Third year and don’t really have any friends
My first two years at uni were wasted being left out by flatmates and depressed in my room, oh well. Now I’m in a flat with some pretty nice people, but they’re either too broke or busy doing work/working to do much so most nights I just stay in feeling lonely.
I really want to go out and do something, I just don’t know anyone to. I’m in a few societies but they don’t do socials that often. Even when they do I don’t exactly leave with any friends, just that I had the chance to chat with someone and do something. Of course it’s also because I’m a bit shy and find it hard to be comfortable around anyone, but I don’t know what to do about that either.
So I’ve been a bit more crap this week and just tempted to have a drink on my own and feel a bit better. I even went as far as going out alone last year. Can’t say I regret it but I guess my personality still gets in the way and it might not be worth it especially in this weather.
I really want to go out and do something, I just don’t know anyone to. I’m in a few societies but they don’t do socials that often. Even when they do I don’t exactly leave with any friends, just that I had the chance to chat with someone and do something. Of course it’s also because I’m a bit shy and find it hard to be comfortable around anyone, but I don’t know what to do about that either.
So I’ve been a bit more crap this week and just tempted to have a drink on my own and feel a bit better. I even went as far as going out alone last year. Can’t say I regret it but I guess my personality still gets in the way and it might not be worth it especially in this weather.
what uni do you go to?
Hi,
I'm sorry to hear about this and understand the stress it can cause on your Student life. Confidence was a huge thing for me too at University and something I struggled with a lot when approaching people but I managed to look at situations in a different way and that helped a lot.
I'm happy to hear that your flatmates are nice compared to your previous experience and can understand that they are studying and working the amount that they do (depending on if you mean working as in studying or a job), however you could use this scenario and look at it a different way, maybe suggest a study session with them, where you all study together even if you are on different courses, learn more about each others studies and this can not only benefit their studies when explaining it out loud to others who may not fully understand that course like they do but also gives a topic of conversation to start building those friendships and understanding among you.
Also you mentioned that there can be financial issues among your flatmates but there are plenty of other approaches to this that are cost free, maybe you guys can just hang out on your campus and see what it has to offer, my university's student union has loads of events to take part in from quiz to karaoke nights, pool tables and so on or look at cost free ways in your area and see what that has to offer and I'm sure there's even more to do just within your flat like games or even your own quiz nights!
Shyness, from my own experiences, can become really frustrating to get past and can feel like you're kicking yourself after missing the opportunity to talk someone due to it, a way to overcome this is to understand you're not alone in this at all and it's understandable that you feel the way you do. Again student union events can be beneficial for this as they encourage interaction between students, even if you go to these alone, there is nothing wrong with that and can be a good push for you in your confidence among other students who may feel the same as you and need that push as well.
I hope this helps and good luck!
Katie (Film graduate)
University of Wolverhampton
I'm sorry to hear about this and understand the stress it can cause on your Student life. Confidence was a huge thing for me too at University and something I struggled with a lot when approaching people but I managed to look at situations in a different way and that helped a lot.
I'm happy to hear that your flatmates are nice compared to your previous experience and can understand that they are studying and working the amount that they do (depending on if you mean working as in studying or a job), however you could use this scenario and look at it a different way, maybe suggest a study session with them, where you all study together even if you are on different courses, learn more about each others studies and this can not only benefit their studies when explaining it out loud to others who may not fully understand that course like they do but also gives a topic of conversation to start building those friendships and understanding among you.
Also you mentioned that there can be financial issues among your flatmates but there are plenty of other approaches to this that are cost free, maybe you guys can just hang out on your campus and see what it has to offer, my university's student union has loads of events to take part in from quiz to karaoke nights, pool tables and so on or look at cost free ways in your area and see what that has to offer and I'm sure there's even more to do just within your flat like games or even your own quiz nights!
Shyness, from my own experiences, can become really frustrating to get past and can feel like you're kicking yourself after missing the opportunity to talk someone due to it, a way to overcome this is to understand you're not alone in this at all and it's understandable that you feel the way you do. Again student union events can be beneficial for this as they encourage interaction between students, even if you go to these alone, there is nothing wrong with that and can be a good push for you in your confidence among other students who may feel the same as you and need that push as well.
I hope this helps and good luck!
Katie (Film graduate)
University of Wolverhampton
(edited 4 months ago)
Hello,
My name is Haya and I am an international student studying medicine. I am sorry you feel this way. I can imagine how you must be feeling as often felt like that.
Apart from soceities, I found that I was able to make friends in "uni spots" , so like the areas around campus in terms of restaurants, cafes, and even the gym!
Also, you can try to use platforms like Unibuddy and Meetup which can link you with current students or potential buddies.
Best of luck,
Haya- MBBS V
My name is Haya and I am an international student studying medicine. I am sorry you feel this way. I can imagine how you must be feeling as often felt like that.
