RAF RTS Basic Training Halton - Partner, Relationship

It's very much workable if you accept the obvious fact that the military life can and will disrupt plans every now and then. Training environments are the worst for it and after that, it generally improves.

Been with my wife for 4 years, been married for 3 and have lived apart for the majority of that time (i.e. when not on leave). During this time I've completed 2 tours of Afghanistan and spent time away on UK and other overseas tasks, training, etc. It can be very difficult, especially if you are used to living in each others pockets at the moment. We make it work by making the most of our time together so at the moment that includes the weekends and any leave we have. We tend to go 'all out' on things such as nights out, holidays, etc. I once had to break the news that I was being deployed for 4 months with a couple of days to spare; as you can imagine, that went down like a tonne of bricks..! Cases of things such as that are extremely uncommon but you have to expect the unexpected and go with the flow. An open mind and some flexibility goes a long way..!

If this sounds rather negative then I must emphasise that the RAF has given both me and my wife some great opportunities in life. A decent wage and leave allowance that means we can go on nice holidays, we have had help buying our first home (which we are soon to rent out, meaning somebody lease will be paying our mortgage), the chance to visit a wide range of places that very few people do (we have met the Queen at Buck Palace), and the chance to visit different parts of the country and broaden our horizons (one of my previous tours involved having an all expenses paid flat in Central London - we made the most of it, theatre, nights out, sights, etc.).

Fortunately we will soon be living together on a permanent basis which will be great (I hope..!). At the moment we speak in work and exchange emails a few times a day. Depending on his trade your boyfriend should be able to keep in touch fairly easily. Training is a different situation, but it doesn't last forever and soon it will be as if he has a 'normal' job.

He will be focused on his training at the moment; all I would say is stick with it, appreciate that he is probably under quite a bit of pressure at the moment, and try to be supportive. Perhaps find out about his graduation and make plans for attending that. Or arrange to go down one weekend (when he has a free one) and have a night in London.

Stella

First things first. You are not alone! At least 99.9% of the military are involved in a relationship with someone or something. The other 0.1% are just weird, or lying.

The other thing is that your own relationship is unique to you and your bf. How you and he deal with the situation is similarly unique. Relationship queries involving service personnel, come up on TSR at least annually. I've responded to a number of them as I have a small amount of experience with 30+ years RAF service. The current Mrs Ikky is also ex RAF and previously married to an Army major. We're both now back in Civvy St.

I've cut and paste the last input I gave in 2015, as it remains valid and I haven't got time to re-write it:

Hi, this is obviously a difficult and worrying time for you with a lot of uncertainty, but just remember you are not alone and there will be many people in exactly the same situation who have no idea what to expect when their partner decides to join the military.

There are a lot of resources out there and you might want to check these out:

a. TSR Thread in 2014 - RAF Girlfriend
b. RAF Careers - Vehicle & Mechanical Technician
c. RAF Families Federation - Home page

The first one is a thread from last year from someone in a similar position - maybe you could PM her for advice?
The second is the official careers guidance for the role your b/f is interested in.
Lastly, the RAF Families Federation provides lots of good information about what a life in service means for family members.

You asked about leave and the section dealing with that is here. That tells you the types of leave and how many days he'll be entitled to, but it is impossible to say how it is allocated practically. That will depend on many factors such as the particular job and unit he's been posted to, whether he's been warned for deployment overseas, and if he's been allocated a station duty (eg station guard force). He will get leave, but maybe just not when he wants it - the military is a 365 - 24/7 operation so he might have to work Christmas or any other day when the rest of the UK population is relaxing. That's just the nature of the beast, I'm afraid. In my RAF career, I worked every single day in the calendar and every hour - it ain't a 9-5 existence!

Military life can be very rewarding for both service personnel and their families, but it is so far removed from a life in civvy street that most of the population takes for granted. In my second career 'outside the wire', I have almost complete control over my life and we can plan everything with a high degree of certainty (no more lastminute.com). That is the freedom your partner will give up for his military career - and by implication, that will impact heavily on you too. Relationships within the military are subject to stresses that most of the population cannot imagine, but they can and do work.

