Extreme sadness missing my family in 2nd year of University
When I moved into halls for my 1st year of Uni, I cried because I felt homesick and I missed my family (my mum and my dogs) . I heard that that it’s really normal to feel homesick after moving to university so I wasn’t too concerned. My mum even came up the day after I moved because I was crying on the phone to her saying I wanted to go home… she took me shopping and we ate food and she slept over for 2 days which helped so much. I went home but not every weekend, mostly just for the holidays, and my mum came to visit now and then too, and eventually a lot of my homesickness subsided but every now and then I would still feel really lonely and depressed and wanted to go home.
After spending summer at home again, being with my family every day, I’ve moved into a shared house with 2 of my friends. But yesterday I was just crying in my bed and telling my mum I wanted to go home, just like last year. I’m starting to think I have a problem now, like an unhealthy attachment or something. I’m supposed to be excited about living my own life and stuff but all I want to do is be with her. I’m only an hour and a half away but I can’t stand it. Every time I leave her I keep having these thoughts like what if she passes away, what if I don’t have much time with her left. I keep thinking about the fact I’ll be completely alone in the world with no one to care about me eventually and it makes me so sad, I can’t imagine life without her in it, she’s my best friend. That’s why I hate leaving because I feel like I’m wasting the time I could have with her. I’m crying right now as I write this, I don’t know how to cope with these feelings. I’m supposed to be going on a placement year abroad next year but I have no idea how I’m supposed to do that if I feel like this when im only an hour and a half away. I’m not sure if anyone will read this but if anyone has been through the same feelings or has some advice, please leave a reply.
After spending summer at home again, being with my family every day, I’ve moved into a shared house with 2 of my friends. But yesterday I was just crying in my bed and telling my mum I wanted to go home, just like last year. I’m starting to think I have a problem now, like an unhealthy attachment or something. I’m supposed to be excited about living my own life and stuff but all I want to do is be with her. I’m only an hour and a half away but I can’t stand it. Every time I leave her I keep having these thoughts like what if she passes away, what if I don’t have much time with her left. I keep thinking about the fact I’ll be completely alone in the world with no one to care about me eventually and it makes me so sad, I can’t imagine life without her in it, she’s my best friend. That’s why I hate leaving because I feel like I’m wasting the time I could have with her. I’m crying right now as I write this, I don’t know how to cope with these feelings. I’m supposed to be going on a placement year abroad next year but I have no idea how I’m supposed to do that if I feel like this when im only an hour and a half away. I’m not sure if anyone will read this but if anyone has been through the same feelings or has some advice, please leave a reply.
Original post by 1ffos
When I moved into halls for my 1st year of Uni, I cried because I felt homesick and I missed my family (my mum and my dogs) . I heard that that it’s really normal to feel homesick after moving to university so I wasn’t too concerned. My mum even came up the day after I moved because I was crying on the phone to her saying I wanted to go home… she took me shopping and we ate food and she slept over for 2 days which helped so much. I went home but not every weekend, mostly just for the holidays, and my mum came to visit now and then too, and eventually a lot of my homesickness subsided but every now and then I would still feel really lonely and depressed and wanted to go home.
After spending summer at home again, being with my family every day, I’ve moved into a shared house with 2 of my friends. But yesterday I was just crying in my bed and telling my mum I wanted to go home, just like last year. I’m starting to think I have a problem now, like an unhealthy attachment or something. I’m supposed to be excited about living my own life and stuff but all I want to do is be with her. I’m only an hour and a half away but I can’t stand it. Every time I leave her I keep having these thoughts like what if she passes away, what if I don’t have much time with her left. I keep thinking about the fact I’ll be completely alone in the world with no one to care about me eventually and it makes me so sad, I can’t imagine life without her in it, she’s my best friend. That’s why I hate leaving because I feel like I’m wasting the time I could have with her. I’m crying right now as I write this, I don’t know how to cope with these feelings. I’m supposed to be going on a placement year abroad next year but I have no idea how I’m supposed to do that if I feel like this when im only an hour and a half away. I’m not sure if anyone will read this but if anyone has been through the same feelings or has some advice, please leave a reply.
After spending summer at home again, being with my family every day, I’ve moved into a shared house with 2 of my friends. But yesterday I was just crying in my bed and telling my mum I wanted to go home, just like last year. I’m starting to think I have a problem now, like an unhealthy attachment or something. I’m supposed to be excited about living my own life and stuff but all I want to do is be with her. I’m only an hour and a half away but I can’t stand it. Every time I leave her I keep having these thoughts like what if she passes away, what if I don’t have much time with her left. I keep thinking about the fact I’ll be completely alone in the world with no one to care about me eventually and it makes me so sad, I can’t imagine life without her in it, she’s my best friend. That’s why I hate leaving because I feel like I’m wasting the time I could have with her. I’m crying right now as I write this, I don’t know how to cope with these feelings. I’m supposed to be going on a placement year abroad next year but I have no idea how I’m supposed to do that if I feel like this when im only an hour and a half away. I’m not sure if anyone will read this but if anyone has been through the same feelings or has some advice, please leave a reply.
