from different areas of my life and haven't met one another. I have an old friend from secondary school (we were best friends - one of the few friends I had in school) - we meet up occasionally if we're both in the same city and we send the occasional Facebook message.
I have a friend from college, we have a coffee every few months. I have a friend from an old job who I shared a lot of interest with - they moved countries so we only e-mail and it's once in a blue moon. I have acquaintances that I see at work and ask about their weekend/family etc. I have neighbors that I'll briefly chat to. I have acquaintances from voluntary work that I do - we don't socialize outside of it but we get along.
I have 'facebook friends' - never see them but they are part of the scenery of my life.
In terms of relationships - I've had 3, all short lived. One I broke up with, one broke up with me and one....I don't even know what we were - friends who did extra friendly things and gradually stopped talking.
So yeah, I'm not completely inept - just not quite how I feel I should be. Room for improvement for sure.
No I wouldn't say I have a desire to 'fit in' - just to maybe be accepted for who a really am (reserved, not particularly sociable) and to function in a role that is intellectually stimulating among a variety of people. I'd like a close set of friends, a job I enjoy, a meaningful relationship - in the past I've just avoided all of that as a self-defense mechanism.
Original post by Stinkum
That's very interesting. I will take some time later to re-read the thread and write a full, proper response. But for now, I'll just say not to stress too much over this. And I promise, I will be back later with a full response. I found your opening post very interesting and thought-provoking indeed, as I said before, I have a very similar sort of personality (but a very different set of circumstances and experiences). I think you have the potential to ensure that things turn out well for you. It will take some time and a lot of adjustment.
But I just want to ask quickly (and you don't have to answer if it's too personal) - do you have friends? What's your relationship like with your family? Do you have a generally positive outlook on life, or are you prone to feeling sad/miserable/dejected? Are you an ambitious person? Are you driven by motivation? I think this is relevant to your situation.
But I just want to ask quickly (and you don't have to answer if it's too personal) - do you have friends? What's your relationship like with your family? Do you have a generally positive outlook on life, or are you prone to feeling sad/miserable/dejected? Are you an ambitious person? Are you driven by motivation? I think this is relevant to your situation.
Thank you, I genuinely appreciate it.
I just saw your question after responding to another user but here was my response in relation to friends:
Spoiler
In terms of the relationship with my family - it's civil/amicable/fragile/unconventional. My parents divorced in my teens and that created a lot of issues. Maybe the correct way to describe my family relationship is dysfunctional but something I've adapted to and something I'm still learning to accept. I see one of my parents very little (once/twice a year) and have a distant but civil relationship with them. The other I see often and we are fine I guess.
My outlook on life - I have hope, I have belief that things can improve.Importantly - I want them to - so that's half of the battle. I've always tried to be an optimist, but like anyone I have down days. I find myself to be contemplative and that sometimes drifts into sadness but I'm not currently suffering from depression or taking any medication. I am generally quite chipper so long as I am busy. It's when I have spare time that I find my mind wandering to lonely places.
Yes, I'm extremely ambitious - ridiculously ambitious. I feel like a complete underachiever at this point in my life. 6 years ago I was sat in an interview for medical school (never got in so withdrew my 3 other choices). 7 years ago I had a place on an LLB (which I gave up to pursue med). I was such an ambitious teenager but didn't know which route to take. Both opportunities I threw away. I'm glad I did the degree that I eventually chose but I'm not glad that I'm doing nothing with it now. My friends/acquaintances/people I have on facebook that I barely speak to anymore are doctors, teachers, paralegals/solicitors or doing PhDs - I've just done nothing but dead end jobs and seemingly wasted my talent due to my inability to get to grips with human interaction.
Original post by Anonymous
I am intelligent - I come from a working class family and went to a state school but I was an academically gifted child. I graduated from a top UK university with a good degree but that is where things go downhill.
Every single school report I ever had said I needed to 'contribute more to class discussion' and that I was 'a quiet child'. Nothing changed as I entered adulthood. I am still extremely reserved. I am not 'shy' or nervous or scared of people - I just do not enjoy interacting with them. I find it easier to be direct (which comes across as rude or aloof) than to be 'chatty'. I find people to be uninteresting on the whole - predictable in their behavior and usually shallow/fickle and oriented towards talk regarding other people rather than concepts. I find small talk pointless and making friends isn't something I have a strong desire to do. I am reasonably content alone - more so than around others.
Luckily I found a job that requires almost zero interaction with people so I don't have to put myself through the mental effort of daily interaction. However, it is poorly paid and 'dead end'. I need to use my degree and work towards a graduate level career.
