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snow_white
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#1
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#1
sorry to get all personal but i have nothing else to ask or discuss and this is the main thing on my mind. well as many know cause i generally have to mention him somewhere i was with a guy named simon, planned to marry, much in love enuff to burst and we had been for nearly 9 months. so why is it that 5 days into him being at university did he take it upon himself to cheat on me then ring me the next day and tell me then brake up with me? apparently he felt so guilty that he wouldn't be able to live with it and that he wouldn't be able to look at the same way again, i told him i was willing to work past it but no. i mean if you love someone don't you think you would be able to say no to this, wheres the selfcontrol? **** the i was drunk excuse, u can't get up generally if your drunk, he knew what he was dong, he could have said no, shows how much he loved me. my question to the wise forum is would you take the self confessed (whilst crying to me on the phone) lower than dirt exboyfreind back when he comes crawling back as he said he will in later time? keep in mind that this is the second time he's been your exboyfriend the first being years ago and again he dumped you. who would take the guy back if he said he still loved you? could you trust him?
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Intermittent
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#2
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#2
I say he's sketchy at best. Two times screwing up and not valuing the relationship? If you think this will change I think it won't. He cheated on you despite a great relationship even now when you're young and most attractive. How do you think you'll compare to that young and perky office secretary or hairstylist when you're old and sagy in your forties? Find someone with real character, or at least someone with the discipline to avoid or remove themselves from situations where they know they will be tempted.
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Sire
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#3
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I think you know my answer to this one, but I'm the kind of person who is always willing to give a second chance. And if you take into account my knowledge of how you came to be with him the second time round, he has yet to be given that true second chance. But as I was saying about priorities down at the river, you can be as drunk or depressed as you like and if you have your priorities straight, the vision shan't become blurred. I would strongly advise that you give yourself 2 months without talking to him, but let him know that you plan to remain unattached for those two months. If you still feel you need to be with him after that time, and he has had no further distractions from what he claims to be his true love, then he obviously means it and is just a weak willed little boy. But he would still be the little boy who loved you enough to wait. On the other hand... McGregor is an aspiring young fulla who has more than just casual feelings for you, in my humble opinion, and you just can't go wrong by that one, even if he is a tad younger. Anyway, if you get back in time to see this, give me a call, looks like I'm going to be single again. I just really want someone to recount what I saw in her to begin with.
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Sire
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#4
Report 16 years ago
#4
(Original post by Intermittent)
I say he's sketchy at best. Two times screwing up and not valuing the relationship? If you think this will change I think it won't. He cheated on you despite a great relationship even now when you're young and most attractive. How do you think you'll compare to that young and perky office secretary or hairstylist when you're old and sagy in your forties? Find someone with real character, or at least someone with the discipline to avoid or remove themselves from situations where they know they will be tempted.
Couldn't agree more. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I think we all get a touch paranoid that our significant others may yield to temptation from time to time, but refuse to do it out of both love and the fear of how it would feel to be cheated on.
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love_4_ducks
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#5
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#5
if they've done it once they can easlily do it again
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Trousers
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#6
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#6
It sounds to me like you're still really angry about this guy and what he's done to you. That's fair enough - it's a natural way of dealing with these things and you'd be mad to just accept it.

This isn't the way relationships should be. Every relationship goes through bad patches, couples have arguments, and people drift apart. There's not much you can do about that, but if this bloke has cheated on you within five days of being away, you can't get back together with him.

He might well be a changed man, and he might never do anything like this again. People do change. But imagine how you're going to react when he's away from you. Imagine what you'll be like when he's out at a party or a club, getting drunk. What will you be thinking? It's natural to be a bit jealous, but if you can't trust him it will destroy your relationship and make you feel like ****.

