Comparing myself to others constantly
I just want to preface this by saying I'm not a jealous person by nature or at least, I don't think I am. I'm genuinely so happy for the people I love when something good happens for them or they succeed in something. Even people I'm not too close with - or people I may dislike - I wish them the best and hope they achieve their goals and happiness. But recently, I've been feeling a little insecure when I see certain things online.
E.g. I see a pretty girl with flawless skin and beautiful features and I start feeling insecure about my own appearance. I see girls with the bodies I want and I resent myself for not being at that stage yet despite working out. I see people posting themselves on holiday abroad in beautiful warm countries looking like they're having the time of their lives and I wish it could be me. I might see a vid of someone driving, or talking whilst in their car, and I wish I coukd drive. I might even see something that I have no interest in, yet I get insanely jealous that I can't do/have that.
It's not that I don't want others to have these things, not at all. I'm so happy for everyone who's out there living their best lives. It's just that I don't understand why everyone seems to have it set when I don't, and why that makes me feel so sh*tty. I know I can't go on holiday with my family at the moment for financial reasons. I know I can't drive because I don't have a car, or even a license (despite my parents promising to teach me). I know that I can't go out with my friends because I'm a young Muslim girl with overprotective (or is it overcontrolling?) parents. But I'm just so sick of my boring, monotonous life, stuck at home with nothing but Netflix and the occassional visits from friends whilst everyone I know has way more freedom and opportunities than me. I know the obvious answer is to delete social media/unfollow accounts that make me feel this way but I already have! The only thing I have left is TikTok and that's so I can occasionally watch a few funny/interesting vids from creators I like, but I still feel this way. And yes I know people don't always post their mundane moments, they only post their highlight reels, but even their mundane moments are way more interesting than mine so that doesn't help! It's making me resent my life, which in turn makes me resent my parents. The worst part is I know I shouldn't feel this way, shouldn't be so bitter, but I genuinely can't help it and it's making me sick. I hate my lifestyle and then I hate myself for feeling that way when there are people out there with real problems who would probably do anything to be in my situation yet here I am complaining. It's a vicious cycle and I desperately want it to end. I'm so ashamed of myself that I can't even share this with any of my loved ones, so I have to remain anonymous on here too. I know this is so long but I need help. If anyone has been in a similar position or has tips that are actually helpful then please do share. I just can't keep going on like this, it's so draining.
E.g. I see a pretty girl with flawless skin and beautiful features and I start feeling insecure about my own appearance. I see girls with the bodies I want and I resent myself for not being at that stage yet despite working out. I see people posting themselves on holiday abroad in beautiful warm countries looking like they're having the time of their lives and I wish it could be me. I might see a vid of someone driving, or talking whilst in their car, and I wish I coukd drive. I might even see something that I have no interest in, yet I get insanely jealous that I can't do/have that.
It's not that I don't want others to have these things, not at all. I'm so happy for everyone who's out there living their best lives. It's just that I don't understand why everyone seems to have it set when I don't, and why that makes me feel so sh*tty. I know I can't go on holiday with my family at the moment for financial reasons. I know I can't drive because I don't have a car, or even a license (despite my parents promising to teach me). I know that I can't go out with my friends because I'm a young Muslim girl with overprotective (or is it overcontrolling?) parents. But I'm just so sick of my boring, monotonous life, stuck at home with nothing but Netflix and the occassional visits from friends whilst everyone I know has way more freedom and opportunities than me. I know the obvious answer is to delete social media/unfollow accounts that make me feel this way but I already have! The only thing I have left is TikTok and that's so I can occasionally watch a few funny/interesting vids from creators I like, but I still feel this way. And yes I know people don't always post their mundane moments, they only post their highlight reels, but even their mundane moments are way more interesting than mine so that doesn't help! It's making me resent my life, which in turn makes me resent my parents. The worst part is I know I shouldn't feel this way, shouldn't be so bitter, but I genuinely can't help it and it's making me sick. I hate my lifestyle and then I hate myself for feeling that way when there are people out there with real problems who would probably do anything to be in my situation yet here I am complaining. It's a vicious cycle and I desperately want it to end. I'm so ashamed of myself that I can't even share this with any of my loved ones, so I have to remain anonymous on here too. I know this is so long but I need help. If anyone has been in a similar position or has tips that are actually helpful then please do share. I just can't keep going on like this, it's so draining.
Original post by Anonymous
I just want to preface this by saying I'm not a jealous person by nature or at least, I don't think I am. I'm genuinely so happy for the people I love when something good happens for them or they succeed in something. Even people I'm not too close with - or people I may dislike - I wish them the best and hope they achieve their goals and happiness. But recently, I've been feeling a little insecure when I see certain things online.
E.g. I see a pretty girl with flawless skin and beautiful features and I start feeling insecure about my own appearance. I see girls with the bodies I want and I resent myself for not being at that stage yet despite working out. I see people posting themselves on holiday abroad in beautiful warm countries looking like they're having the time of their lives and I wish it could be me. I might see a vid of someone driving, or talking whilst in their car, and I wish I coukd drive. I might even see something that I have no interest in, yet I get insanely jealous that I can't do/have that.