My problem is that most careers involve a lot of interaction with people which has caused me to walk away from a lot of things (jobs, relationships, clubs etc).
It's not that I despise humanity, I just prefer not to talk to most people and find 'normal' conversations difficult since they lack in predictability or focus.
I know I will never change - I've been this way before I could even talk. I don't know if there is something 'wrong' with me or how to fix it - or even if I want to be fixed. Regardless - how do I find a career for my personality type and how do I learn to accept people into my life?
Every single school report I ever had said I needed to 'contribute more to class discussion' and that I was 'a quiet child'. Nothing changed as I entered adulthood. I am still extremely reserved. I am not 'shy' or nervous or scared of people - I just do not enjoy interacting with them. I find it easier to be direct (which comes across as rude or aloof) than to be 'chatty'. I find people to be uninteresting on the whole - predictable in their behavior and usually shallow/fickle and oriented towards talk regarding other people rather than concepts. I find small talk pointless and making friends isn't something I have a strong desire to do. I am reasonably content alone - more so than around others.
Luckily I found a job that requires almost zero interaction with people so I don't have to put myself through the mental effort of daily interaction. However, it is poorly paid and 'dead end'. I need to use my degree and work towards a graduate level career.
My problem is that most careers involve a lot of interaction with people which has caused me to walk away from a lot of things (jobs, relationships, clubs etc).
It's not that I despise humanity, I just prefer not to talk to most people and find 'normal' conversations difficult since they lack in predictability or focus.
I know I will never change - I've been this way before I could even talk. I don't know if there is something 'wrong' with me or how to fix it - or even if I want to be fixed. Regardless - how do I find a career for my personality type and how do I learn to accept people into my life?
Are you a robot?
Original post by Anonymous
Yes, I have tried - usually I can't find people who I can really connect with though. I joined a few socs at uni but never attended regularly and eventually stopped going because I found it too much to deal with because it was all about interaction.
I have 'friends' but maybe they're not conventional friends - we don't meet every weekend, I don't have a circle of friends that all know each other who I could text for a night out. The people I consider my friends all come from different areas of my life and haven't met one another. I have an old friend from secondary school (we were best friends - one of the few friends I had in school) - we meet up occasionally if we're both in the same city and we send the occasional Facebook message.
I have a friend from college, we have a coffee every few months. I have a friend from an old job who I shared a lot of interest with - they moved countries so we only e-mail and it's once in a blue moon. I have acquaintances that I see at work and ask about their weekend/family etc. I have neighbors that I'll briefly chat to. I have acquaintances from voluntary work that I do - we don't socialize outside of it but we get along.
I have 'facebook friends' - never see them but they are part of the scenery of my life.
In terms of relationships - I've had 3, all short lived. One I broke up with, one broke up with me and one....I don't even know what we were - friends who did extra friendly things and gradually stopped talking.
So yeah, I'm not completely inept - just not quite how I feel I should be. Room for improvement for sure.
No I wouldn't say I have a desire to 'fit in' - just to maybe be accepted for who a really am (reserved, not particularly sociable) and to function in a role that is intellectually stimulating among a variety of people. I'd like a close set of friends, a job I enjoy, a meaningful relationship - in the past I've just avoided all of that as a self-defense mechanism.
I have 'friends' but maybe they're not conventional friends - we don't meet every weekend, I don't have a circle of friends that all know each other who I could text for a night out. The people I consider my friends all come from different areas of my life and haven't met one another. I have an old friend from secondary school (we were best friends - one of the few friends I had in school) - we meet up occasionally if we're both in the same city and we send the occasional Facebook message.
I have a friend from college, we have a coffee every few months. I have a friend from an old job who I shared a lot of interest with - they moved countries so we only e-mail and it's once in a blue moon. I have acquaintances that I see at work and ask about their weekend/family etc. I have neighbors that I'll briefly chat to. I have acquaintances from voluntary work that I do - we don't socialize outside of it but we get along.
I have 'facebook friends' - never see them but they are part of the scenery of my life.
In terms of relationships - I've had 3, all short lived. One I broke up with, one broke up with me and one....I don't even know what we were - friends who did extra friendly things and gradually stopped talking.
So yeah, I'm not completely inept - just not quite how I feel I should be. Room for improvement for sure.
No I wouldn't say I have a desire to 'fit in' - just to maybe be accepted for who a really am (reserved, not particularly sociable) and to function in a role that is intellectually stimulating among a variety of people. I'd like a close set of friends, a job I enjoy, a meaningful relationship - in the past I've just avoided all of that as a self-defense mechanism.