And besides, you can't just wait around for him to come crawling back. Find someone else or just enjoy being single, but don't waste your time with someone who obviously doesn't feel the same way as you do.
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ruthiepoothie
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#7
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#7
if you really love him and you think that, in time, you will be able to forgive him then give it another go, but just see how it goes- don't automatically assume that it will work out, as he has obviously hurt you a lot and sometimes something like that is just too hard to overcome. The other issue is will you be able to trust him again? Trust is one of the, if not the, most important thing in a realtionship and he will have to work extremely hard in order to win your trust back. When he is out without you, will you constantly be asking yourself- what is he up to, is he cheating on me? But you do have to ask yourself whether he would have done it if he had truly loved you? I suppose people do make mistakes- but as far as I know, if you are with someone, you know that you do not go off and do stuff with other people. I suppose the other point is what he actually did when you say 'cheated on you'. I presume you mean he slept with someone else- which is the worst possible thing that he could have done to you. I honestly think that you must be extremely strong to even think about taking him back. I think a kiss could maybe be forgiven but even that is still betrayal, and sleeping with someone else is just horrible. I feel so awful for you, as I can't imagine what you must be going through. I'm sure you know in your heart of hearts whether this event will stay in the front of your mind when you are back together, if you get back together. If it will, then I don't think that a realtionship between the two of you will work, at least not for a while anyway. Maybe you should take some time out from each other, so you can both work out if it what you really want. He would not have donw it if he was happy and content with the realtionship and if he wanted to be with you forever, as he would know how much it would destroy you. The one thing about it which shows that perhaps all is not lost is the fact that he told you- this is better than him not telling you, as honesty is something which a relationship has to be built on. If I was you, I would be very wary of getting back with him, but don't rule it out. If you do decide that it is what you want, then perhaps you need to explain to him that you may have to start the relationship almost from scratch, building up trust etc and that it will not automatically go back to the way it was before. Not all men are like that, and no-one should ever cheat on their partner under an circumstances, and being drunk is no excuse anyway.

Hope that this essay makes some kind of sense to you, ultimately it is your decision, only you know yourself and what you truly want. But if you decide to get back with him, you must make it clear to him that if anything like this ever happens again, then you will not take him back , that this is his last chance, and that you do love him but you can't keep putting yourself through all this pain over and over again. This way, he will know that he has to be completely faithful to you, the way it should always be in a realtionship.

Anywa, good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

If you want a chat or anything- you can always email ([email protected]) or pm me..

Ruth
xxxx
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The_Barman
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#8
Report 16 years ago
#8
I read your thread and my opinion is that he cant change! I ain't gonna lie, when your drunk alot of unusual things CAN happen but you still have control. I hate it when guys use the "i waws drunk" excuse cause it always works and its a pack of lies. I say find urself a new hunny and tell the old one where to go when he crawls back....in fact you should play wth him so he will learn his lesson!x

Im sorry if this wasn't what you wanted to hear!!
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Bhaal85
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#9
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#9
(Original post by snow_white)
sorry to get all personal but i have nothing else to ask or discuss and this is the main thing on my mind. well as many know cause i generally have to mention him somewhere i was with a guy named simon, planned to marry, much in love enuff to burst and we had been for nearly 9 months. so why is it that 5 days into him being at university did he take it upon himself to cheat on me then ring me the next day and tell me then brake up with me? apparently he felt so guilty that he wouldn't be able to live with it and that he wouldn't be able to look at the same way again, i told him i was willing to work past it but no. i mean if you love someone don't you think you would be able to say no to this, wheres the selfcontrol? **** the i was drunk excuse, u can't get up generally if your drunk, he knew what he was dong, he could have said no, shows how much he loved me. my question to the wise forum is would you take the self confessed (whilst crying to me on the phone) lower than dirt exboyfreind back when he comes crawling back as he said he will in later time? keep in mind that this is the second time he's been your exboyfriend the first being years ago and again he dumped you. who would take the guy back if he said he still loved you? could you trust him?
I think you already know the answer to this one.
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Kurdt Morello
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#10
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#10
(Original post by Bhaal85)
I think you already know the answer to this one.
did u read it?
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lumpycustard
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#11
Report 16 years ago
#11
drunk is NOT an excuse in any shape or form.

