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My boyfriend told me he’s bisexual

My boyfriend of almost 4 years told me he’s bi curious. His fantasy is to have a mmf threesom*. He told me that he doesn’t find male attractive. But the sexual acts of the p**is. His fantasy is to give bl**j*b. I’m shocked that he told me this as there was never any signs. Should I leave him explore it? He’s stating that he wants me to be involved, but I don’t want to. Should I just walk away because I don’t want to hold him back?
Original post by PStudent10102
My boyfriend of almost 4 years told me he’s bi curious. His fantasy is to have a mmf threesom*. He told me that he doesn’t find male attractive. But the sexual acts of the p**is. His fantasy is to give bl**j*b. I’m shocked that he told me this as there was never any signs. Should I leave him explore it? He’s stating that he wants me to be involved, but I don’t want to. Should I just walk away because I don’t want to hold him back?


Possibly walk away tbh, it's one thing him wanting to talk about these feelings but quite a big escalation to him then wanting your relationship to include other men. If he can't let go of these intentions the relationship will be hard to continue.
it sounds like he doesn't rlly know what hes on about or has some kind of internalised homophobia if on the one hand hes saying hes bi curious but on the other hand that he isnt attracted to guys. thats just rubbish,if hes bi curious and wants a mmf 3some as well as giving blowie then he clearly is attracted to guys and should just fully admit that instead of sillily pretending that isnt the case. i dont think u necessary need to leave him loads of ppl have fantasies that they never act out bc they know there partner wouldnt agree or accept. u need to properly communicate with him and have a serious chat about how this makes u feel and respecting ur boundaries and wishes. if u dont want to do this and make it clear he might respect that and just keep it a fantasy. but if he rlly does want to do it and he isnt budging on that then yes u might need 2 leave him.
Original post by PStudent10102
My boyfriend of almost 4 years told me he’s bi curious. His fantasy is to have a mmf threesom*. He told me that he doesn’t find male attractive. But the sexual acts of the p**is. His fantasy is to give bl**j*b. I’m shocked that he told me this as there was never any signs. Should I leave him explore it? He’s stating that he wants me to be involved, but I don’t want to. Should I just walk away because I don’t want to hold him back?


My boyfriend is bisexual (well actually pansexual, but he has dated men in the past). Personally, it doesn't bother me at all. He's expressed an interest in threesomes with both men and women in the future, which I'd be open to. Really, it depends on you. If you are definitely not open to what he has suggested, it might just be a case that you're not right for each other if that is something he definitely wants to pursue. If you were to try any of it, make sure you agree boundaries beforehand. For example, in my relationship we would have an understanding that any other people involved in our sex life would just be for sex, not emotional attachment. We would both have to agree on who it would be and what specific things we would each be OK with doing. Someone being sexually attracted to different genders is not unusual, but you not wanting to explore that is also completely fine. If this difference is having a negative impact on your relationship, though, it might mean your differences will make your relationship difficult to maintain in the long-run, especially if you are worried your boyfriend is not satisfied or is seeking to satisfy his desires elsewhere behind your back.
Thank you for your feedback. I have given him consent to explore and made it clear that I don’t want to be involved in a three***e. As this was the main thing he wanted. He wanted to explore it with me. But I’ve only ever had s*x with him and want to keep it that way. I told him that we could go to Amsterdam etc as he doesn’t want to do it locally. He finds it weird how I’m ok with leaving him explore it without me and is mad at the fact that I’m ok with it, stating that I’m opening up the relationship. But I told him it’s not really open, just that I don’t want to be down the line with him, with kids etc and him regretting it and doing it behind my back. I’ve asked him what does he want to do. Giver/taker and he told me that it’s the bl**job that turns him on, him giving it to a guy. He definitely has issues admitting that he’s bi and loses it at times. I don’t know what more I can do to be honest. I’m just grateful he told me now, rather than down the line. I’ll definitely be there for him as a friend. I don’t know will I be continuing the relationship just yet.
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend is bisexual (well actually pansexual, but he has dated men in the past). Personally, it doesn't bother me at all. He's expressed an interest in threesomes with both men and women in the future, which I'd be open to. Really, it depends on you. If you are definitely not open to what he has suggested, it might just be a case that you're not right for each other if that is something he definitely wants to pursue. If you were to try any of it, make sure you agree boundaries beforehand. For example, in my relationship we would have an understanding that any other people involved in our sex life would just be for sex, not emotional attachment. We would both have to agree on who it would be and what specific things we would each be OK with doing. Someone being sexually attracted to different genders is not unusual, but you not wanting to explore that is also completely fine. If this difference is having a negative impact on your relationship, though, it might mean your differences will make your relationship difficult to maintain in the long-run, especially if you are worried your boyfriend is not satisfied or is seeking to satisfy his desires elsewhere behind your back.

