PGCE Blues - Think I made a mistake applying?
I’ve been reading a couple ‘PGCE horror story’ threads on here and now I’m in a sixth week I just wanted to share mine. Except… it’s not my mentor, or my tutor… it’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me :P
Basically applying for a PGCE was a stupid decision on my part for two big reasons:
I’m 21 and have ZERO teaching experience, or real world experience in general. I graduated from uni and was on this course a month later. A lot of the other teachers at my placement have this very ‘aw dear’ tone in their voice when they talk to me because they think I’m immature, timid and out-of-my-depth. I don’t even blame them because they are 100% right.
I’ve had diagnosed depression/social anxiety since when I was in secondary school myself. I don’t take meds, seen my fair share of therapists (who are a waste of time imo) and it’s a constant struggle to get basic **** done. The first four weeks of my PGCE I was overconfident and really enjoying myself, feeling like I was nailing the role. Week 5 I was told in no less than three separate meetings I was way, way behind all the other trainees and got put down to doing just halves of lessons. They said it’s because I had obvious confidence issues which threw me for a loop because I was at *max* confidence trying to overcompensate for my anxiety.
I took it a bit personally and it’s triggered this depressive phase for the last two weeks where I’ve shut down massively and don’t really care. This isn’t unique to the PGCE at all and I am not blaming my mentor/tutor etc. for this.
I contemplate quitting (the PGCE and life in general) multiple times a day and I just feel so lost on what I want to do with myself. Maybe I should just get a repetitive desk job where I can hide behind a cubicle all day and the workload can actually be completed during work hours and not on my weekends.
I obviously don’t want to quit because I know the PGCE could open up a lot of paths for me and I actually love the students and talking to them individually is where I feel I really shine. I wish I’d started as a teaching assistant or done tutoring before jumping headfirst into this.
Didn’t have any point with this post except to share some of my thoughts about it in case other PGCE people are feeling the same way and if any one else is in a similar boat with the mental health/maturity anxieties. - MrBateman
Basically applying for a PGCE was a stupid decision on my part for two big reasons:
I’m 21 and have ZERO teaching experience, or real world experience in general. I graduated from uni and was on this course a month later. A lot of the other teachers at my placement have this very ‘aw dear’ tone in their voice when they talk to me because they think I’m immature, timid and out-of-my-depth. I don’t even blame them because they are 100% right.
I’ve had diagnosed depression/social anxiety since when I was in secondary school myself. I don’t take meds, seen my fair share of therapists (who are a waste of time imo) and it’s a constant struggle to get basic **** done. The first four weeks of my PGCE I was overconfident and really enjoying myself, feeling like I was nailing the role. Week 5 I was told in no less than three separate meetings I was way, way behind all the other trainees and got put down to doing just halves of lessons. They said it’s because I had obvious confidence issues which threw me for a loop because I was at *max* confidence trying to overcompensate for my anxiety.
I took it a bit personally and it’s triggered this depressive phase for the last two weeks where I’ve shut down massively and don’t really care. This isn’t unique to the PGCE at all and I am not blaming my mentor/tutor etc. for this.
I contemplate quitting (the PGCE and life in general) multiple times a day and I just feel so lost on what I want to do with myself. Maybe I should just get a repetitive desk job where I can hide behind a cubicle all day and the workload can actually be completed during work hours and not on my weekends.
I obviously don’t want to quit because I know the PGCE could open up a lot of paths for me and I actually love the students and talking to them individually is where I feel I really shine. I wish I’d started as a teaching assistant or done tutoring before jumping headfirst into this.
Didn’t have any point with this post except to share some of my thoughts about it in case other PGCE people are feeling the same way and if any one else is in a similar boat with the mental health/maturity anxieties. - MrBateman
You blame all of this on your depression and social anxiety? You state you still want to gain the qualification?
