The Student Room Group
On campus at the University of Southampton
University of Southampton
Southampton
Visit website

Southampton Uni - struggling to make friends?

Hi there! Any advice on the social parts of Soton?

Posting here not for myself, but on behalf of my SO who began attending there recently.

Normally this isn’t something I’d ever get involved in, and I’m the first to back down when it comes to letting friendships and relationships form naturally, but he's feeling pretty dismal about this and I’m not sure what advice I can offer to help.

He’s a fairly sociable person - sure, shy sometimes - but it seems like the people he’s met so far either actively keep to themselves and aren’t interested in conversation or have already established friendships and friend groups.

He’s in one of the more sociable halls and attended the fresher's events and activities, but he either felt largely ignored or like he just didn’t fit in there. Perhaps we come from a more outgoing area, but the people in his halls don’t even say hi.

And - absolutely! - People are nervous, they’re in an unfamiliar environment, and everybody reacts to new people and events in different ways. He attended some of the mixers and fun introductory things (such as the videogaming event) and still didn’t feel right there.

Of course, it does take guts and you have to be actively involved in order to make and pursue friendships! But it moreso feels like we’re looking in the wrong places. I’m trying to encourage him to go check out some of the pubs and so forth, but he’s heavily reluctant to go on his own.

Are there any particularly sociable parts/places in Southampton that you think he’d have an easier time meeting new people who aren’t already totally buddied up? He studies German and Spanish, so he’s gonna try and find some new people there for now.

Just honestly confused about how so many people seem to have befriended each other on what seemed to be the first day.
(edited 4 months ago)
Original post by kitspurr
Hi there! Any advice on the social parts of Soton?

Posting here not for myself, but on behalf of my SO who began attending there recently.

Normally this isn’t something I’d ever get involved in, and I’m the first to back down when it comes to letting friendships and relationships form naturally, but he's feeling pretty dismal about this and I’m not sure what advice I can offer to help.

He’s a fairly sociable person - sure, shy sometimes - but it seems like the people he’s met so far either actively keep to themselves and aren’t interested in conversation or have already established friendships and friend groups.

He’s in one of the more sociable halls and attended the fresher's events and activities, but he either felt largely ignored or like he just didn’t fit in there. Perhaps we come from a more outgoing area, but the people in his halls don’t even say hi.

And - absolutely! - People are nervous, they’re in an unfamiliar environment, and everybody reacts to new people and events in different ways. He attended some of the mixers and fun introductory things (such as the videogaming event) and still didn’t feel right there.

Of course, it does take guts and you have to be actively involved in order to make and pursue friendships! But it moreso feels like we’re looking in the wrong places. I’m trying to encourage him to go check out some of the pubs and so forth, but he’s heavily reluctant to go on his own.

Are there any particularly sociable parts/places in Southampton that you think he’d have an easier time meeting new people who aren’t already totally buddied up? He studies German and Spanish, so he’s gonna try and find some new people there for now.

Just honestly confused about how so many people seem to have befriended each other on what seemed to be the first day.

Talking to people in lectures and going to society events are honestly your best bet. Even if it seems like there’s also groups in societies people will be way more than happy to talk to you and there’ll also be other people going to society events alone, don’t worry too much. Just stay consistent with the places you go too and you’ll see familiar faces
On campus at the University of Southampton
University of Southampton
Southampton
Visit website
Reply 2
How about joining the Spanish society - (https://www.susu.org/groups/slaps) and the German society (https://www.susu.org/groups/gersoc)? 🇩🇪🇪🇸
Salsa is a fantastic way to meet people and make friends. 💃🕺🏼Also excellent for one’s physical and mental wellbeing. 👌https://www.susu.org/groups/salsa-society
Btw I don’t go to Soton nor am I affiliated to either society. Just saw your post and the above sprang to mind. I did French & German at uni and have danced salsa for 15 years, long after uni though. I wish I had known about it when I was a student. It’s so friendly and a great community. 👍🏼
If the above don’t appeal, look at the list of societies and see what does and sign up to everything and anything that does!
PS if salsa does appeal, I can give you details of non-uni salsa events in Soton, too. We are a friendly bunch 🤗
Original post by kitspurr
Hi there! Any advice on the social parts of Soton?

Posting here not for myself, but on behalf of my SO who began attending there recently.

Normally this isn’t something I’d ever get involved in, and I’m the first to back down when it comes to letting friendships and relationships form naturally, but he's feeling pretty dismal about this and I’m not sure what advice I can offer to help.

He’s a fairly sociable person - sure, shy sometimes - but it seems like the people he’s met so far either actively keep to themselves and aren’t interested in conversation or have already established friendships and friend groups.

He’s in one of the more sociable halls and attended the fresher's events and activities, but he either felt largely ignored or like he just didn’t fit in there. Perhaps we come from a more outgoing area, but the people in his halls don’t even say hi.

And - absolutely! - People are nervous, they’re in an unfamiliar environment, and everybody reacts to new people and events in different ways. He attended some of the mixers and fun introductory things (such as the videogaming event) and still didn’t feel right there.