This post hugely struck a nerve. Until I saw this I genuinely thought I was the only one who was this close with my mum at this age.
So seeing this post gives me a huge sense that I'm not alone.
As an only child I have also been extremely close to my parents too as I grew up and it was hard to live in halls away from them.
I struggled to make friends throughout school and so my mum seemed to always be the one person who properly understood me the most.
My dad did too, but not quite as much as my mum.
The only difference is that for me, home was within commutable distance to the university, and I actually know quite a few people who are moving home for 2nd year, myself included.
When my mental health took a big dip in the winter of 1st year I moved home for several weeks, but eventually I found the strength to move back to halls and I was happy there.
I started seeing a therapist about depression and social anxiety.
Nowadays as I slowly recover from that we have also been talking about my family relationships and I talk about my parents and especially my mum a lot.
My therapist told me about something called "enmeshment" - it's where your relationships with your family become so close that it becomes hard to recognize that you're your own person and that you can be independent from your family, because you're so used to spending every moment together and having very few secrets / boundaries.
I too have had dreams of my mother passing away - or more specifically being terminally ill - but I read that most of the time, if you dream of a loved one passing away, it's not because you necessarily actually worry about the person's passing, but more generally that you worry about how you will cope being separated from that person and not having them around.
I think working with my therapist has helped me feel more secure about living my own life.
But I think one of the biggest reassurances my mum gave me was this: she said that a mother's duty is to set her child up to be independent, successful and above all happy, and to equip her child with everything they need to thrive even after she's gone. My mum tells me that if I can't live without her, if I can't learn to cope and be happy even after she's gone, then she would have failed at that basic duty.
Your mum and her love will always be with you deep inside. Living away from her will be heart-wrenching at times, I know what that feels like, every minute of sitting in my room at halls feeling isolated and excluded, but in the end she is only a phone call away. Just remember always that she loves you dearly and she wants to see you become independent and be happy.
If you want to learn more just look up "enmeshment" or consider seeing a therapist - I cannot recommend it enough.
You're strong, you're loved and you have the ability to be happy and to make friends and live your own independent life.
That's what your mum wants and will always want. She will always love you even if she's not always physically around.
Original post by Anonymous
This post hugely struck a nerve. Until I saw this I genuinely thought I was the only one who was this close with my mum at this age.
So seeing this post gives me a huge sense that I'm not alone.
As an only child I have also been extremely close to my parents too as I grew up and it was hard to live in halls away from them.
I struggled to make friends throughout school and so my mum seemed to always be the one person who properly understood me the most.
My dad did too, but not quite as much as my mum.
The only difference is that for me, home was within commutable distance to the university, and I actually know quite a few people who are moving home for 2nd year, myself included.
When my mental health took a big dip in the winter of 1st year I moved home for several weeks, but eventually I found the strength to move back to halls and I was happy there.
I started seeing a therapist about depression and social anxiety.
Nowadays as I slowly recover from that we have also been talking about my family relationships and I talk about my parents and especially my mum a lot.
My therapist told me about something called "enmeshment" - it's where your relationships with your family become so close that it becomes hard to recognize that you're your own person and that you can be independent from your family, because you're so used to spending every moment together and having very few secrets / boundaries.
I too have had dreams of my mother passing away - or more specifically being terminally ill - but I read that most of the time, if you dream of a loved one passing away, it's not because you necessarily actually worry about the person's passing, but more generally that you worry about how you will cope being separated from that person and not having them around.
I think working with my therapist has helped me feel more secure about living my own life.
But I think one of the biggest reassurances my mum gave me was this: she said that a mother's duty is to set her child up to be independent, successful and above all happy, and to equip her child with everything they need to thrive even after she's gone. My mum tells me that if I can't live without her, if I can't learn to cope and be happy even after she's gone, then she would have failed at that basic duty.
Your mum and her love will always be with you deep inside. Living away from her will be heart-wrenching at times, I know what that feels like, every minute of sitting in my room at halls feeling isolated and excluded, but in the end she is only a phone call away. Just remember always that she loves you dearly and she wants to see you become independent and be happy.
If you want to learn more just look up "enmeshment" or consider seeing a therapist - I cannot recommend it enough.
You're strong, you're loved and you have the ability to be happy and to make friends and live your own independent life.
That's what your mum wants and will always want. She will always love you even if she's not always physically around.