Thank you for your feedback. I have given him consent to explore and made it clear that I don’t want to be involved in a three***e. As this was the main thing he wanted. He wanted to explore it with me. But I’ve only ever had s*x with him and want to keep it that way. I told him that we could go to Amsterdam etc as he doesn’t want to do it locally. He finds it weird how I’m ok with leaving him explore it without me and is mad at the fact that I’m ok with it, stating that I’m opening up the relationship. But I told him it’s not really open, just that I don’t want to be down the line with him, with kids etc and him regretting it and doing it behind my back. I’ve asked him what does he want to do. Giver/taker and he told me that it’s the bl**job that turns him on, him giving it to a guy. He definitely has issues admitting that he’s bi and loses it at times. I don’t know what more I can do to be honest. I’m just grateful he told me now, rather than down the line. I’ll definitely be there for him as a friend. I don’t know will I be continuing the relationship just yet.
Original post by PStudent10102
My boyfriend of almost 4 years told me he’s bi curious. His fantasy is to have a mmf threesom*. He told me that he doesn’t find male attractive. But the sexual acts of the p**is. His fantasy is to give bl**j*b. I’m shocked that he told me this as there was never any signs. Should I leave him explore it? He’s stating that he wants me to be involved, but I don’t want to. Should I just walk away because I don’t want to hold him back?

I am pansexual, and I have a boyfriend. Pansexual basically means that I am attracted to anyone regardless of gender identity, so yes any gender, and I personally would never want to have a threesome. My only extremely sexual experience has been with my boyfriend, and it had crossed my mind that I have never sexually explored with other genders, but I only want to have intercourse with my boyfriend. Do not be afraid to say you’re uncomfortable if you are, and if this is a deal breaker, do not be ashamed. If my boyfriend told me he was bisexual, I would support him because I myself am gay, but if he asked to have intercourse with men or anyone else, I would deeply consider leaving my relationship. Again, it’s all about personal view, but please do not be afraid to tell him how you feel.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for your feedback. I have given him consent to explore and made it clear that I don’t want to be involved in a three***e. As this was the main thing he wanted. He wanted to explore it with me. But I’ve only ever had s*x with him and want to keep it that way. I told him that we could go to Amsterdam etc as he doesn’t want to do it locally. He finds it weird how I’m ok with leaving him explore it without me and is mad at the fact that I’m ok with it, stating that I’m opening up the relationship. But I told him it’s not really open, just that I don’t want to be down the line with him, with kids etc and him regretting it and doing it behind my back. I’ve asked him what does he want to do. Giver/taker and he told me that it’s the bl**job that turns him on, him giving it to a guy. He definitely has issues admitting that he’s bi and loses it at times. I don’t know what more I can do to be honest. I’m just grateful he told me now, rather than down the line. I’ll definitely be there for him as a friend. I don’t know will I be continuing the relationship just yet.