Interesting. So in order to gain ''a close set of friends'', what are you actively doing? Have you tried meeting up more and more? Is there absolutely no body at work you feel like you can connect with? Have you considered pursuing your hobbies along with other people so you can meet some with similar interests? I know you said you joined uni socs but maybe you can try something like that again. Also, maybe you shouldn't avoid small talk so much. I know you hate it and many people I know despise it too but for all you know that small talk might lead to as you describe a 'meaningful relationship'
Original post by rickfloss
If there was a way to ban trolls before they rose up, i would be more than greatful
OP, you need a whole life change, see a psychiatrist
OP, you need a whole life change, see a psychiatrist
I am not a troll
this is my favourite AMA
The world is littered with people who are smart or well-educated, but who have for whatever reason not made any other impact. I know many well-qualified people who are long term unemployed or working in minimum wage jobs.
Many of them cite the same reasons as OP. That they don't feel they fit in, or that they don't like dealing with people - or that they find other people irritating or boring.
I'm afraid that many people look at things from the point of view that social interaction is part of the human condition and that for the majority of occupations, interpersonal skills are as important attributes as any other.
Not to be unsympathetic, but my point of view is similar - it's one thing to believe in your potential and your ability and believe that it is great, but wasted - however there has to be a recognition that it is not quite as potent as all that if it is inhibited by some part of your psyche.
If you can find some way to fulfil a highly "skilled" occupation and get past your emotional/psychological issues, then that's clearly the best outcome so long as you are happy.
Otherwise, and I say this in the kindest possible way - you just need to get over yourself and be content working in the most well-paid job you can find that gives you peace from other people, even if it is driving or cutting the grass in a cemetary. So much better than (like some people I know) carrying a chip on the shoulder about their assumed qualities and qualifications for their whole life and living hand to mouth .
Many of them cite the same reasons as OP. That they don't feel they fit in, or that they don't like dealing with people - or that they find other people irritating or boring.
I'm afraid that many people look at things from the point of view that social interaction is part of the human condition and that for the majority of occupations, interpersonal skills are as important attributes as any other.
Not to be unsympathetic, but my point of view is similar - it's one thing to believe in your potential and your ability and believe that it is great, but wasted - however there has to be a recognition that it is not quite as potent as all that if it is inhibited by some part of your psyche.
If you can find some way to fulfil a highly "skilled" occupation and get past your emotional/psychological issues, then that's clearly the best outcome so long as you are happy.
Otherwise, and I say this in the kindest possible way - you just need to get over yourself and be content working in the most well-paid job you can find that gives you peace from other people, even if it is driving or cutting the grass in a cemetary. So much better than (like some people I know) carrying a chip on the shoulder about their assumed qualities and qualifications for their whole life and living hand to mouth .
Original post by Clip
The world is littered with people who are smart or well-educated, but who have for whatever reason not made any other impact. I know many well-qualified people who are long term unemployed or working in minimum wage jobs.
Many of them cite the same reasons as OP. That they don't feel they fit in, or that they don't like dealing with people - or that they find other people irritating or boring.
I'm afraid that many people look at things from the point of view that social interaction is part of the human condition and that for the majority of occupations, interpersonal skills are as important attributes as any other.
Not to be unsympathetic, but my point of view is similar - it's one thing to believe in your potential and your ability and believe that it is great, but wasted - however there has to be a recognition that it is not quite as potent as all that if it is inhibited by some part of your psyche.
If you can find some way to fulfil a highly "skilled" occupation and get past your emotional/psychological issues, then that's clearly the best outcome so long as you are happy.
Otherwise, and I say this in the kindest possible way - you just need to get over yourself and be content working in the most well-paid job you can find that gives you peace from other people, even if it is driving or cutting the grass in a cemetary. So much better than (like some people I know) carrying a chip on the shoulder about their assumed qualities and qualifications for their whole life and living hand to mouth .
Many of them cite the same reasons as OP. That they don't feel they fit in, or that they don't like dealing with people - or that they find other people irritating or boring.
I'm afraid that many people look at things from the point of view that social interaction is part of the human condition and that for the majority of occupations, interpersonal skills are as important attributes as any other.
Not to be unsympathetic, but my point of view is similar - it's one thing to believe in your potential and your ability and believe that it is great, but wasted - however there has to be a recognition that it is not quite as potent as all that if it is inhibited by some part of your psyche.
If you can find some way to fulfil a highly "skilled" occupation and get past your emotional/psychological issues, then that's clearly the best outcome so long as you are happy.
Otherwise, and I say this in the kindest possible way - you just need to get over yourself and be content working in the most well-paid job you can find that gives you peace from other people, even if it is driving or cutting the grass in a cemetary. So much better than (like some people I know) carrying a chip on the shoulder about their assumed qualities and qualifications for their whole life and living hand to mouth .
