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Failing Medical School... and struggling

I’m in 1st Year, but I’ve failed my exams (it was my last chance to pass). I can’t move onto 2nd Year, I didn’t even revise for them, I existed in this dissociated and apathetic state. I have depression/anxiety/chronic illness. I’m ill (so much pain), my parents will be so disappointed about med school, my ambitions/dreams ruined, my self-esteem destroyed (knowing I’m capable/intelligent but never fulfilling it due to this apathy of letting disasters happen).

I am seriously considering running away to some place far away (e.g. book a ticket, survive, even if on the streets). Or being sectioned and being in a hospital for a long time. I just don’t want to face anyone.

I don’t know what to do...

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 1

HHaricot

Original post by MadamMelancholy

Ring the Samaritans. They are always there to talk to. Ring your parents, they are always there to talk to. Go to your GP, or go to A and E if you are desperate. Is there a crisis team at university if you are there? Go find help. In the flesh, real help.

You are ill, you are not a failure. Your parents will love and support you [well, I imagine they will, I haven’t met them,] as you as a person are far more important to them then any career aspiration is.

be kind to yourself. You are valuable.
life can suck at times, it can go wrong. This makes you human, fallible, but most of all, in need of love and help.

i hope that the GP/ A and E can start treatment, that the medical school can determine that you have special circs that are health related, that perhaps you can take some time out and then restart. And i am hoping that the loving support of family helps you see more clearly your self worth and aids your recovery so that you are well enough to make decisions that will suit you.
so dont run away, dont make your life harder, ring your parents and let them take care of you until you are stronger.

Reply 2

junior.doctor

Original post by MadamMelancholy

I don’t know what to do...

Lovely person. I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. It’s so, so awful, and so isolating and lonely isn’t it. I’ve not been exactly where you are - but similar, having failed a med school resit and been told I had to leave and thinking it was all over. My story did end differently in the end. But even now, nearly 15 years on, I can remember vividly the despair and humiliation and feeling like such a failure.

You are NOT a failure. And lonely though it feels right now, you are far from alone and this happens to many people. Right now it feels like the end of the world - and you need time and space to grieve, ideally with some understanding people around you. But this WILL eventually start to get better, and there IS life away from med school. Even though right now, running away or isolating yourself feels like the only option, please believe me this is not the answer. You still have an identity beyond being a medical student, even though this may feel like the only thing that’s defined you in recent times as you’ve strived to get to med school and then been there. You have value and worth as the person that you are.

Please be brave and reach out to someone. Friends, relatives, professionals - whoever. Please be honest with someone about what’s happening and how you’re feeling. Personally I didn’t feel able to tell my family for a very long time, and they never knew the full story, but I managed to reach out to some friends. It felt awful initially, telling them, and I felt so ashamed - but they were there for me, they didn’t see me as a failure, they only wanted to help. And I was glad I did.

Please take care of yourself. And please message me if it would help.

Reply 3

isletofLangerCan

Hello there,I was in your situation when I was in first year too. I failed every exam we took that year, but somehow scraped it together in the resit. This is one of those things that med students and doctors wont talk about. I don't know why- because every year at every university it happens at least one person, if not a few. You only know your results you don't know how everyone else in your class is coping with this. Please don't run away. Do whatever it takes to help yourself get better.You mention your parents- nobody minds as much as you do yourself. Plus you are only in first year- give this 5 years and nobody will even remember the modules they took in first year, never mind what anyone else got.You said yourself you weren't really able to study- so don't worry about the results- all they show is that you didn't/weren't able to study, they don't reflect on your ability or aptitude for medicine at all.I remember scouring the internet for someone else had failed when this happened to me, but I promise you this is just a hiccup. In first year I failed seven modules, and now in final year (results in the top half of my class), I havent failed one module since then.Take care of yourself, and the medicine and the exams and resits will look after themselves. If you were clever enough to get into medical school, youre clever enough to get out of medical school :smile: