Sky's Mindfulness Journal (Mk.II)

Writing in haste, but glad your counsellor is helping. Good luck with UCAS!

Good to hear of what you've been getting up to

I think the whole uni rankings thing is totally overblown in this country and on this website especially. Generally speaking, providing you don't want to be a barrister or an investment banker, the uni you go to doesn't matter too much for most career paths. This includes going onto a PhD etc. What matters more is the degree classification and the rest of your CV

How've things been going for you?

I definitely thought it might just be a TSR thing. There are a LOT of talented people (I mean look at you for one, got into Oxford and does a PhD) but it does adopt an elitism from time to time. I've heard that science increasingly requires a higher university, I think that's why it mattered to me more. Of course a 1st from Bangor is better than a 2:2 from Surrey I have to assume.

Still thank you - appreciate the clarity, it's hard to find sometimes

Take it from someone with a 2.2 from Oxford - a 2.2 does you no favours, no matter how "prestigious" the uni is So a 1st from Bangor would def trump a 2.2 from Surrey

Things are mostly alright, I guess. I'm very tired and lacking energy but otherwise not too bad thanks. Bit mopey but otherwise fine

Did it not help you onto a PhD though? I'm sort of surprised having an Oxford alumnus status doesn't help, but then that could again be just lies i've heard on here and in popular rhetoric

Think that's common for the season, on top of the hard work you're doing! Am always here if you need, am glad you're doing okay though

What got me onto my PhD course was that I had a very strong reference from a Big Name in my field. That counted for a lot. Big Name was at Oxford when I was but is now at KCL and had previously been at Queen's University, Belfast for a while. There are Big Names dotted all over the UK tbh! They're not exclusive to Oxbridge or even the Russell Group (despite what people here may tell you)

And thanks

Rankings aren't everything TLG put it better than I can (as per ) but it's all stuff to consider together. I could have got in somewhere I fair bit better with my grades, especially as I was technically applying as a mature student, but Keele works for me and I have more chance of succeeding here than anywhere. Maybe I'll go somewhere else for postgrad, if I get as far as a PhD I almost certainly will, but for now this is great. See what offers you get and go from there anyway. You don't ultimately have to decide until fairly late on and you have plenty of time between now and then

Glad you're feeling a bit more comfortable about uni stuff, too! I think you'd make a great teacher for the record, and science ones are always in demand wherever you go. A route worth considering!

Huge hugs

(Massively hypocritical paragraph coming up here...)

I've only ever loved/been in love with one person and that was a pretty horrendous experience... Despite it being horrific though, I do think that being able to love another and to allow ourselves to be loved, is (when it goes well, however fleetingly that might be) one of the most valuable human experiences we can be partial to. It's something that makes us truly alive and makes life worth living. I don't believe we have much control over falling for people but even if we did, I think many of us would 'opt in' for the whole "falling in love" thing because when it works out, it's glorious. And even if it doesn't work out, it's a risk many of us might deem worth taking.

I do hear where you're coming from though

As for the whole "uni is the best days of your life" thing... it's very overhyped and sadly people don't realise how hard it can be, or that it takes time to stumble upon and build up the friendships that are worth keeping

I wouldn't say it's hypocritical, honestly. It sounds wise to me

I do see what you're saying, I just...eh, I don't know. I sort of feel like if you do get into a relationship of some kind, you're always living knowing one day everything can change, such that if you hadn't tried to get the fleeting happiness, you wouldn't know what you'd actually lost yknow? Guess I'm not really the best person to ask. I just sort of beat myself up for ever having tried to get it ahah

Is that something you noticed when you first went? I think people say that because, for a lot of people it's liberating. Because let's be honest, some of them can essentially be unemployed alcoholics whose parents are still proud of them

I honestly wasn't expecting a response or anything, but am always grateful for the time you put into responding so thank you so much

It is pretty hypocritical coz I've sworn off from love, trusting people, and relationships in general

It is true that you can't miss what you've never known and that in that sense, there's something to be said for not getting involved with others. But I do think the capacity to love and be loved is important in our experiences as humans. And that we can gain something even from those relationships that don't go smoothly/to plan.