If you quit you get nothing for sure
So listen carefully to the feedback that is given to you. Understand what is being said and then change your approach accordingly. That is why you are on a course. If you had all the skills to start with you wouldn't need to be on a course, but the UK education system demands it. Know that you need to amend your lesson plans. Your lesson content won't all be bad, neither is your 'performance' all bad. But that is what you are programmed to hear. Just the bad. Get on with this and change the plan and try again. Change, tweak, do something different to your lesson plans and still enjoy the course. What have you got to lose?
Most of the students on your course I am sure will have zero experience of teaching, either in adult education or with children. The theories put over in the PGCE's are just that - theories. They are not necessarily the best way of maximising knowledge. Try amending your lesson plans. If the clap trap pushed onto you during the course works and your students ace the subjects etc etc then stick with it. If they don't change your teaching style after you finish the course. But all the PGCE content wants you to do is teach in a prescribed manner like a meat grinder. Just do it, don't disappear in your own cloud of self doubt. Give it a go because if you fall off your horse and don't get back in the saddle, not only do you go nowhere on your PGCE, you have a recipe for failure. A pattern of reaction to failure which will not help you at all and will be lifelong.
Then get some help dealing with your anxiety - you might be too late for accessing your Uni support services unless the PGCE course is underpinned by them? Use the MIND website. Either way you can change your learned approach to coping with life, and gain more confidence going forward.
If you quit you get nothing for sure
So listen carefully to the feedback that is given to you. Understand what is being said and then change your approach accordingly. That is why you are on a course. If you had all the skills to start with you wouldn't need to be on a course, but the UK education system demands it. Know that you need to amend your lesson plans. Your lesson content won't all be bad, neither is your 'performance' all bad. But that is what you are programmed to hear. Just the bad. Get on with this and change the plan and try again. Change, tweak, do something different to your lesson plans and still enjoy the course. What have you got to lose?
Most of the students on your course I am sure will have zero experience of teaching, either in adult education or with children. The theories put over in the PGCE's are just that - theories. They are not necessarily the best way of maximising knowledge. Try amending your lesson plans. If the clap trap pushed onto you during the course works and your students ace the subjects etc etc then stick with it. If they don't change your teaching style after you finish the course. But all the PGCE content wants you to do is teach in a prescribed manner like a meat grinder. Just do it, don't disappear in your own cloud of self doubt. Give it a go because if you fall off your horse and don't get back in the saddle, not only do you go nowhere on your PGCE, you have a recipe for failure. A pattern of reaction to failure which will not help you at all and will be lifelong.
Then get some help dealing with your anxiety - you might be too late for accessing your Uni support services unless the PGCE course is underpinned by them? Use the MIND website. Either way you can change your learned approach to coping with life, and gain more confidence going forward.
This isn’t me trying to put you off, this is just my personal circumstance with the course.
Put it this way, I did (never completed though) a PGCE course as the university provided ZERO support for me. This was at Brighton uni.
Just for context, I graduated from UWE having done a degree in Biomedical Science.
I initially started in 2018 (Secondary PGCE Biology) having gained a TINY bit of experience in being a TA on my Wednesday afternoons as I had them off in lectures. Started out fairly well (the theory) albeit I questioned a lot of teaching methodologies such as “are the students meant to be taught like a garden where they are allowed to grow into what they want to be with help or do we prune them into what they need to be?” Kinda crap…
Anyway, I remember in my first year, I initially left at Christmas as I thought “maybe it’s just a bad year, maybe I’ll try again next year” with some advice from my lecturer and my teacher tutor. Essentially I hated the course because I was working 12 hour days, 6 days per week and still being told I wasn’t good enough… and being informed that if I were to go back next year, no strings attached and I would have a clean slate. I was also basically given the choice of no choice here (essentially kicked off the course or leave and come back next year).