The key is 2 way communication.

Very best of luck, and I hope everything works out for you!

Stella you specifically asked about your status as a gf and recognition by the military in terms of housing etc. I would strongly recommend you look through the RAF Families Federation link and if necessary contact someone there. The whole issue of Service Accommodation is complicated and causes a lot of angst (due to the fact it's been contracted out for many years to a commercial company) and I don't think you and your bf would qualify for Service Accommodation at this point of your relationship.

Can I ask what your hopes and aspirations (home and career) are for the future. The skill to making a military relationship work is by meshing yours with his.

And finally, the only answer is to communicate, openly and honestly. That is tricky with blokes. You may have discovered that boys are not good with emotional intelligence, so avoid going directly for the BIG CONVERSATION and instead use your own skill to drive discussions in a natural manner, say over dinner, where you can talk about the future but in an innocuous, innocent way. It may take a bit of time, but stick with it!

All the best, and I wish you both a long and happy life together.

Ikky

No problem. I actually got together with my girlfriend just before starting Halton so it was pretty hard for that reason alone. She went off to University in the North fairly soon after soon it was absolutely a long distance relationship which has it's difficulties for anyone, never mind someone in the military.

I joined up as an Aircraft Technician. I did 10 weeks of Halton, 6 months at Cosford, 14 months on a Typhoon squadron as a Mechanic and I'm now back at Cosford for 12 months doing technician training. Managing a relationship is definitely hardest when in training because there's a less structured routine and you're a lot busier. Halton will always be the worst - but it's only 10 weeks. If the relationship is worth it, then it will survive Halton. It's not long at all, although it can feel like a life time. It isn't.

There's probably been a handful of weekends where I've had to cancel plans which had been frustrating but nothing too serious. My girlfriend really doesn't like the idea of me going away anywhere just for safety reasons (Even though most places you can go are absolutely safe). It's obviously harder for people on the outside to understand that though. There were a couple of times during Cosford where we had a Saturday taken away due to an inspection or something, which wasn't really a big deal.

There was a time on squadron where we were very close to going away at very short notice and that wasn't particularly nice but in the end it turned out to be nothing. Still had to cancel a few plans because of it as we had no idea if we would be leaving or not.

It's absolutely manageable, but it depends on your personality and how understanding you are.

Thank you for providing me with such a thorough insight into a successful RAF relationship! It sounds like you've shared some incredible experiences together. I am particularly excited about being able to watch him graduate.. it's going to be a very proud day for us both!! I'm not entirely sure whether he knows his graduation date this early on though, as he's only been in training for a week.. but I've definitely tried to be as supportive as possible so far - the most annoying aspect is being so far away when you want to congratulate and be there to physically support each other rather than via text!

May I ask, what is your trade and how long have you been serving in the RAF? Also I hope you don't mind me asking, but were you married before you joined the RAF? I'm just curious as to whether the RAF considers girlfriends on the same level as wives with regards to housing, leave, etc.

Thank you in advance! :-)

Hi Stella, you're welcome.

He should know his projected grad date, but if it is early days he may be putting it to the back of his mind, for now at least. Things happen that can cause the date to change, mainly back flighting (repeating parts of the training) or injury, etc. To be honest the vast majority of people get through Halton first time so I wouldn't worry.

I'm in a technical trade and have been in for coming up to 12 years now. To be honest I plan on doing to at least to the 22 year point as I enjoy the job and the pay/pension package, personal development, training, etc. is very good.

From doing the maths above you will see that I wasn't married when I joined up, in fact I didn't even know my wife back then..!

Are you planning on moving to live with your bf once he has received his posting? We are obviously talking 18 months down the line here. As you are not married you will not be eligible for families accommodation (BUT CHANGES ARE AFOOT*). If you can afford it there is nothing stopping you both renting in the local area from the station. He will get an allowance for fuel depending on the mileage.


