boyfriend is joining the RAF
i’ve always known that my boyfriend wanted to join but he’s just told me that he applied. now, i know we’re both 16 but (this sounds sooo stupid) im sure he’s the one. he’s told me that he’ll do training for about 2 months and that we will still have contact and that i can move around with him in bases (or something like that i’ve forgotten what he said 😭) but what about my career? im wanting to be a midwife and try and get a degree apprenticeship but surely i cannot do this if i want to move around with him. i love my boyfriend to pieces but there’s so much he hasn’t told me. does any one have any advice.
In all honesty, you're both still really young and your plans for the future will be constantly changing - this is normal. I wouldn't hold back on your dreams /careers because of his plans to join the RAF and you should still pursue this medical course; there will still be opportunity to be together but it will be a little different; the fact that he hasn't told you much about it shows that he is quite focused and serious about it and truthfully I feel that he is being a bit unrealistic by expecting you to go along with all this for him and abandon your own prospects. You guys still have a lot of time and nothing is set in stone, but it would maybe be worth having a conversation about this with him again ,so that you guys both have a mutual understanding of each others' situations and what can be done - I hope everything goes well!
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous #1
i’ve always known that my boyfriend wanted to join but he’s just told me that he applied. now, i know we’re both 16 but (this sounds sooo stupid) im sure he’s the one. he’s told me that he’ll do training for about 2 months and that we will still have contact and that i can move around with him in bases (or something like that i’ve forgotten what he said 😭) but what about my career? im wanting to be a midwife and try and get a degree apprenticeship but surely i cannot do this if i want to move around with him. i love my boyfriend to pieces but there’s so much he hasn’t told me. does any one have any advice.
he aint the one bbg, I remember when my ex wanted to join the army, didn't even tell me, enrolled himself in, ruined both our lives. Now he's an ex
Sit him down and ask.him to tell you exactly what joining up is about, where and how long his training courses are and where he could be working in the future. Its information that is easily available and stuff he should pretty much know.
Thing is, he might not even get in for some time, or not at all. His first training course isn't just 2 months and communication will be difficult as it's restricted and he will be very busy/absolutely knackered. The next course depends on what job he's going for. Once he's in his actual.job he could be doing shifts, weekends, other duties and isn't guaranteed time off when he wants. He may not even get his choice of base or area where he wants to work. He can't deploy at such a young age, either, but could later in his career.
I strongly recommend you follow your own career path. You don't want to be isolated or relying on him to be around or able to support you. You would be able to visit him,under certain circumstances, but you wouldn't be allowed to live with him on base for the foreseeable future as housing is strictly controlled.
Happy to take more questions.
Ex-RAF and ex-RAF Recruiter.
Thing is, he might not even get in for some time, or not at all. His first training course isn't just 2 months and communication will be difficult as it's restricted and he will be very busy/absolutely knackered. The next course depends on what job he's going for. Once he's in his actual.job he could be doing shifts, weekends, other duties and isn't guaranteed time off when he wants. He may not even get his choice of base or area where he wants to work. He can't deploy at such a young age, either, but could later in his career.
I strongly recommend you follow your own career path. You don't want to be isolated or relying on him to be around or able to support you. You would be able to visit him,under certain circumstances, but you wouldn't be allowed to live with him on base for the foreseeable future as housing is strictly controlled.
Happy to take more questions.
Ex-RAF and ex-RAF Recruiter.
Hey Anonymous #1,
First of all, never ever change your career goals for a man! Always put yourself and your goals first; there may be some compromise further down the line but whilst you are both so young, put your heart and soul into becoming a midwife.
Also, do not be 'that' girl that tries to tell their partner not to join the Armed Forces; whether they do or they don't, they will always resent you for it. It's an incredible adventure that civilians just don't understand; he will have friends that you will never meet, banter that you don't get and sometimes he will be away for months at a time enjoying the career that he's chosen.
Lots of couples make it work with one in the military and one a civilian, but it requires a good level of understanding from both parties. At 16 there is no guarantee you'll even be together in a year, 5 years etc so don't ruin both your lives by trying to stop either of you following your dreams!
When I was younger my parents thought I was going to avoid joining the military because of my fiance at the time. I was always going to go ahead with joining but they didn't know that. I can't tell you how glad I am that I just got on with my chosen career path: he turned into a financially and emotionally abusive bully who ended up hanging himself 'because I broke up with him'. Apparently. Relationships are a part of your life, but having a career you enjoy is so imoortant because you spend more time with your work colleagues than your family!
Best of luck, hope it all works out and you both get the jobs you are aiming for and manage to stay together
Kind Regards
Billie
First of all, never ever change your career goals for a man! Always put yourself and your goals first; there may be some compromise further down the line but whilst you are both so young, put your heart and soul into becoming a midwife.
Also, do not be 'that' girl that tries to tell their partner not to join the Armed Forces; whether they do or they don't, they will always resent you for it. It's an incredible adventure that civilians just don't understand; he will have friends that you will never meet, banter that you don't get and sometimes he will be away for months at a time enjoying the career that he's chosen.
Lots of couples make it work with one in the military and one a civilian, but it requires a good level of understanding from both parties. At 16 there is no guarantee you'll even be together in a year, 5 years etc so don't ruin both your lives by trying to stop either of you following your dreams!
When I was younger my parents thought I was going to avoid joining the military because of my fiance at the time. I was always going to go ahead with joining but they didn't know that. I can't tell you how glad I am that I just got on with my chosen career path: he turned into a financially and emotionally abusive bully who ended up hanging himself 'because I broke up with him'. Apparently. Relationships are a part of your life, but having a career you enjoy is so imoortant because you spend more time with your work colleagues than your family!
Best of luck, hope it all works out and you both get the jobs you are aiming for and manage to stay together
Kind Regards
Billie
Reply 6
It’s over
Original post by Anonymous #1
i’ve always known that my boyfriend wanted to join but he’s just told me that he applied. now, i know we’re both 16 but (this sounds sooo stupid) im sure he’s the one. he’s told me that he’ll do training for about 2 months and that we will still have contact and that i can move around with him in bases (or something like that i’ve forgotten what he said 😭) but what about my career? im wanting to be a midwife and try and get a degree apprenticeship but surely i cannot do this if i want to move around with him. i love my boyfriend to pieces but there’s so much he hasn’t told me. does any one have any advice.
My dad joined the RAF around a similar age, my mum was and still is a Nurse (ACP now). When they first got together they had a long distant relationship for a little while, but my mum moved in the end, luckily with the NHS if you are good at what you do the NHS is all over the country. Im not exactly sure how high in demand midwifery is in comparison to nursing, but my point is if you both want things to work out it will work out. It will take compromise, and potentially some times of tension, but its far from impossible.
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