I was lucky in that when I went to uni, I wasn't on any of these kinda student forums where everything hyped up so much. And social media was much more basic/less used in those days! (I started uni in 2007 ) So whilst I definitely found uni liberating (in the sense of living away from my parents for the first time!), there wasn't all this pressure and hype to live up to. I was also very lucky that most of my flatmates were nice and there was a real sense of camaraderie among us. Oxford's tutorial system meant that I became quite close to my tutorial partners fairly swiftly (there were only three of us in my college in my year in my subject!) but making other friendships took a LOT longer I only began making proper friendships in my second year, I'd say, in all honesty

I mean...okay I see your point, but I know you have reasons for that so it's not really

Hm...yeah, I think I get it. It's a life experience after all, even the WHO classes being single as a disability so
If it's something that you should be open to though, what do you do when you aren't? I mean, don't feel anything like that? What sorta happened was at some point I just went "nope no love, it just makes me weak and insecure", and then forgot how to feel the thing

I think for OXFORD of all places you probably had plenty of other pressures to deal with, no? But no I see your point, social media has definitely had its negatives when it comes to "herd mentality" I think it's called? I mean, by a good chunk of this website users' standards, my current university and my 5 choices are all 'not good enough' (except possibly Edinburgh). If it's good enough for you, I think that must be all that matters?

The flatmates and classmates being nice I think is definitely an important facet of university I've not had luck with so far; again it is sort of a case of "you can never tell til you get there", though! I have to admit though, hearing this:

" only began making proper friendships in my second year, I'd say, in all honesty "

is actually really reassuring. Again probably thanks to social media, I was under the impression if you don't make friends during Freshers or at the least Year 1, you'll be a loner. Glad to hear friendships do develop later on in a course!

The question of what you do when you aren't open to it is a tricky one. I guess at that point, you have to weigh up the pros and cons of feeling things again and decide if it's something you want/that would benefit you. And if it is, then you try and work on that with a therapist maybe? At least, that's what's got me starting to feel things again...

Yeah Oxford was massively stressful for various reasons. Would I class it as the best days of my life? I don't know tbh. Part of me would, and then part of me is like HELL TO THE NO I don't regret going but it was very tough in a number of ways that it should never have been

TSR has a very unhealthy attitude towards university and course selections, in all honesty. The people on here lack perspective/actual knowledge of how things work in the real world, and are a bit nuts tbh Like you say, so long as you are happy with your choices and you have done your research and are making informed decisions that you can justify to yourself (not to others, who gives a **** what others think tbh), then that's what counts

Yeah I mean, I had friends in first year but those friendships aren't the ones that are standing the test of time! So be patient and give things time. There's plenty of time to make friends. In fact, some friendships I made with uni friends only happened after we both left the uni So all sorts can happen

If it worked for you, definitely seems like something worth considering. Hopefully can get on that with my psychologist soon ;-;

Can only sympathise there, but you seem happier at your current uni at the least Once you have a PhD you have more freedom to leave and head somewhere else as well if you found you needed to I think, right? ^^

It is a bit worrying, particularly because of how widespread it is. For example all this stuff about how you "have to get into an RG or it's a waste of £30000" TSR itself was promoting the other day; I'd be surprised if the RG even lasted another 10 years! Am certainly looking to be happy rather than become an education-robot in a place I don't much like

Haha, I wouldn't have imagined that happened! Your own experiences are just a load of surprises to me, seems there's plenty more to give time once I'm out of here

Yeah am much happier at my current uni. I'm not planning to go into academia afterwards, but people do move around all over the shop in order to get onto a postdoc! So yeah, moving around is fine.

Yeah def don't become an education-robot