It's not that I don't want others to have these things, not at all. I'm so happy for everyone who's out there living their best lives. It's just that I don't understand why everyone seems to have it set when I don't, and why that makes me feel so sh*tty. I know I can't go on holiday with my family at the moment for financial reasons. I know I can't drive because I don't have a car, or even a license (despite my parents promising to teach me). I know that I can't go out with my friends because I'm a young Muslim girl with overprotective (or is it overcontrolling?) parents. But I'm just so sick of my boring, monotonous life, stuck at home with nothing but Netflix and the occassional visits from friends whilst everyone I know has way more freedom and opportunities than me. I know the obvious answer is to delete social media/unfollow accounts that make me feel this way but I already have! The only thing I have left is TikTok and that's so I can occasionally watch a few funny/interesting vids from creators I like, but I still feel this way. And yes I know people don't always post their mundane moments, they only post their highlight reels, but even their mundane moments are way more interesting than mine so that doesn't help! It's making me resent my life, which in turn makes me resent my parents. The worst part is I know I shouldn't feel this way, shouldn't be so bitter, but I genuinely can't help it and it's making me sick. I hate my lifestyle and then I hate myself for feeling that way when there are people out there with real problems who would probably do anything to be in my situation yet here I am complaining. It's a vicious cycle and I desperately want it to end. I'm so ashamed of myself that I can't even share this with any of my loved ones, so I have to remain anonymous on here too. I know this is so long but I need help. If anyone has been in a similar position or has tips that are actually helpful then please do share. I just can't keep going on like this, it's so draining.
E.g. I see a pretty girl with flawless skin and beautiful features and I start feeling insecure about my own appearance. I see girls with the bodies I want and I resent myself for not being at that stage yet despite working out. I see people posting themselves on holiday abroad in beautiful warm countries looking like they're having the time of their lives and I wish it could be me. I might see a vid of someone driving, or talking whilst in their car, and I wish I coukd drive. I might even see something that I have no interest in, yet I get insanely jealous that I can't do/have that.
It's not that I don't want others to have these things, not at all. I'm so happy for everyone who's out there living their best lives. It's just that I don't understand why everyone seems to have it set when I don't, and why that makes me feel so sh*tty. I know I can't go on holiday with my family at the moment for financial reasons. I know I can't drive because I don't have a car, or even a license (despite my parents promising to teach me). I know that I can't go out with my friends because I'm a young Muslim girl with overprotective (or is it overcontrolling?) parents. But I'm just so sick of my boring, monotonous life, stuck at home with nothing but Netflix and the occassional visits from friends whilst everyone I know has way more freedom and opportunities than me. I know the obvious answer is to delete social media/unfollow accounts that make me feel this way but I already have! The only thing I have left is TikTok and that's so I can occasionally watch a few funny/interesting vids from creators I like, but I still feel this way. And yes I know people don't always post their mundane moments, they only post their highlight reels, but even their mundane moments are way more interesting than mine so that doesn't help! It's making me resent my life, which in turn makes me resent my parents. The worst part is I know I shouldn't feel this way, shouldn't be so bitter, but I genuinely can't help it and it's making me sick. I hate my lifestyle and then I hate myself for feeling that way when there are people out there with real problems who would probably do anything to be in my situation yet here I am complaining. It's a vicious cycle and I desperately want it to end. I'm so ashamed of myself that I can't even share this with any of my loved ones, so I have to remain anonymous on here too. I know this is so long but I need help. If anyone has been in a similar position or has tips that are actually helpful then please do share. I just can't keep going on like this, it's so draining.
Hi there,
I’ve been in and out of a similar situation to you too many times to count and I know how frustrating it can be to scroll online and compare yourself to anyone and everyone.
Like you said, the key thing to remember is that everything online is a small snippet of a much bigger picture, and more likely than not, the people who you compare yourselves too, also feel insecure about parts of their lives too. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing your life and feeling like you’re stuck. Sometimes, we get so focussed on the ‘negatives’ that we forget about the positive parts of our lives too. I know it’s easier said than done to just stop comparing ourselves, but here’s a few things I try to do to make myself feel better…
I try to not spend as much time on social media, or when I do, I now follow accounts that I feel add positive content to my life. I follow lots of body positive influencers, creatives, and independent businesses, so that I feel like I’m in a safe environment looking at positive content online.
I’ve also tried to fit in some new hobbies into my life too, and it doesn’t matter if you try new activities and you don’t like them, or you’re not very good to start with. You’re occupying your mind and trying new things, and no matter how small they may seem, they might distract you from thinking negatively and you can instead look at all the new things you can accomplish.
Also, remember that it’s okay to scroll through TikTok and do absolutely nothing from time to time! Rest is good, and just because you might be sat in bed scrolling online, doesn’t mean you’re not as successful or productive or have a worse life than anyone else.
Just remember that most of us are in the same boat, comparing our lifestyles, but don’t be too hard on yourself! Be kind to yourself, even though you might not be doing what someone else doing, you are just as valid and worthy.
