Having doubts about doing my PGCE.

I am due to begin my PGCE in secondary education in September to train as a history teacher, however, over the last few months I have been having significant doubts about whether I even want to do it anymore. I have been working as a teaching assistant/cover supervisor in a variety of secondary schools since last September and prior to that I was a TEFL teacher in China from 2019 to 2022.

During my time in China, I was mostly working with kindergarten aged children. At this point in my life, I had no teaching experience whatsoever with any age group so I felt very much like I was thrown in at the deep end. However, it didn't take me long to adapt because I quickly discovered that I loved working with young children and teaching them basic life skills as well as fun subjects like science, arts etc. which gave me a huge sense of fulfilment. For the first time in a very long time in my life, I felt like I had finally found something that I was not only good at but also gave me a sense of purpose. After three years (minus 8 months where I briefly came back home because of the COVID pandemic) I made the decision to return to the UK permanently and apply to do my PGCE so that I could properly qualify as a teacher.

Since coming back to the UK, I have mostly been working in a variety of secondary schools, because my initial thoughts about going into education were that I wanted to teach history since it is my favourite subject. I have both a BA and an MA in the subject and the prospect of working with older students originally attracted me because I wanted to share my knowledge and passion for the subject with them. Also, in order to do a primary school PGCE, I would have to resit my GCSE in Maths or find an acceptable alternative equivalent other than Functional Skills to meet the entry requirements (the university I'm due to do my PGCE for said they would accept me with FS Maths for secondary but I didn't check for primary).

However, while there have been times where I have liked some of the work I've been doing in secondary schools, they have been few and far between and for the most part it has caused me to seriously doubt whether I even want to go into education at all anymore. I just don't feel the same level of passion and/or sense of vocation working with secondary school kids anywhere near as much as I did when I was working with young kids in China. Plus, I have been sent over my pre-course subject specific tasks to complete by the university today, where I have to grade my subject knowledge according to the National Curriculum. Since I graduated from university with my MA in 2018, to be honest my historical knowledge is not what it used to be because I moved to China not long after graduation so I never really had to use it that much. I still like the subject and reading about various different topics in my own time, but as I was scrolling through the list of subject topics and being asked to grade my knowledge, I almost had a panic attack because I felt like I was completely out of my depth.

Furthermore, on top of all this, most of the secondary schools I have been working in, I have had a lot of negative experiences in terms of dealing with behaviour (which I know comes with the job) and just general dysfunctionality. I've worked in a handful of schools in socially deprived areas where a lot of times I felt more like I was working in a borstal rather than a school. My aunt is a retired psychiatric nurse who worked mainly with teenagers and she tells me stories of incidents that she has dealt with and tries to give me strategies to help reassure me about dealing with this side of the job. However, most of the time they just fill me with anxiety because I just don't feel like I have the ironclad emotional stamina for that side of the work. I understand a lot of the problems and dysfunction that the UK education system has at the moment, I keep up with the news about the crises with teacher recruitment and retention, so it's not like I walked into the situation completely blind; but the truth is I just feel incredibly drained and on the verge of burning out.

The only thing that is keeping me from making a decision at the moment is that I don't really have a safety net in terms of a Plan B, because I was so determined after coming back from China to pursue teaching that I didn't bother thinking of an alternative career choice. I don't really know what other career options I could pursue instead, because I've mostly been focused on education based jobs since 2019. I have some money saved from my time in China and I live at home, so if I were to leave education I would not be putting myself at immediate financial risk. I would have some breathing room to consider alternative careers, however, the thought of starting from square one again just fills me with dread.

I would consider going back to teach abroad again if the opportunity came up, which is one of the main reasons why I still want to pursue my PGCE, because it will give me the security of being a properly qualified teacher. I have a few friends living abroad who keep me posted about opportunities here and there, but at the same time I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket. At this point - in the short term at least - I would honestly even consider going back to stacking shelves which I did for three years before I went to China while also doing my MA, and maybe get a volunteer job on the side working with young kids as a hobby. I'm thinking that would give me the same sense of fulfilment without the responsibility of being essentially a surrogate parent which is what a teacher is. I think the best way to describe my frame of mind at the moment is that I feel like I want to be like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty (hear me out) where he quits his soulless white-collar job and applies for the fast food drive-through job because he's looking for, "the least possible amount of responsibility".

Anyway, I think I've ranted for long enough and explained in detail my predicaments. If anyone has any help or advice I would very much appreciate it. Thanks

Hi there,

I am a second year Primary ed student at YSJ university. I am sorry to hear about your predicament but it also sounds like you have had some really great experiences and teaching is such a rewarding career that it would be a shame to miss out on the opportunity. I think that while it sounds silly, perhaps you could make a pros and cons list to really help put your choices into perspective. It sounds like you really enjoyed working with children and teaching, but history is your passion. I think that since you would be able to be financially stable for a while, you may want to defer your PGCE for a year, and try volunteering in a secondary and a primary school to find out what suits you best.

I wish you the best of luck with your career and hope that you find what makes you happy.

Best wishes,
Rachel- YSJ student rep

Hello

Thank you for your reply. I finally decided to withdraw from the course for his year and I'm now working as a TA in a local primary school. So far it's been good, but I don't want to jump the gun before making my choice about which route to ultimately go down. I just wanted to update you since you were the only reply to this question.

Thanks again!