It's a difficult thing to deal with, for sure. I understand where you are coming from. Honestly, I'd be OK with my boyfriend exploring sex with men on his own, too, if that's what he wanted to do, but only if the understanding was it was only for sex and no emotional ties were formed (of course, there is always a risk that could happen, but I'd trust him to tell me if it did). I just figure there is a lot I can do for him, a lot I can offer, but being a man just isn't one of those things. Know your boundaries, explore them together and see if you can reach an understanding that works for both of you. If not, that's just the way these things go, sometimes.
Reply 8
Original post by PStudent10102
My boyfriend of almost 4 years told me he’s bi curious. His fantasy is to have a mmf threesom*. He told me that he doesn’t find male attractive. But the sexual acts of the p**is. His fantasy is to give bl**j*b. I’m shocked that he told me this as there was never any signs. Should I leave him explore it? He’s stating that he wants me to be involved, but I don’t want to. Should I just walk away because I don’t want to hold him back?


I don't see why him being bi is a negative thing. To me it shows he is comfortable telling you things that most people never tell to anyone. Surely that is a good thing for your relationship with him?

With the MMF threesome, you cannot say you do not have a sexual fetish or fantasy yourself, maybe not like his, but everyone had a kink they'd like to explore. Only because he'd like to try it. Doesn't mean he will or is cheating on you either.

To me you seem to have an issue with him being bi, otherwise you wouldn't have posted about it.. if it is a big deal to you, end the relationship and explain why, but to me I don't see that he's done anything wrong by telling you this.

Please bare in mind I've personally Never been in a relationship (20M) so do with my advice how you'd like..
Original post by cos123
I don't see why him being bi is a negative thing. To me it shows he is comfortable telling you things that most people never tell to anyone. Surely that is a good thing for your relationship with him?

With the MMF threesome, you cannot say you do not have a sexual fetish or fantasy yourself, maybe not like his, but everyone had a kink they'd like to explore. Only because he'd like to try it. Doesn't mean he will or is cheating on you either.

To me you seem to have an issue with him being bi, otherwise you wouldn't have posted about it.. if it is a big deal to you, end the relationship and explain why, but to me I don't see that he's done anything wrong by telling you this.

Please bare in mind I've personally Never been in a relationship (20M) so do with my advice how you'd like..

Tbf I don’t see anywhere where the OP has said or even implied she has a problem with her boyfriend being bi. What she has made clear is that she doesn’t want other people involved in the relationship, which is a completely fair and reasonable dealbreaker…most people are only interested in exclusive, monogamous relationships. The boyfriend has every right to let her know and decide to pursue sexual relations with other men, but likewise she has every right to not want to be a part of that and decide that this spells the death of their romantic relationship.
Original post by cos123
I don't see why him being bi is a negative thing. To me it shows he is comfortable telling you things that most people never tell to anyone. Surely that is a good thing for your relationship with him?

With the MMF threesome, you cannot say you do not have a sexual fetish or fantasy yourself, maybe not like his, but everyone had a kink they'd like to explore. Only because he'd like to try it. Doesn't mean he will or is cheating on you either.

To me you seem to have an issue with him being bi, otherwise you wouldn't have posted about it.. if it is a big deal to you, end the relationship and explain why, but to me I don't see that he's done anything wrong by telling you this.

Please bare in mind I've personally Never been in a relationship (20M) so do with my advice how you'd like..


I honestly dunno if the bi/curious/fantasy bit was the issue. Asking directly for a threesome is moving things to a far higher level.... and it's one of those things you can't 'unsay' if your partner doesn't like it and takes it as a sign of rejection or threat.

Like telling your partner you want to bed someone else can end the relationship on the spot, whatever the sexual orientation.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by PStudent10102
My boyfriend of almost 4 years told me he’s bi curious. His fantasy is to have a mmf threesom*. He told me that he doesn’t find male attractive. But the sexual acts of the p**is. His fantasy is to give bl**j*b. I’m shocked that he told me this as there was never any signs. Should I leave him explore it? He’s stating that he wants me to be involved, but I don’t want to. Should I just walk away because I don’t want to hold him back?

You said you don't want to entangle yourself in a threesome. So, I feel it would be better for you to walk away. Things look awful already.

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