*A new accommodation model is in the pipeline, named Future Accommodation Model (FAM). A bit of googling should throw some up information, but in essence, personnel may have the option to take a fixed amount (area dependent) and find a property to rent in the local area. You wont necessarily have to be married to qualify for this (which could benefit you). Trials will be starting next year with a potential rollout after that.

Yeah there are ups and downs, of course. It's physically and mentally demanding and he's going be tired pretty much all of the time. It's hard for the boyfriend/girlfriend on the outside to understand it all but if he seems distant or short-tempered during phone calls then it's honestly just because he's exhausted. I know I was snappy a few times with mine and I really didn't want to be. I am very grateful that she was supportive and put up with it! It's definitely normal for the training environment. Halton is intense and busy and there won't be any let up until he graduates.

So as he's probably told you, he'll be in a block with the whole intake which is split up into different rooms. Each room has about 16 people in. These are the people you'll bond better with because you are literally with them 24 hours a day, almost every day. It's mostly a tough time, so there is 'banter' that goes on and generally dicking around but it's nothing major. Anything to lighten the mood really. Most of your time is spent ironing or polishing so anything to make you laugh is welcome! Nobody was badly behaved. If anyone even began to stray over the line then you can guarantee everyone else in the room will set them straight.

We had one weekend taken away from us for a not-so-great inspection. We had to paint the curb stones outside the block on a Saturday morning, and then watch the paint run down the road all afternoon when the rain washed it off. Good times.

Definitely easier at Cosford. Cosford is more of a 9-5 job, although weekends can still be disrupted. I was quite lucky in that I was here for 6 months and then went out to a squadron, but now I'm back for 12 months so it's swings and roundabouts I guess. Only married couples have service housing, but if you live close anyway then you can go home as much as you want (evenings/weekends).

I'm a mechanical aircraft technician. I was posted to Coningsby on Typhoons once I left Cosford. We work pretty closely with the armourers and aside from the upset with armourers pay, I'd say they were fairly happy working on fast jets.

You do get a say in where you go, yes. However, some people were very disappointed with what they ended up getting so there's no guarantees that you'll get what you want. Different aircraft have different perks. Some aircraft go away more than others, but some go away for shorter periods but more frequently. Of course, armourers may not even get posted onto an aircraft squadron. They are a lot more likely to end up in a bay or an armoury for their first postings and if they get that, they won't be going away at all. We had a few new armourers coming onto the squadron at Coningsby just before I left, but the whole armourer trade on the squadron was relatively small in comparison to mechanical/avionics.

Thanks so much for all this info - it's been so helpful to read through all this. I was just wondering if you knew much about how the whole graduation process works? I work during the week but I've been told that he will be most likely graduating on a Tuesday - will it be in the morning or afternoon or is it a whole day celebration? Also, will I be able to go to his graduation party or are no +1's permitted? And lastly, once the graduation ceremony is over will he be free to come home the next day for the week off he gets before he starts the next stage in Cosford? Or will he have to wait until the Friday late afternoon/ early evening before he can stand down for the week?

Hope you don't mind all these questions, I just want to have something to look forward to / count down to and make plans, and you seem like you have good knowledge of it all :-)

Graduation generally takes up a few hours between 11am and about 3pm. Guests arrive at about 11:00 and they have some kind of welcome briefing I believe. They will then make their way to the parade square and will be seated for quite a while where they wait for the parade to begin.

Once the parade has concluded, you get to meet and talk with your partner/family for the first time and then you leisurely make your way to the bar area where you can get a drink and relax for a while. You have your photographs taken (for which you will have an allocated time), and that's about it.

The graduation party that evening is not for family or friends unfortunately, or at least it wasn't when I had it!

The arrangement for the days after the graduation will vary. Personally, I would have thought he will go onto SATTs for the week and then go straight to Cosford. You'll need to confirm that with him though. Sorry I can't give you a definite answer.