So seeing this post gives me a huge sense that I'm not alone.
As an only child I have also been extremely close to my parents too as I grew up and it was hard to live in halls away from them.
I struggled to make friends throughout school and so my mum seemed to always be the one person who properly understood me the most.
My dad did too, but not quite as much as my mum.
The only difference is that for me, home was within commutable distance to the university, and I actually know quite a few people who are moving home for 2nd year, myself included.
When my mental health took a big dip in the winter of 1st year I moved home for several weeks, but eventually I found the strength to move back to halls and I was happy there.
I started seeing a therapist about depression and social anxiety.
Nowadays as I slowly recover from that we have also been talking about my family relationships and I talk about my parents and especially my mum a lot.
My therapist told me about something called "enmeshment" - it's where your relationships with your family become so close that it becomes hard to recognize that you're your own person and that you can be independent from your family, because you're so used to spending every moment together and having very few secrets / boundaries.
I too have had dreams of my mother passing away - or more specifically being terminally ill - but I read that most of the time, if you dream of a loved one passing away, it's not because you necessarily actually worry about the person's passing, but more generally that you worry about how you will cope being separated from that person and not having them around.
I think working with my therapist has helped me feel more secure about living my own life.
But I think one of the biggest reassurances my mum gave me was this: she said that a mother's duty is to set her child up to be independent, successful and above all happy, and to equip her child with everything they need to thrive even after she's gone. My mum tells me that if I can't live without her, if I can't learn to cope and be happy even after she's gone, then she would have failed at that basic duty.
Your mum and her love will always be with you deep inside. Living away from her will be heart-wrenching at times, I know what that feels like, every minute of sitting in my room at halls feeling isolated and excluded, but in the end she is only a phone call away. Just remember always that she loves you dearly and she wants to see you become independent and be happy.
If you want to learn more just look up "enmeshment" or consider seeing a therapist - I cannot recommend it enough.
You're strong, you're loved and you have the ability to be happy and to make friends and live your own independent life.
That's what your mum wants and will always want. She will always love you even if she's not always physically around.
10/10 reply
Original post by 1ffos
When I moved into halls for my 1st year of Uni, I cried because I felt homesick and I missed my family (my mum and my dogs) . I heard that that it’s really normal to feel homesick after moving to university so I wasn’t too concerned. My mum even came up the day after I moved because I was crying on the phone to her saying I wanted to go home… she took me shopping and we ate food and she slept over for 2 days which helped so much. I went home but not every weekend, mostly just for the holidays, and my mum came to visit now and then too, and eventually a lot of my homesickness subsided but every now and then I would still feel really lonely and depressed and wanted to go home.
After spending summer at home again, being with my family every day, I’ve moved into a shared house with 2 of my friends. But yesterday I was just crying in my bed and telling my mum I wanted to go home, just like last year. I’m starting to think I have a problem now, like an unhealthy attachment or something. I’m supposed to be excited about living my own life and stuff but all I want to do is be with her. I’m only an hour and a half away but I can’t stand it. Every time I leave her I keep having these thoughts like what if she passes away, what if I don’t have much time with her left. I keep thinking about the fact I’ll be completely alone in the world with no one to care about me eventually and it makes me so sad, I can’t imagine life without her in it, she’s my best friend. That’s why I hate leaving because I feel like I’m wasting the time I could have with her. I’m crying right now as I write this, I don’t know how to cope with these feelings. I’m supposed to be going on a placement year abroad next year but I have no idea how I’m supposed to do that if I feel like this when im only an hour and a half away. I’m not sure if anyone will read this but if anyone has been through the same feelings or has some advice, please leave a reply.
After spending summer at home again, being with my family every day, I’ve moved into a shared house with 2 of my friends. But yesterday I was just crying in my bed and telling my mum I wanted to go home, just like last year. I’m starting to think I have a problem now, like an unhealthy attachment or something. I’m supposed to be excited about living my own life and stuff but all I want to do is be with her. I’m only an hour and a half away but I can’t stand it. Every time I leave her I keep having these thoughts like what if she passes away, what if I don’t have much time with her left. I keep thinking about the fact I’ll be completely alone in the world with no one to care about me eventually and it makes me so sad, I can’t imagine life without her in it, she’s my best friend. That’s why I hate leaving because I feel like I’m wasting the time I could have with her. I’m crying right now as I write this, I don’t know how to cope with these feelings. I’m supposed to be going on a placement year abroad next year but I have no idea how I’m supposed to do that if I feel like this when im only an hour and a half away. I’m not sure if anyone will read this but if anyone has been through the same feelings or has some advice, please leave a reply.
This made me feel like I would also have this issue, but I'm not very good with words and I might say something you might dislike, so please keep that in mind.
