Not sure if I should forgive my Bf for getting physical in an argument

A little background before i continue on. My Bf had gone away to nottingham for new years and he was rlly upset about the fact he had to leave meaning he wouldn’t be able to see me. As the days went on since he arrived to see family he tried everything in his power to get his family to go back to our home town so we could see each other again, however i told him to just chill with his family in Nottingham as its not everyday he sees them.

So let’s just say on January 2nd i had made plans to meet up w my 2 friends in my town centre and just chill with each other since they both had come back from university and this was the first time i had seen them in a while. My Bf was aware i was going out which is important to the story as he wants to know what im doing and when all the time. At the time i had just gotten a new phone and then switched my sim but now my data wasn’t working on both old and new phone so contacting anyone even the friends i was meeting up with was hard. My Bf prior to me going out told me to update him with what i was doing and i told him i would. Pretty much i went to try get my phone fixed but they said i needed the original buyer to come in so they could give me data. Then my friends decided to text my boyfriend on my phone whilst i went to the bathroom (i had given it them since i had no pockets and was carrying 2 phones around) Telling him i was crying upset and had ran away and he had kept asking if i was drunk which he doesn’t like me getting drunk unless im with him. My friends kept going on with this joke until i came back and saw the messages. I apologized to my bf about the behaviour to which he rightly fully got angry about it. He goes how can u let ur friends ruin the relationship like that i told him they didn’t meant antrhint by it but i understand it wasn’t okay and i apologise. He said he was coming back from nottingham to my home town and told me he would come to see me, because he was scared and worried because of the joke and the fact i wasn’t sending him updates which really piased him off (he also has my location) We ended the convo there and me and my friend went to drop my friend off at her house then headed into a mcdonalds to grab food. Once we ordered we sat down and i began to connect to the wifi to update my bf on what i was doing. At that moment i saw him outside of mcdonalds and saw a phone call from him i looked at my friend like uh what’s going on how does he even know where i am right now type thing. To which before i even haf time to react he stormed into the mcdonalds grabbed my gym back and started screaming at me to get the **** up and leave. I looked at my friend in confusion as we didn’t know why he was this angry he kept yelling at me to get up and leave and stop looking at my friend. To which he left the mcdonald’s and i followed him to see what was going on and to grab my bag back. He started yelling saying it’s “over” and i’m a ***** for not updating him on what i was doing and treating him like that. I told him i had tried to apologize to what they did i had no data to update him. My friend then walked in our direction and i was like okay i just need to order her and uber as i told her i would do so because it was dark and she was going to walk home which was 30 mins away and he started yelling at me because i cared for my friend more than i did him. My friend told me it was okay and she’ll just walk and then she left. He then grabbed my phone and proceeded to walk away to another street. I told him what he didn’t in the maccies was not okay and told him i wanted my stuff back and he said no you’ve been nothint but hurtful today i argued with my whole family just to be here and this is how u treat me. I said i’m sorry but i’m leaving u can keep my stuff he then grabbed me and shoved me into a fence and repeatedly started shoving me into it then pulling me up. He then threw my phone over the fence and continued shouting at me.

Thars pretty much the whole story however this isn’t the first time he’s shown signs leading up to it. He had once asked to hold my bag which i politely declined which if can make no sense to some but then he tried to grab it off me and i was like no it’s okay i want to hold it then he just pushed me away and goes okay then ******* take it back. It wasn’t that big of a problem i think but yeah. He has now tried to apologize for what he did saying that wasn’t him he’s a better man than that. Do i not remember all the love he gave me. He’s telling me he will change but idk what to think, and he didn’t know i was this sensitive. When he did the thing i just stated about holding the bag i told him how i reallt don’t want him becoming a person who does things (physically and told him i wasn’t saying he is that person but ive seen people change and im a little scared) when he gets angry since ive had a past with abuse and he told me he understood and wouldn’t do it again but did it again. Now im in the situation idk who’s right ik his feelings could be valid but i really don’t know what to do. There are other things which counters into it but this is the main stuff

Reply 1

Zarek

It’s unacceptable. I would dump him

Reply 2

Jakson123

None of this is ok. Not only is he violent but he is extremely, extremely controlling:

'he wants to know what im doing and when all the time'
'i wasn’t sending him updates which really piased him off (he also has my location)'
'he stormed into the mcdonalds grabbed my gym back and started screaming at me to get the **** up and leave'
'i’m a ***** for not updating him on what i was doing'
'told him i wanted my stuff back and he said no you’ve been nothint but hurtful today'
'shoved me into a fence and repeatedly started shoving me into it then pulling me up'
'threw my phone over the fence and continued shouting at me'

This is an abusive relationship and you should be ending it immediately. No amount of violence is acceptable but you should have ended it as soon as he started dictating to you how you should be living your life. No one should be following your every move and expecting you to tell them everything you do and expecting you to do everything they tell you to. Abusers are always sorry afterwards, tell you how much they love you, make it all somehow your fault. They are just manipulating you into going back to them. That pattern then happens over and over. Please get help and support to keep this awful person out of your life.

Unfortunately your friends don't sound up to much either I'm afraid sending horrible messages like that, they need to understand that something is only a joke if everyone finds it funny - they sound very immature.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

5 months on, I really hope you left. It rarely gets better with physically abusive partners in the long run.

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

My first bf was like this, I wish I got out of there sooner, please do the same. I’m with the sweetest guy now and he wouldn’t even think twice about raising his voice at me let alone the rest