Of course, it does take guts and you have to be actively involved in order to make and pursue friendships! But it moreso feels like we’re looking in the wrong places. I’m trying to encourage him to go check out some of the pubs and so forth, but he’s heavily reluctant to go on his own.

Are there any particularly sociable parts/places in Southampton that you think he’d have an easier time meeting new people who aren’t already totally buddied up? He studies German and Spanish, so he’s gonna try and find some new people there for now.

Just honestly confused about how so many people seem to have befriended each other on what seemed to be the first day.

Have things omproved?
Original post by kitspurr
Hi there! Any advice on the social parts of Soton?

Posting here not for myself, but on behalf of my SO who began attending there recently.

Normally this isn’t something I’d ever get involved in, and I’m the first to back down when it comes to letting friendships and relationships form naturally, but he's feeling pretty dismal about this and I’m not sure what advice I can offer to help.

He’s a fairly sociable person - sure, shy sometimes - but it seems like the people he’s met so far either actively keep to themselves and aren’t interested in conversation or have already established friendships and friend groups.

He’s in one of the more sociable halls and attended the fresher's events and activities, but he either felt largely ignored or like he just didn’t fit in there. Perhaps we come from a more outgoing area, but the people in his halls don’t even say hi.

And - absolutely! - People are nervous, they’re in an unfamiliar environment, and everybody reacts to new people and events in different ways. He attended some of the mixers and fun introductory things (such as the videogaming event) and still didn’t feel right there.

Of course, it does take guts and you have to be actively involved in order to make and pursue friendships! But it moreso feels like we’re looking in the wrong places. I’m trying to encourage him to go check out some of the pubs and so forth, but he’s heavily reluctant to go on his own.

Are there any particularly sociable parts/places in Southampton that you think he’d have an easier time meeting new people who aren’t already totally buddied up? He studies German and Spanish, so he’s gonna try and find some new people there for now.

Just honestly confused about how so many people seem to have befriended each other on what seemed to be the first day.

Hey!

University can sometimes feel lonely, especially during first year when everyone is transitioning to uni life. I know for me in first year I struggled to make friends in my halls. It really depends on what flatmates you get put with. Some flats are quieter, but you may find that over time (as people settle in) they might open up.

However here are some other ideas of how to make friends

Societies
Joining societies can be a really fun part of university life as well as a perfect opportunity to meet like-minded people. Have a look on the SUSU society page to explore the 238 societies we currently offer at Southampton!

Considering you study German and Spanish maybe the German Society would be good to join. Also consider sport societies as they cater for people of all ability levels and being active is great for wellbeing.

Clubs, bars, and Pubs
Going to clubs, bars and pubs can be fun and a way to meet new people. However, I understand going on your own can be daunting. Most pubs run weekly pub quizzes, perhaps you could ask some coursemates or any new people you meet if they would want to try one with you.

Course
Tutorials/Seminars offer useful opportunities to talk to and meet coursemates. You could ask coursemates you meet if they wanted to study with you in the library. Often people are also feeling the same and will jump on the opportunity of finding new friends.
*
I’m sure you will find friends. It can just take time. Remember life isn’t a race and although it can feel lonely sometimes there are always good things coming in the future

If you have any questions, just reply to this post and I will be happy to respond!
For wellbeing support the Student Hub is open 24/7, so don’t hesitate from seeking help.
*
Best wishes
Dan😀
Student Ambassador
University of Southampton
Original post by kitspurr
Hi there! Any advice on the social parts of Soton?

Posting here not for myself, but on behalf of my SO who began attending there recently.

Normally this isn’t something I’d ever get involved in, and I’m the first to back down when it comes to letting friendships and relationships form naturally, but he's feeling pretty dismal about this and I’m not sure what advice I can offer to help.

He’s a fairly sociable person - sure, shy sometimes - but it seems like the people he’s met so far either actively keep to themselves and aren’t interested in conversation or have already established friendships and friend groups.

He’s in one of the more sociable halls and attended the fresher's events and activities, but he either felt largely ignored or like he just didn’t fit in there. Perhaps we come from a more outgoing area, but the people in his halls don’t even say hi.

And - absolutely! - People are nervous, they’re in an unfamiliar environment, and everybody reacts to new people and events in different ways. He attended some of the mixers and fun introductory things (such as the videogaming event) and still didn’t feel right there.

Of course, it does take guts and you have to be actively involved in order to make and pursue friendships! But it moreso feels like we’re looking in the wrong places. I’m trying to encourage him to go check out some of the pubs and so forth, but he’s heavily reluctant to go on his own.

Are there any particularly sociable parts/places in Southampton that you think he’d have an easier time meeting new people who aren’t already totally buddied up? He studies German and Spanish, so he’s gonna try and find some new people there for now.

Just honestly confused about how so many people seem to have befriended each other on what seemed to be the first day.

Wondering whether things have improved for your son now? My daughter is in her first year and still hasn't really made any friends.

Quick Reply

Latest