So I go back next year (September 2019) and find out that my lecturer (yes he was a complete ass), was also given the choice of no choice (basically retire or be fired, his choice) as he’d received a NUMBER of complaints about him (I didn’t make one but wish I’d had) with people leaving the course because the university had been informed of workplace bullying but did absolutely nothing as they were partnered with these schools to the point where they lost tonnes of students. Thing is, I am then informed that I am to be given a 3 week learning contract (so much for no strings…) where, if I didn’t show enough progress within 3 weeks in placement as I was “experienced”, I would be made to leave the course… this was a massive hit to me…
So, long story short, come Christmas it happens again and I go to my teaching tutor in the school for help and he just walks off without saying a word. I leave having my BS contract come to an end and not showing enough progress… honestly wish I’d made a honest review online of Brighton’s teaching course as it supposedly has high standards of teaching… load of crap! So, come December 2019, I leave the course in its entirety and tbh, couldn’t be happier that I did!
(Below is post leaving my teaching course, so if you want, don’t read further)
Albeit I’ll admit I was unemployed for a year as I leave in the year COVID-19 was discovered but still, yes I applies to loads of jobs but the “no experience” crap came into it (I was applying for a bottom of the barrel role as a medical lab assistant). Come December 2020, I get lucky I get offered a role as an MLA in the Lighthouse Labs and 3 months after starting, get promoted to an Associate Practitioner and stayed in that role for 3 years (well, technically minus a 2 month gap when Boris Johnson closed them but the lab reopened and brought back their top 10% of people, with me staying on happily!) and even got offered my IBMS portfolio (needed to be legally registered as a Biomedical Scientist in the country).
I am now doing my MSc in Biomedical Science as I know i’ll need it in the future (or gain 10 years experience in the field, I would prefer to save myself several years…) with the intention of going back to my old job and hopefully being promoted with better qualifications and state registration!
Long story short, I’m a lot happier now than I ever was teaching!
Put it this way, I did (never completed though) a PGCE course as the university provided ZERO support for me. This was at Brighton uni.
Just for context, I graduated from UWE having done a degree in Biomedical Science.
I initially started in 2018 (Secondary PGCE Biology) having gained a TINY bit of experience in being a TA on my Wednesday afternoons as I had them off in lectures. Started out fairly well (the theory) albeit I questioned a lot of teaching methodologies such as “are the students meant to be taught like a garden where they are allowed to grow into what they want to be with help or do we prune them into what they need to be?” Kinda crap…
Anyway, I remember in my first year, I initially left at Christmas as I thought “maybe it’s just a bad year, maybe I’ll try again next year” with some advice from my lecturer and my teacher tutor. Essentially I hated the course because I was working 12 hour days, 6 days per week and still being told I wasn’t good enough… and being informed that if I were to go back next year, no strings attached and I would have a clean slate. I was also basically given the choice of no choice here (essentially kicked off the course or leave and come back next year).
So I go back next year (September 2019) and find out that my lecturer (yes he was a complete ass), was also given the choice of no choice (basically retire or be fired, his choice) as he’d received a NUMBER of complaints about him (I didn’t make one but wish I’d had) with people leaving the course because the university had been informed of workplace bullying but did absolutely nothing as they were partnered with these schools to the point where they lost tonnes of students. Thing is, I am then informed that I am to be given a 3 week learning contract (so much for no strings…) where, if I didn’t show enough progress within 3 weeks in placement as I was “experienced”, I would be made to leave the course… this was a massive hit to me…
So, long story short, come Christmas it happens again and I go to my teaching tutor in the school for help and he just walks off without saying a word. I leave having my BS contract come to an end and not showing enough progress… honestly wish I’d made a honest review online of Brighton’s teaching course as it supposedly has high standards of teaching… load of crap! So, come December 2019, I leave the course in its entirety and tbh, couldn’t be happier that I did!