I take no offence, I see your view very clearly and it's something I've thought long and hard about.
I know people who have a similar personality to mine and they are unemployed - 'waiting' for a job to come along that will recognize their talent in the arts. But the world doesn't work that way. It's a shame - a lot of these people seem to turn to alcohol/drugs. I never understood how well educated bright people ended up going down that road - now I do. So at least I'm employed and not knocking back vodka by the gallon, I know I could be worse off if I'd let myself.
I'm just at a crossroads now - stick with solitary menial work and enjoy some sanity or force myself to engage more fully with other people and attempt to pursue a more intellectual career at the risk of going insane. Maybe there's some joy in losing one's mind...
Original post by Anonymous
I am intelligent - I come from a working class family and went to a state school but I was an academically gifted child. I graduated from a top UK university with a good degree but that is where things go downhill.
Every single school report I ever had said I needed to 'contribute more to class discussion' and that I was 'a quiet child'. Nothing changed as I entered adulthood. I am still extremely reserved. I am not 'shy' or nervous or scared of people - I just do not enjoy interacting with them. I find it easier to be direct (which comes across as rude or aloof) than to be 'chatty'. I find people to be uninteresting on the whole - predictable in their behavior and usually shallow/fickle and oriented towards talk regarding other people rather than concepts. I find small talk pointless and making friends isn't something I have a strong desire to do. I am reasonably content alone - more so than around others.
Luckily I found a job that requires almost zero interaction with people so I don't have to put myself through the mental effort of daily interaction. However, it is poorly paid and 'dead end'. I need to use my degree and work towards a graduate level career.
My problem is that most careers involve a lot of interaction with people which has caused me to walk away from a lot of things (jobs, relationships, clubs etc).
It's not that I despise humanity, I just prefer not to talk to most people and find 'normal' conversations difficult since they lack in predictability or focus.
I know I will never change - I've been this way before I could even talk. I don't know if there is something 'wrong' with me or how to fix it - or even if I want to be fixed. Regardless - how do I find a career for my personality type and how do I learn to accept people into my life?
Every single school report I ever had said I needed to 'contribute more to class discussion' and that I was 'a quiet child'. Nothing changed as I entered adulthood. I am still extremely reserved. I am not 'shy' or nervous or scared of people - I just do not enjoy interacting with them. I find it easier to be direct (which comes across as rude or aloof) than to be 'chatty'. I find people to be uninteresting on the whole - predictable in their behavior and usually shallow/fickle and oriented towards talk regarding other people rather than concepts. I find small talk pointless and making friends isn't something I have a strong desire to do. I am reasonably content alone - more so than around others.
Luckily I found a job that requires almost zero interaction with people so I don't have to put myself through the mental effort of daily interaction. However, it is poorly paid and 'dead end'. I need to use my degree and work towards a graduate level career.
My problem is that most careers involve a lot of interaction with people which has caused me to walk away from a lot of things (jobs, relationships, clubs etc).
It's not that I despise humanity, I just prefer not to talk to most people and find 'normal' conversations difficult since they lack in predictability or focus.
I know I will never change - I've been this way before I could even talk. I don't know if there is something 'wrong' with me or how to fix it - or even if I want to be fixed. Regardless - how do I find a career for my personality type and how do I learn to accept people into my life?
Here are my thoughts:
- There's nothing wrong with being direct with people. As long as you are polite and treat people with respect, you won't offend or upset anyone.
- Avoiding interacting with people is not a good thing. For quite a long time, I avoided people as much as I could but it had a negative impact on my social skills on the long term. I'm not as articulate as I used to be, and my communication isn't always very clear or concise. Don't be afraid to get stuck in and talk to people when it's necessary to do so (i.e. if it's academically related or work related etc).
- You say you want to learn to accept people into my life, but I think it's going to be very tough for you to do that. However, instead of actively avoiding people, don't be afraid to have brief conversations every now and then. Even if it's just a smile, or a 'good morning', anything really.
At the risk of repeating myself and sounding like a broken record, I think you just have to move past your feelings towards other people and make sure you make progress in your life and in your career. Strive for the best job.
Like I said, I'm very similar to what you've described in a lot of ways. But my work forces me to deal directly with lots of people day to day, and I'm pretty decent at it. Even though I have no friends at all, I don't have any problems with approaching people and interacting with them for purely academic and professional purposes. So, you don't have to dramatically modify your personality or your behaviour, you just have to make a slight change. I don't know if that makes sense, sorry...
Original post by yo radical one
I am not a troll
telling someone who clearly has mental health issues to man up?
what next, telling someone who has aids to get over it?( afterall drugs are available)