I hope this helps and please drop a message if you’d like to chat some more,
Emily
Student Ambassador at BCU
Original post by BCU Student Rep
Hi there,
I’ve been in and out of a similar situation to you too many times to count and I know how frustrating it can be to scroll online and compare yourself to anyone and everyone.
Like you said, the key thing to remember is that everything online is a small snippet of a much bigger picture, and more likely than not, the people who you compare yourselves too, also feel insecure about parts of their lives too. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing your life and feeling like you’re stuck. Sometimes, we get so focussed on the ‘negatives’ that we forget about the positive parts of our lives too. I know it’s easier said than done to just stop comparing ourselves, but here’s a few things I try to do to make myself feel better…
I try to not spend as much time on social media, or when I do, I now follow accounts that I feel add positive content to my life. I follow lots of body positive influencers, creatives, and independent businesses, so that I feel like I’m in a safe environment looking at positive content online.
I’ve also tried to fit in some new hobbies into my life too, and it doesn’t matter if you try new activities and you don’t like them, or you’re not very good to start with. You’re occupying your mind and trying new things, and no matter how small they may seem, they might distract you from thinking negatively and you can instead look at all the new things you can accomplish.
Also, remember that it’s okay to scroll through TikTok and do absolutely nothing from time to time! Rest is good, and just because you might be sat in bed scrolling online, doesn’t mean you’re not as successful or productive or have a worse life than anyone else.
Just remember that most of us are in the same boat, comparing our lifestyles, but don’t be too hard on yourself! Be kind to yourself, even though you might not be doing what someone else doing, you are just as valid and worthy.
I hope this helps and please drop a message if you’d like to chat some more,
Emily
Student Ambassador at BCU
I’ve been in and out of a similar situation to you too many times to count and I know how frustrating it can be to scroll online and compare yourself to anyone and everyone.
Like you said, the key thing to remember is that everything online is a small snippet of a much bigger picture, and more likely than not, the people who you compare yourselves too, also feel insecure about parts of their lives too. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing your life and feeling like you’re stuck. Sometimes, we get so focussed on the ‘negatives’ that we forget about the positive parts of our lives too. I know it’s easier said than done to just stop comparing ourselves, but here’s a few things I try to do to make myself feel better…
I try to not spend as much time on social media, or when I do, I now follow accounts that I feel add positive content to my life. I follow lots of body positive influencers, creatives, and independent businesses, so that I feel like I’m in a safe environment looking at positive content online.
I’ve also tried to fit in some new hobbies into my life too, and it doesn’t matter if you try new activities and you don’t like them, or you’re not very good to start with. You’re occupying your mind and trying new things, and no matter how small they may seem, they might distract you from thinking negatively and you can instead look at all the new things you can accomplish.
Also, remember that it’s okay to scroll through TikTok and do absolutely nothing from time to time! Rest is good, and just because you might be sat in bed scrolling online, doesn’t mean you’re not as successful or productive or have a worse life than anyone else.
Just remember that most of us are in the same boat, comparing our lifestyles, but don’t be too hard on yourself! Be kind to yourself, even though you might not be doing what someone else doing, you are just as valid and worthy.
I hope this helps and please drop a message if you’d like to chat some more,
Emily
Student Ambassador at BCU
Thank you so much for your response, it really helps to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Yes you're absolutely correct but the thing is it's so easy to be aware of the fact in the back of your mind without it actually registering, if that makes sense. And like you said, it is a LOT easier said than done. Even when I do manage to ignore my insecurities and stop all my comparisons for a while, something always happens that causes me to fall back into my toxic old patterns.
You say you have created a safe environment for yourself online which is great, but when I tried to do that for myself I found that I still experienced these negative feelings, albeit a lot less frequently. Could there be somethinf I'm still doing wrong? For example, I recently saw a video on TikTok where a girl I follow was talking about how she wants go back to her home country (same as mine) and I remembered I haven't been back in years whilst others are able to go and it just made me tear up a bit. Do you have any advice for how I could avoid these situations, or the negative emotions that stem from them?
The hobbies bit is a good idea - thanks! It does get a bit tricky when life gets busy but I am trying to slowly get back into some of my old hobbies. They used to me happy and occupied so maybe that's just what I need.
Yes exactly, it's so easy to beat yourself up because you feel like you're not quite who/where you want to be in life. Like sometimes I check my screentime and I realise I spent hours on my phone in one day and get so annoyed with myself for not being more productive or doing something better with my time. Or I eat too much junk over the weekends and get mad at myself for not having better self-control and working out as often as I should. But I heard this quote earlier that goes something like 'comparison is the thief of joy' and it just really resonated with me because it's so true, I would be far happier if I just focussed on myself and my successes rather than comparing myself to others in every possible way and putting myself down for it.
Your post served as a very important reminder for me today so I just want to thank you again for taking the time out of your day to respond to me and give me tips to overcome this issue. Thank you for helping me feel less alone too, I really appreciate it. I know I won't be instantly fixed after this but hopefully with a bit of time and effort, I can become more confident and happy with myself and my life. I hope you have a lovely evening and a wonderful summer.