(Below is post leaving my teaching course, so if you want, don’t read further)
Albeit I’ll admit I was unemployed for a year as I leave in the year COVID-19 was discovered but still, yes I applies to loads of jobs but the “no experience” crap came into it (I was applying for a bottom of the barrel role as a medical lab assistant). Come December 2020, I get lucky I get offered a role as an MLA in the Lighthouse Labs and 3 months after starting, get promoted to an Associate Practitioner and stayed in that role for 3 years (well, technically minus a 2 month gap when Boris Johnson closed them but the lab reopened and brought back their top 10% of people, with me staying on happily!) and even got offered my IBMS portfolio (needed to be legally registered as a Biomedical Scientist in the country).
I am now doing my MSc in Biomedical Science as I know i’ll need it in the future (or gain 10 years experience in the field, I would prefer to save myself several years…) with the intention of going back to my old job and hopefully being promoted with better qualifications and state registration!
Long story short, I’m a lot happier now than I ever was teaching!
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by MrBateman
I’ve been reading a couple ‘PGCE horror story’ threads on here and now I’m in a sixth week I just wanted to share mine. Except… it’s not my mentor, or my tutor… it’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me :P
Basically applying for a PGCE was a stupid decision on my part for two big reasons:
I’m 21 and have ZERO teaching experience, or real world experience in general. I graduated from uni and was on this course a month later. A lot of the other teachers at my placement have this very ‘aw dear’ tone in their voice when they talk to me because they think I’m immature, timid and out-of-my-depth. I don’t even blame them because they are 100% right.
I’ve had diagnosed depression/social anxiety since when I was in secondary school myself. I don’t take meds, seen my fair share of therapists (who are a waste of time imo) and it’s a constant struggle to get basic **** done. The first four weeks of my PGCE I was overconfident and really enjoying myself, feeling like I was nailing the role. Week 5 I was told in no less than three separate meetings I was way, way behind all the other trainees and got put down to doing just halves of lessons. They said it’s because I had obvious confidence issues which threw me for a loop because I was at *max* confidence trying to overcompensate for my anxiety.
I took it a bit personally and it’s triggered this depressive phase for the last two weeks where I’ve shut down massively and don’t really care. This isn’t unique to the PGCE at all and I am not blaming my mentor/tutor etc. for this.
I contemplate quitting (the PGCE and life in general) multiple times a day and I just feel so lost on what I want to do with myself. Maybe I should just get a repetitive desk job where I can hide behind a cubicle all day and the workload can actually be completed during work hours and not on my weekends.
I obviously don’t want to quit because I know the PGCE could open up a lot of paths for me and I actually love the students and talking to them individually is where I feel I really shine. I wish I’d started as a teaching assistant or done tutoring before jumping headfirst into this.
Didn’t have any point with this post except to share some of my thoughts about it in case other PGCE people are feeling the same way and if any one else is in a similar boat with the mental health/maturity anxieties. - MrBateman
Basically applying for a PGCE was a stupid decision on my part for two big reasons:
I’m 21 and have ZERO teaching experience, or real world experience in general. I graduated from uni and was on this course a month later. A lot of the other teachers at my placement have this very ‘aw dear’ tone in their voice when they talk to me because they think I’m immature, timid and out-of-my-depth. I don’t even blame them because they are 100% right.
I’ve had diagnosed depression/social anxiety since when I was in secondary school myself. I don’t take meds, seen my fair share of therapists (who are a waste of time imo) and it’s a constant struggle to get basic **** done. The first four weeks of my PGCE I was overconfident and really enjoying myself, feeling like I was nailing the role. Week 5 I was told in no less than three separate meetings I was way, way behind all the other trainees and got put down to doing just halves of lessons. They said it’s because I had obvious confidence issues which threw me for a loop because I was at *max* confidence trying to overcompensate for my anxiety.
I took it a bit personally and it’s triggered this depressive phase for the last two weeks where I’ve shut down massively and don’t really care. This isn’t unique to the PGCE at all and I am not blaming my mentor/tutor etc. for this.
I contemplate quitting (the PGCE and life in general) multiple times a day and I just feel so lost on what I want to do with myself. Maybe I should just get a repetitive desk job where I can hide behind a cubicle all day and the workload can actually be completed during work hours and not on my weekends.
