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    My boyfriend wants to move upto Newcastle with me if I end up going to uni there in September..which I currently have no problem with. The problem is that he wants us to live together up there, which I'm not so keen on. There are the obvious disadvantages of not living in halls such as not making as many friends, being secluded etc. etc. but I also think it will put a lot of pressure on our relationship.

    I'll probably end up moving in with him in the 2nd and 3rd years as I'll have to find somewhere to live anyway, I just don't want to live with him right away. I think it'd be better if we lived apart because then we could still do our own thing but spend time together.

    I've been looking on the net for flats near to the uni that he could live in so we'd still be close by, how do I break it to him that I'm not keen on living with him? I don't want to offend or upset him or make him feel like I don't want him up there with me, because I do.

    Please don't tell me that its stupid for him to move up there with me blah de blah - thats not what the issue is, I just want to know how to go about telling him that I don't want to live with him right away.
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    Sit him down (make sure he is in a good mood)
    Tell you want to live in halls for the first year and the reasons why.
    I dont think he will like it but at the end of the day if you dont feel ready then you shouldnt do something. It wont make you happy.
    I spoken to a few people who have said they moved in with their man for the first year of uni and regretted it, mainly because they felt that they didnt get as stuck into uni life as they could have.
    I am not saying that it never works or anything but because you arent ready then I dont think it will.
    By not living with him the first year isnt the end of the world, he will still be close by living there in his flat. Then if you're still going strong at the end of the first year at uni then go live with him - By then you should be ready. Being ready is important. Obviously you care enough that you dont want to spoil your relationship by acting too soon.
    If he truly loves you he will understand even if he isnt that happy about it.
    I am goin to uni and my bf is thinking of moving to the same area but we've established that I need this bit of independence by living in halls and he is ok with it now even though he wasnt at first.
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    Are you sure he would have a major problem with you spending your first year in halls? Personally I would try and make the point that that is where you will meet most of your new friends.

    He might not have a problem with it. Does he currently have his own place or is he with his parents?
    He may like the idea of finding his own place, or say it might be an idea for him 2 share with some lads so he can also makes new friends up there.
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    'I really appreciate the thought, but I don't want to miss out on the university experience.' Everyone says halls are loads of fun, because they are, and most people see them as a pretty important part of uni life in the first year Just try explaining what you've heard from other people - 'I was looking forward to it'.
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    Be honest with him, it's always the best policy. Tell him that you'd still see each other and that you really do want him to be there for you, but tell him that you think it'd be easier for you to meet new friends if you were involved with and mingling with them instead of staying away completely and only seeing them in lectures, etc. which would probably make them think you're quite anti-social. It's not like you'd be breaking up with him or refusing his request to move up there with you, so I think he should understand. It'd only be for one year too, and that'll go in quickly!
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    (Original post by Varsity)
    He might not have a problem with it. Does he currently have his own place or is he with his parents?
    He currently has his own flat, so its not like it'd be a big change where we'd gone from living with each other to not living with each other.

    Thanks for the advice so far everyone.. I've managed to find a couple of flats on the net that would be perfect as they're only about a 10 minute walk from the uni.
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    Just tell him about all the drunken orgies and hot guys you'll be around and I'm sure he'll understand.

    But seriously. He should understand that you'll need to make friends and everything. So 'if he loves you' he'll be fine with it.
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    Just tell him. Make sure you mention your second/third year plans. If he's a loving, mature boyfriend he'll understand. You really do need to go through the freshers experience. It's a big part of uni life and the biggest way to make friends.
    Are you absolutely sure he can't move up for your second year? It'll be expensive for him living alone. Perhaps you could have your independence in first year, followed with you living together the year after?
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    (Original post by xlouisedoll)
    My boyfriend wants to move upto Newcastle with me if I end up going to uni there in September..which I currently have no problem with. The problem is that he wants us to live together up there, which I'm not so keen on. There are the obvious disadvantages of not living in halls such as not making as many friends, being secluded etc. etc. but I also think it will put a lot of pressure on our relationship.

    I'll probably end up moving in with him in the 2nd and 3rd years as I'll have to find somewhere to live anyway, I just don't want to live with him right away. I think it'd be better if we lived apart because then we could still do our own thing but spend time together.

    I've been looking on the net for flats near to the uni that he could live in so we'd still be close by, how do I break it to him that I'm not keen on living with him? I don't want to offend or upset him or make him feel like I don't want him up there with me, because I do.

    Please don't tell me that its stupid for him to move up there with me blah de blah - thats not what the issue is, I just want to know how to go about telling him that I don't want to live with him right away.
    I don't find it stupid, I'm doing a bigger move shortly to be near my boyfriend. Sit your boyfriend down and explain to him that you feel that it would cause too much pressure on your relationship to live together in your first year. You have a lot of things to do in your first year at uni and albeit it'd be nice to live with each other, but you probably will in a sense by staying with each other on alternative nights etc.

    Tell him that yu can use it as a stepping stone and as an experiment to see how you would be able to work as a couple when living together. It'll be hard to explain this but I'm sure he'll understand
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    you dont want to miss out the halls. if hes sensible, he will get you
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    its not stupid at all. i totally agree with what you are saying.

    another alternative is to suggest he doesnt move up there but comes to stay with you?

    some uni's let people stay in accomodation!

    that way you get best of both worlds
 
 
 
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