I'm moving to bath in september for my 1st year, which is around 200 miles away from where I currently am. My dad passed away November 2022, so it's been my mum and my brother at home since then. I'll definitely agree that since my dad has passed, my family have had quite a few issues. I'm aware that sometimes I am very rude to my mum and I'm not sure why, but I just am. Of course I don't want to be, but I've got a few problems up there.
I feel selfish leaving. Only being able to see my family on 3 separate occasions every year, being christmas holiday, easter holiday and summer holiday. I feel for you, I really do. I've not even moved away yet and I'm already feeling homesick.
These are my thoughts on how I would personally try and resolve this, and it's all about how you think. You're at university to get the job you want, which I'm going to presume will earn you a good amount of money. (What a good amount of money is is subject to opinion) After university, you can move to wherever you want pretty much. You can get a job in most places as long as all goes well for you. Things may never be the same in being able to be home with your mum constantly every day, 7 times a week. But you getting a job after university, you earning for yourself and your family, and you making her proud. It seems that you just care for your mother very much which is extremely respectable. Sometimes I also think that if my mum passed, I would contemplate joining her and my dad. Obviously this is never the right thing to do, but you and I both need to understand that our mums have been alive way way longer than we have, and they're still around. It shouldn't be a countdown though, but rather a stopwatch, as in enjoy every second as it passes and don't dread the inevitable.
Sorry to go a bit dark there but think of you after your degree, get through the hardship and see what you can do which allows you to spend more time with your mum as you get older. Everyone goes on about how uni is the "best time of your life", yet there's loads of people feeling a similar feeling as you.
I wouldn't say this is advice or anything, but I know that someone telling you to do something doesn't mean you can magically just do it, but rather be realistic about it. It's ok to be selfish sometimes. Hope you can feel better about this.
Original post by 1ffos
When I moved into halls for my 1st year of Uni, I cried because I felt homesick and I missed my family (my mum and my dogs) . I heard that that it’s really normal to feel homesick after moving to university so I wasn’t too concerned. My mum even came up the day after I moved because I was crying on the phone to her saying I wanted to go home… she took me shopping and we ate food and she slept over for 2 days which helped so much. I went home but not every weekend, mostly just for the holidays, and my mum came to visit now and then too, and eventually a lot of my homesickness subsided but every now and then I would still feel really lonely and depressed and wanted to go home.
After spending summer at home again, being with my family every day, I’ve moved into a shared house with 2 of my friends. But yesterday I was just crying in my bed and telling my mum I wanted to go home, just like last year. I’m starting to think I have a problem now, like an unhealthy attachment or something. I’m supposed to be excited about living my own life and stuff but all I want to do is be with her. I’m only an hour and a half away but I can’t stand it. Every time I leave her I keep having these thoughts like what if she passes away, what if I don’t have much time with her left. I keep thinking about the fact I’ll be completely alone in the world with no one to care about me eventually and it makes me so sad, I can’t imagine life without her in it, she’s my best friend. That’s why I hate leaving because I feel like I’m wasting the time I could have with her. I’m crying right now as I write this, I don’t know how to cope with these feelings. I’m supposed to be going on a placement year abroad next year but I have no idea how I’m supposed to do that if I feel like this when im only an hour and a half away. I’m not sure if anyone will read this but if anyone has been through the same feelings or has some advice, please leave a reply.
After spending summer at home again, being with my family every day, I’ve moved into a shared house with 2 of my friends. But yesterday I was just crying in my bed and telling my mum I wanted to go home, just like last year. I’m starting to think I have a problem now, like an unhealthy attachment or something. I’m supposed to be excited about living my own life and stuff but all I want to do is be with her. I’m only an hour and a half away but I can’t stand it. Every time I leave her I keep having these thoughts like what if she passes away, what if I don’t have much time with her left. I keep thinking about the fact I’ll be completely alone in the world with no one to care about me eventually and it makes me so sad, I can’t imagine life without her in it, she’s my best friend. That’s why I hate leaving because I feel like I’m wasting the time I could have with her. I’m crying right now as I write this, I don’t know how to cope with these feelings. I’m supposed to be going on a placement year abroad next year but I have no idea how I’m supposed to do that if I feel like this when im only an hour and a half away. I’m not sure if anyone will read this but if anyone has been through the same feelings or has some advice, please leave a reply.
I can’t lie, I started tearing up when I read this. It’s so normal to feel like that (you defo don’t have a unhealthy attachment). This is basically one of your first experiences being away from home/your mum.
The advice I have for you is to join societies or sports to fill in the extra time you do have so that you can forget how much you miss her 😭 try to ft her everyday or often so you have a catch up
But defo don’t worry. It sounds like you have a beautiful relationship with your mother that many people don’t have ❤️ wishing you the best