Apart from soceities, I found that I was able to make friends in "uni spots" , so like the areas around campus in terms of restaurants, cafes, and even the gym!
Also, you can try to use platforms like Unibuddy and Meetup which can link you with current students or potential buddies.
Best of luck,
Haya- MBBS V
Original post by user2456532
My first two years at uni were wasted being left out by flatmates and depressed in my room, oh well. Now I’m in a flat with some pretty nice people, but they’re either too broke or busy doing work/working to do much so most nights I just stay in feeling lonely.
I really want to go out and do something, I just don’t know anyone to. I’m in a few societies but they don’t do socials that often. Even when they do I don’t exactly leave with any friends, just that I had the chance to chat with someone and do something. Of course it’s also because I’m a bit shy and find it hard to be comfortable around anyone, but I don’t know what to do about that either.
So I’ve been a bit more crap this week and just tempted to have a drink on my own and feel a bit better. I even went as far as going out alone last year. Can’t say I regret it but I guess my personality still gets in the way and it might not be worth it especially in this weather.
I really want to go out and do something, I just don’t know anyone to. I’m in a few societies but they don’t do socials that often. Even when they do I don’t exactly leave with any friends, just that I had the chance to chat with someone and do something. Of course it’s also because I’m a bit shy and find it hard to be comfortable around anyone, but I don’t know what to do about that either.
So I’ve been a bit more crap this week and just tempted to have a drink on my own and feel a bit better. I even went as far as going out alone last year. Can’t say I regret it but I guess my personality still gets in the way and it might not be worth it especially in this weather.
Hi,
I'm sorry to hear you feel this way.
The university experience is different for everyone and sometimes not having a solid group of friends by a certain time frame can make you feel left behind.
It's important to note that most people are open to making new friends at any point in their university journey, I myself am currently studying my masters at the same university I did my undergraduate degree, yet still meet new people on a monthly basis.
It's great that you attend societies and you mentioned that you are shy, is there a way you can speak to some of these people online to make yourself feel more comfortable first?
It's always worth checking to see if your university has schemes put in place such as UMII which is an app that allows you to connect with others who are also looking to make new friends and go to your university. On top of this, if your university has an ambassador scheme and you are able to attend open days, working or volunteering as an ambassador is a good way to meet other students that you wouldn't ordinarily meet.
Lastly, make sure that if the feeling of loneliness is becoming overwhelming that you contact the wellbeing team at your university and make use of any services they have including an out of hours phone line if that's available to you.
Best of luck, I hope you find your people soon,
Meg 🙂
MA Popular Music Student
Original post by user2456532
My first two years at uni were wasted being left out by flatmates and depressed in my room, oh well. Now I’m in a flat with some pretty nice people, but they’re either too broke or busy doing work/working to do much so most nights I just stay in feeling lonely.
I really want to go out and do something, I just don’t know anyone to. I’m in a few societies but they don’t do socials that often. Even when they do I don’t exactly leave with any friends, just that I had the chance to chat with someone and do something. Of course it’s also because I’m a bit shy and find it hard to be comfortable around anyone, but I don’t know what to do about that either.
So I’ve been a bit more crap this week and just tempted to have a drink on my own and feel a bit better. I even went as far as going out alone last year. Can’t say I regret it but I guess my personality still gets in the way and it might not be worth it especially in this weather.
I really want to go out and do something, I just don’t know anyone to. I’m in a few societies but they don’t do socials that often. Even when they do I don’t exactly leave with any friends, just that I had the chance to chat with someone and do something. Of course it’s also because I’m a bit shy and find it hard to be comfortable around anyone, but I don’t know what to do about that either.
So I’ve been a bit more crap this week and just tempted to have a drink on my own and feel a bit better. I even went as far as going out alone last year. Can’t say I regret it but I guess my personality still gets in the way and it might not be worth it especially in this weather.
Hi there,
It can be tough feeling lonely at uni and it definitely makes your uni experience harder! I felt like this too last year and so many more people than you think are lonely at uni.
What are the people on your course like? Could you try and do things with them, maybe going for a coffee after your seminar or suggest going shopping or for food? I'm quite a shy person and I don't like suggesting things in case people don't want to do it or they don't like my suggestion but it's good to do this as more often than not people say yes! As I said, more people than you think feel lonely so they're usually up for doing things if they are asked.
As others have suggested, you could try asking your flatmates to do activities that are free or suggest a movie night in your flat? This way they can still be in and not spending money but you aren't on your own. You could also do a games night, a quiz or make dinner together!
You could also try and find some Facebook groups for your uni and find friends to do things with this way? Usually there are people asking to do things so you may find people this way? People are usually up for doing things so it's worth asking! And if they say no then you haven't lost anything.
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador
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