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Question for Muslim Brothers?

Salam people,
I had a question I was hoping someone could answer.
For the context: I am a religious, young Muslim girl who is looking to get married soon. I feel prepared but at the same time have a few questions. I understand it would be advisable for me to ask my potential spouse these questions but I’m looking for inclusive answers before going forward.
I would like to know what qualities a smart, polite, practicing Muslim man would look for in a wife?

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Original post by Anonymous
Salam people,
I had a question I was hoping someone could answer.
For the context: I am a religious, young Muslim girl who is looking to get married soon. I feel prepared but at the same time have a few questions. I understand it would be advisable for me to ask my potential spouse these questions but I’m looking for inclusive answers before going forward.
I would like to know what qualities a smart, polite, practicing Muslim man would look for in a wife?

manners, religion and looks i guess (cooking....jk)
but every man has his own taste, so you shouldn't go of what one man says
Original post by Anonymous
manners, religion and looks i guess (cooking....jk)
but every man has his own taste, so you shouldn't go of what one man says

Haha, those are the obvious, I was asking about some more specific qualities in a woman which would be preferable to a respectable Muslim man?
Hi there sister,

Whilst this is a bit of a broad question I will try my best to give you a general insight from a man's perspective. These things will by no means be the priority for ALL men but I'd like to think it's generally applicable to the vast majority.

I think a strong Muslim man would look for a partner who is first and foremost caring. It must be in your nature to care for your partner as well as friends and family in general, and understanding what caring for each of those actually looks like. I personally think no matter your looks; wealth; status if you can show that you are good with people and look after your family it will benefit the relationship more than any of the aforementioned stuff IMO

I believe as a man, many husbands would also try and find some element of peace and helpfulness in their spouses, by that I mean someone who can understand how their husband is feeling (stressed, anxious bored etc etc) and try their best to remedy that and if it's something he needs help with try and offer solutions. (Admittedly we probably won't listen but..... you get the point).

I think it's all the things you yourself think a husband would expect really.
Original post by Anonymous
uh
submissive i guess, not like that
but listen to ur man, be kind to him, what he does, just do it no questions asked
when a guy shouts or agues, dont argue back. let the man 'win and when he cools off, say sorry (even if uve done nothing wrong) and um yh. dont ever mention divorce too
anything else?

i don’t agree with this completely. yes sister you should listen to your husband and be kind to him. if he’s unhappy be patient with him and try and understand his pov but don’t let him shout at you. u don’t need to shout back but make it clear that he can’t just say whatever he wants, especially if he’s in the wrong. maybe u can allow him to cool down if he’s angry but talk to him after and don’t apologise if u don’t need to bc ur husband may use that to his advantage. remember that a polite, practicing muslim man would not shout at his wife for no reason and he will respect his wife. make dua for a righteous husband and allah will give u inshallah
Original post by Anonymous
i don’t agree with this completely. yes sister you should listen to your husband and be kind to him. if he’s unhappy be patient with him and try and understand his pov but don’t let him shout at you. u don’t need to shout back but make it clear that he can’t just say whatever he wants, especially if he’s in the wrong. maybe u can allow him to cool down if he’s angry but talk to him after and don’t apologise if u don’t need to bc ur husband may use that to his advantage. remember that a polite, practicing muslim man would not shout at his wife for no reason and he will respect his wife. make dua for a righteous husband and allah will give u inshallah

not a sister but ok
um yeah sure but if the guys proper worked up or angry, last thing u wanna hear is ur wife saying stuff back...yh ig just saying it later when hes cooled down (bring chocolates too) then talk calmly but sure ameen
Original post by Anonymous
Hi there sister,

Whilst this is a bit of a broad question I will try my best to give you a general insight from a man's perspective. These things will by no means be the priority for ALL men but I'd like to think it's generally applicable to the vast majority.

I think a strong Muslim man would look for a partner who is first and foremost caring. It must be in your nature to care for your partner as well as friends and family in general, and understanding what caring for each of those actually looks like. I personally think no matter your looks; wealth; status if you can show that you are good with people and look after your family it will benefit the relationship more than any of the aforementioned stuff IMO

I believe as a man, many husbands would also try and find some element of peace and helpfulness in their spouses, by that I mean someone who can understand how their husband is feeling (stressed, anxious bored etc etc) and try their best to remedy that and if it's something he needs help with try and offer solutions. (Admittedly we probably won't listen but..... you get the point).

I think it's all the things you yourself think a husband would expect really.