my girl mate blamed that wen she got off with another guy sayin she didnt no wot she was doin. didnt stop her remembering her mobile number, writign it downa dn givin it him did it...
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Bhaal85
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#12
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#12
(Original post by Kurdt Morello)
did u read it?
Maybe I did, maybe I didn't, who knows? Maybe one day I'll even tell you.
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ruthiepoothie
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#13
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#13
have reconsidered and decided the best option is for you not to take him back... he should never ever have cheated on you. I know that if I ever cheated on my bf (i never, ever, ever, would btw) then he would probably not take me back and same goes for vice versa. its like an unwritten rule in relationships... If he is prepared to do that to you then he is obviously not THE ONE. If I was you, I would turn over a knew leaf, and make a new start... if things are really meant to happen then your paths will cross again and maybe then... but he has hurt you too much I think...
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ruthiepoothie
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#14
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#14
(Original post by lumpycustard)
drunk is NOT an excuse in any shape or form.

my girl mate blamed that wen she got off with another guy sayin she didnt no wot she was doin. didnt stop her remembering her mobile number, writign it downa dn givin it him did it...
being drunk is the most stupid excuse ever- when you are drunk, your real emotions are supposed to *** out eg if you are upset you will cry, if you are happy you will be happy v loudly... if you love someone you don't just forget about them when you are drunk and say stuff the realtionship if you really really love them and want to be with them... and to say you didn't know what you were doing- that is just really stupid... does that mean that you wouldn't know your name or where you lived or how many siblings you had.. i don't think so.. so you would not forget you had an other half and you would not forget that you loved them and you would not forget that if you did this then you would destroy their world and your relationship... it is one thing to think someone else is attractive, but it is a completely different level to do something about it- its disgusting...

ps. lumpycusturd you rock
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lumpycustard
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#15
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#15
(Original post by ruthiepoothie)
have reconsidered and decided the best option is for you not to take him back... he should never ever have cheated on you. I know that if I ever cheated on my bf (i never, ever, ever, would btw) then he would probably not take me back and same goes for vice versa. its like an unwritten rule in relationships... If he is prepared to do that to you then he is obviously not THE ONE. If I was you, I would turn over a knew leaf, and make a new start... if things are really meant to happen then your paths will cross again and maybe then... but he has hurt you too much I think...
to be fair. its hard to do that. if u really love them u find it hard to let go. howver i totally agree with ur point and wot ur saying. love and reltionships r between 2 people. if one of those two go with someone else regardless of bein drunk or not (which u rightly said is a shower of true feelins) then ur breaking that commitment between the two of u.

to the girl who began this thread, i no its hard to let go, but in the end if hes done it once he can and most liekly will do it afgain. its one of lifes lessons. for the 1st few mnths u wil feel horrible but as u meet new people and see that there r guys out there who wil only want YOU!
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ruthiepoothie
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#16
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#16
i suppose its maybe one of the times when your head should rule your heart and not the other way round??

Yeah- its one thing saying i wouldn't take him back but i suppose until it actually happens to you, you don't know how you are going to react...
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lumpycustard
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#17
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#17
(Original post by ruthiepoothie)
i suppose its maybe one of the times when your head should rule your heart and not the other way round??

Yeah- its one thing saying i wouldn't take him back but i suppose until it actually happens to you, you don't know how you are going to react...
and hopefully it never will.
i just think stick to ur guns, if he loves u like u think he does, wud he want to hurt u and betray u that much? yes he may love u, but not enough for commmitment to YOU and ONLY u.
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ruthiepoothie
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#18
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#18
(Original post by lumpycustard)
and hopefully it never will.
i just think stick to ur guns, if he loves u like u think he does, wud he want to hurt u and betray u that much? yes he may love u, but not enough for commmitment to YOU and ONLY u.

good point...for a realtionship to work, that commitment to YOU and ONLY YOU has to be there...
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lumpycustard
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#19
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#19
(Original post by ruthiepoothie)
good point...for a realtionship to work, that commitment to YOU and ONLY YOU has to be there...
and no one else

(hehe this cud go on forever)

too right

yup

only you

and not them

just you

argh! can u see it!?!?
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ruthiepoothie
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#20
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#20
(Original post by lumpycustard)
and no one else

(hehe this cud go on forever)

too right

yup

only you

and not them

just you

argh! can u see it!?!?

lol, yeah.
i think we both agree so....

lumpycusturd is the best, she is better than all the rest...

i wish more people thought like you...
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