I obviously don’t want to quit because I know the PGCE could open up a lot of paths for me and I actually love the students and talking to them individually is where I feel I really shine. I wish I’d started as a teaching assistant or done tutoring before jumping headfirst into this.
Didn’t have any point with this post except to share some of my thoughts about it in case other PGCE people are feeling the same way and if any one else is in a similar boat with the mental health/maturity anxieties. - MrBateman
You could defer the course and take a job as a TA while you gain some more experience and decide whether the course is for you. Unfortunately the observations and feedback never really stop in teaching (the number of them go down obviously), you are always watched and scrutinised which isn't always a bad thing because observations can be great professional development provided feedback is constructive. However, if you feel like you would struggle to cope with that maybe teaching isn't the right career.
Original post by Muttly
You blame all of this on your depression and social anxiety? You state you still want to gain the qualification?
If you quit you get nothing for sure
So listen carefully to the feedback that is given to you. Understand what is being said and then change your approach accordingly. That is why you are on a course. If you had all the skills to start with you wouldn't need to be on a course, but the UK education system demands it. Know that you need to amend your lesson plans. Your lesson content won't all be bad, neither is your 'performance' all bad. But that is what you are programmed to hear. Just the bad. Get on with this and change the plan and try again. Change, tweak, do something different to your lesson plans and still enjoy the course. What have you got to lose?
Most of the students on your course I am sure will have zero experience of teaching, either in adult education or with children. The theories put over in the PGCE's are just that - theories. They are not necessarily the best way of maximising knowledge. Try amending your lesson plans. If the clap trap pushed onto you during the course works and your students ace the subjects etc etc then stick with it. If they don't change your teaching style after you finish the course. But all the PGCE content wants you to do is teach in a prescribed manner like a meat grinder. Just do it, don't disappear in your own cloud of self doubt. Give it a go because if you fall off your horse and don't get back in the saddle, not only do you go nowhere on your PGCE, you have a recipe for failure. A pattern of reaction to failure which will not help you at all and will be lifelong.
Then get some help dealing with your anxiety - you might be too late for accessing your Uni support services unless the PGCE course is underpinned by them? Use the MIND website. Either way you can change your learned approach to coping with life, and gain more confidence going forward.
If you quit you get nothing for sure
So listen carefully to the feedback that is given to you. Understand what is being said and then change your approach accordingly. That is why you are on a course. If you had all the skills to start with you wouldn't need to be on a course, but the UK education system demands it. Know that you need to amend your lesson plans. Your lesson content won't all be bad, neither is your 'performance' all bad. But that is what you are programmed to hear. Just the bad. Get on with this and change the plan and try again. Change, tweak, do something different to your lesson plans and still enjoy the course. What have you got to lose?
Most of the students on your course I am sure will have zero experience of teaching, either in adult education or with children. The theories put over in the PGCE's are just that - theories. They are not necessarily the best way of maximising knowledge. Try amending your lesson plans. If the clap trap pushed onto you during the course works and your students ace the subjects etc etc then stick with it. If they don't change your teaching style after you finish the course. But all the PGCE content wants you to do is teach in a prescribed manner like a meat grinder. Just do it, don't disappear in your own cloud of self doubt. Give it a go because if you fall off your horse and don't get back in the saddle, not only do you go nowhere on your PGCE, you have a recipe for failure. A pattern of reaction to failure which will not help you at all and will be lifelong.
Then get some help dealing with your anxiety - you might be too late for accessing your Uni support services unless the PGCE course is underpinned by them? Use the MIND website. Either way you can change your learned approach to coping with life, and gain more confidence going forward.
Yea its a total waste of time, and have not met a single person since finishing it whos done it and had positive experience/used the qual. What a load of stress and hassle for 0 return. Hope this helps : 0
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I have been pushed out of PGCE and made to quit