Thank you so much for your insightful answer.
Wow! That’s interesting, is that something you as a Muslim man expect or do your Muslims friends share those views too? Just want to know what majority of the Muslim men think?
Original post by Anonymous
Wow! That’s interesting, is that something you as a Muslim man expect or do your Muslims friends share those views too? Just want to know what majority of the Muslim men think?


if u mean to me yh i guess, but im sure majority can agree when ur mans angry just dont say stuff back, honestly
come back later after everything, explain urself and then yh...
Original post by Anonymous
i don’t agree with this completely. yes sister you should listen to your husband and be kind to him. if he’s unhappy be patient with him and try and understand his pov but don’t let him shout at you. u don’t need to shout back but make it clear that he can’t just say whatever he wants, especially if he’s in the wrong. maybe u can allow him to cool down if he’s angry but talk to him after and don’t apologise if u don’t need to bc ur husband may use that to his advantage. remember that a polite, practicing muslim man would not shout at his wife for no reason and he will respect his wife. make dua for a righteous husband and allah will give u inshallah

Thank you so much for your insightful answer, you seem very knowledgeable Mashallah. If you don’t mind, may I ask if your a brother whose married?
Original post by Anonymous
not a sister but ok
um yeah sure but if the guys proper worked up or angry, last thing u wanna hear is ur wife saying stuff back...yh ig just saying it later when hes cooled down (bring chocolates too) then talk calmly but sure ameen

i was referring to the sister in the original post. also i understand what ur saying, if her husband is worked up and angry it’s best for her to wait for him to cool down before talking to him but sometimes she might also need to say smth back… she shouldn’t have to deal with a angry husband. if she apologises for a mistake which isn’t hers her husband will never rectify. anyway allah knows best
Original post by Anonymous
if u mean to me yh i guess, but im sure majority can agree when ur mans angry just dont say stuff back, honestly
come back later after everything, explain urself and then yh...

That question was addressed towards you, sorry I forgot to quote you. I understand where your coming from. Thank you for the advice, it seems reasonably helpful!
Original post by Anonymous
i was referring to the sister in the original post. also i understand what ur saying, if her husband is worked up and angry it’s best for her to wait for him to cool down before talking to him but sometimes she might also need to say smth back… she shouldn’t have to deal with a angry husband. if she apologises for a mistake which isn’t hers her husband will never rectify. anyway allah knows best


well yh say somat back, but dont fight back, hed probably end her slapping her
we'll see how that goes
no probs sis but like, advice
first bit o marriage will be amazing...fast forward 4 5 years, eesh. take it slow ur marriage, dont speed stuff up
good luck ig
Original post by Anonymous
no probs sis but like, advice
first bit o marriage will be amazing...fast forward 4 5 years, eesh. take it slow ur marriage, dont speed stuff up
good luck ig

If you don’t mind, may I ask if your married? And if so how is your marriage going atm?
Original post by Anonymous
If you don’t mind, may I ask if your married? And if so how is your marriage going atm?


nope still young lol
but ik stuff about marriage and wat a man wants an needs
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you so much for your insightful answer, you seem very knowledgeable Mashallah. If you don’t mind, may I ask if your a brother whose married?

salam sister. i am a sister who got married recently so i wanted to give u advice. im sure anonymous 2 has good intentions but it’s important u find a man who respects u. u should not have to put up with a husband who shouts at u and hits u as islam doesn’t encourage that. a good muslim man won’t assert his dominance on u and will be gentle with u. sometimes my husband gets angry with me but later he will come and apologise but u need to make him respect u from day 1 or he won’t ever. i hope this helps u i’ll make dua for u
Original post by Anonymous
nope still young lol
but ik stuff about marriage and wat a man wants an needs

And are you a man? Also would you prefer a hijabi wife?
Original post by Anonymous
well yh say somat back, but dont fight back, hed probably end her slapping her
we'll see how that goes

I know you are young, but it is never right for either husband or wife to hit their significant other. There are limits.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you so much for your insightful answer.


No worries! any other questions just ask.

I think this whole arguing thing is solved very easily, As a man you don't shout at your wife becuase you've had a stressful day, she's not there as a release mechanism. :s-smilie:

I might talk to her and say just give me some silence or I'll come talk to you after I'm finished with XYZ. Shouting will not make her fear nor respect you. It will just scare her away. Firstly you shouldn't let yourself get THAT angry but lets say you come home absolutely ballistic one day for whatever reason just don't talk till your cool enough to do so or if you have to talk then just say, let me come talk to you in a little while.

some people in the thread making it seem like a dispute is a verbal competition ahahha. it's really not that deep.

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