Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Retaking AS Modules

Hi

My exams generally went pretty well. Having slipped into old lazy habits for much of the year I managed to put some hard work in at the end and now feel pretty confident about my RS and English Lit exam performance. Sadly Economics didn't go very well and so I am planning to drop it. This leaves Maths.

For Maths I screwed up the C1 and by that I mean I probably got about 55/75 but I redeemed myself with S1 where I feel like i got a high mark in the mid60's.

I had those two modules and the rest of my aforementioned exams in the first week which meant that I had 6 whole days to prepare for my C2. Stupidly I got cocky. I was really pleased with how I fared in the English and RS Exams and as I had done well in the S1 I felt that all I had to do was to get a really good mark in the C2 and I would be sorted. I could drop Econ and happily take the other 3 and aim for AAA minimum at A2, with hopefully a * in english/rs. I was really pleased and having had 7 exams in the space of 4 days with a lot of working, and little sleep due to my last-minute nature the prospect of having 6 days to do one module where I could catch up on sleep was appealing.

Annoyingly I lost motivation. I wasn't working hard but that wasn't the issue. I wasn't working smart enough. I was using methods which I now regret because they didn't suit me. I figured out how awesome exam solutions the day before my exam and I regret that I didn't use that for those 6 days as opposed to using my textbook which took me way longer to understand concepts that the examsolutions internet tutorials did in such shorter time. With lost motivation I relaxed too much and procrastinated all until Thursday just gone - a day before my exam. On that day I did a lot of work but my overly laid back, procrastinating and last minute nature - where I'm only properly motivated when I'm against the time- caused me to work until 5 am on the day of my exam.

Then for my C2 I did poorly considering how much time i had to prepare for it, and I feel like I may have at best got 50/75 which would set me up for a very low B in maths as it stands. Personally I kinda hate myself now. I had all this time to completely smash C2 and get an A in maths but now I face the prospects of retaking C1 and C2. I'm curious to how this looks. I never considered the prospect of retaking - I always have this belief that I'll get it right when it comes down to it but now it's something I feel I must do. How bad does retaking look? how difficult is it considering I'll need to retake in May/June 2014 with all my other A2 exams I think, as I don't believe my school allows Jan retakes any longer for some reason. How many retakes is it that looks bad, as I heard the odd retake is okay and I'm planning on retaking 2 modules.

I feel so stupid. Why did I put my foot of the gas and relax when if I just kept on working at it I wouldn;t have to be in a position of retaking. Why did I have to leave it to the last minute, why did I underestimate the work I had to do. All the work beforehand and I went and bottled it when I just had to work at it a bit longer. I felt motivated before as I felt with a bit of luck with a few nice questions here and there in my exams that I had done really well overall bar econ which I'm gonna drop anyway. I felt like I had really turned a corner, and was motivated to get my life together completely, I was gonna ace my exams, go to the gym all summer, get into shape, have great summer experiences with my mates, and all summer was going to be fun. Now I find it hard to enjoy myself. My laziness in not working hard/smart enough for my C2 haunts me. The thought that I could have done better and made things easy for myself nags at me. The only way I can really soothe that disappointment is if I know retaking won't look/be costly for me when it comes to uni applications. If so I'm super motivated to atone for my errors. Also as I asked before probably does retaking as modules make the A2 year that much more difficult?

Personally my parents have been great with me and have said all the right stuff - everyone makes mistakes, learning curve etc. And if retaking two modules won't be too costly for me provided I do the work to improve my scores in both, I'll feel much better. Currently my inactivity over that 6 day period grinds with me so badly it makes me feel like such a f***ing failure. I failed to meet my goals.

Any advice would be much appreciated, and I apologise if I am acting melodramatically.