The Student Room Group

What does this mean??

So i’ve been speaking with this guy for about 3 almost 4 months. We’ve met up a few times and have arranged again in a few weeks. He’s really nice and is genuine. We’ve established quite early on we’re just going to be good mates and he’s said nicely he just can’t see a relationship with me (which i’m fine about). He doesn’t often do this but he’ll leave me on delivered for a few hours which isn’t like him, yet he’ll reply to others. When he does reply we’re absolutely fine and nothings dry , etc. When he replies after it being quite a while he’ll always apologise. Most of the time he’ll reply when he can. Ik i shouldn’t worry bc we’re just mates and it’s staying that way, but i find myself constantly checking for his text back.
As someone that takes days or weeks to respond to text messages, they are exhausting ways to interact with someone.

If it bothers you, tell him. If it doesn’t, relax, look at his actions, not how long it takes him to respond to a non-urgent message.
Reply 2
You seem to be questioning his actions instead of your own. If you keep checking for messages it means he is more of a priority to you than you are to him. He's a friend and he has no commitment to reply to you as soon as you message. Do you have more feelings for him than you are letting on? Or are you short of other friends?
Reply 3
Original post by Admit-One
As someone that takes days or weeks to respond to text messages, they are exhausting ways to interact with someone.

If it bothers you, tell him. If it doesn’t, relax, look at his actions, not how long it takes him to respond to a non-urgent message.

thank you for your response☺️

it doesn’t bother me too much to a point where he needs to know because he does apologise and explains why. it’s more because when he messages others and not me it feels like a personal thing and in my head i always think ‘is he ever gonna reply?’ ‘will i hear from him again?’ and i know me and him are just friends. it’s not all the time, it’s just every so often but when he does reply everything’s normal, so idk if it’s ‘ghosting’ or if he’s genuinely busy 😅
Reply 4
Original post by Surnia
You seem to be questioning his actions instead of your own. If you keep checking for messages it means he is more of a priority to you than you are to him. He's a friend and he has no commitment to reply to you as soon as you message. Do you have more feelings for him than you are letting on? Or are you short of other friends?

Yeah, i know it’s wrong but i honestly can’t help it and i feel awful bc we’re nothing more and won’t be. It would be nice to be more than friends w him, but i’d rather stay friends and not lose that element than date, breakup and lose him completely. he’s said he can’t commit to anyone atm and i know that’s true. i just love speaking to him and it just makes me anxious if he doesn’t respond as quick as usual.
Original post by Anonymous #1
So i’ve been speaking with this guy for about 3 almost 4 months. We’ve met up a few times and have arranged again in a few weeks. He’s really nice and is genuine. We’ve established quite early on we’re just going to be good mates and he’s said nicely he just can’t see a relationship with me (which i’m fine about). He doesn’t often do this but he’ll leave me on delivered for a few hours which isn’t like him, yet he’ll reply to others. When he does reply we’re absolutely fine and nothings dry , etc. When he replies after it being quite a while he’ll always apologise. Most of the time he’ll reply when he can. Ik i shouldn’t worry bc we’re just mates and it’s staying that way, but i find myself constantly checking for his text back.

Ok so why are you constantly waiting for his replies? If hes a friend it should not bother you?
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous #2
Ok so why are you constantly waiting for his replies? If hes a friend it should not bother you?

sounds silly- but where we’ve spoken everyday for these past few months it’s become like a ‘routine’ if you like? and we get along really well and he alwaysss says i’m great to speak to, really nice in general etc. so when he doesn’t reply i just worry hes going to chuck me. a lot of guys (friends or talking stages) have done it so i get scared he’ll do the same. but at the same time he told a girl the other day he can’t see anything going further than friends with her either, so i then question whether he’d have told me if he didn’t want me if that makes sense?
Original post by Anonymous #1
sounds silly- but where we’ve spoken everyday for these past few months it’s become like a ‘routine’ if you like? and we get along really well and he alwaysss says i’m great to speak to, really nice in general etc. so when he doesn’t reply i just worry hes going to chuck me. a lot of guys (friends or talking stages) have done it so i get scared he’ll do the same. but at the same time he told a girl the other day he can’t see anything going further than friends with her either, so i then question whether he’d have told me if he didn’t want me if that makes sense?

Youve been talking for 4 months. You cant expect him to reply back asap if he is just a friend. Also if its been 4 months you should know by now if you have any romantic feelings for him?
Original post by Anonymous #1
sounds silly- but where we’ve spoken everyday for these past few months it’s become like a ‘routine’ if you like? and we get along really well and he alwaysss says i’m great to speak to, really nice in general etc. so when he doesn’t reply i just worry hes going to chuck me. a lot of guys (friends or talking stages) have done it so i get scared he’ll do the same. but at the same time he told a girl the other day he can’t see anything going further than friends with her either, so i then question whether he’d have told me if he didn’t want me if that makes sense?

I'm pretty sure 90% of people are like this, it's a sort of anxious attachment that teenagers get when they not necessarily depend but when you have nothing to do you feel like you should be messaging said person. If he's not reading your messages it doesn't mean he's busy but he might not want to talk in that moment, doesn't mean he doesn't like you any less, or he can't think of a reply lol (if its on snapchat he's probably half-swiped no offence)

best thing you can do is focus on your work or your life, use the time you're not texting to improve on yourself and your goals. Text him when you're not busy and he'll do the same, don't change your schedule to message someone back, also check your phone less. We're social creatures so it's going to be natural to miss someone especially over text when you can see them irl a lot of the time (school holidays make it harder). But it's best to just spend the time being productive instead of looking at your phone wondering why they haven't replied yet.
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous #2
Youve been talking for 4 months. You cant expect him to reply back asap if he is just a friend. Also if its been 4 months you should know by now if you have any romantic feelings for him?

yeah i sort of do feel that way for him but then i remind myself ‘he’s just your friend’.
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous #3
I'm pretty sure 90% of people are like this, it's a sort of anxious attachment that teenagers get when they not necessarily depend but when you have nothing to do you feel like you should be messaging said person. If he's not reading your messages it doesn't mean he's busy but he might not want to talk in that moment, doesn't mean he doesn't like you any less, or he can't think of a reply lol (if its on snapchat he's probably half-swiped no offence)

best thing you can do is focus on your work or your life, use the time you're not texting to improve on yourself and your goals. Text him when you're not busy and he'll do the same, don't change your schedule to message someone back, also check your phone less. We're social creatures so it's going to be natural to miss someone especially over text when you can see them irl a lot of the time (school holidays make it harder). But it's best to just spend the time being productive instead of looking at your phone wondering why they haven't replied yet.

thank you so much that’s really helpful!!

so we primarily speak on snapchat because neither of us use whatsapp or imessage often so snap is quicker replies. we don’t text on there, just actual photo snaps for conversation. i just worry that ive done something or he doesn’t want anything to do with me, yet when he replies he’s his usual self and we joke around like normal, but i still worry everytime 😬
Original post by Anonymous #1
thank you so much that’s really helpful!!

so we primarily speak on snapchat because neither of us use whatsapp or imessage often so snap is quicker replies. we don’t text on there, just actual photo snaps for conversation. i just worry that ive done something or he doesn’t want anything to do with me, yet when he replies he’s his usual self and we joke around like normal, but i still worry everytime 😬

you remind me of me ngl 😭
Original post by Anonymous #1
thank you for your response☺️

it doesn’t bother me too much to a point where he needs to know because he does apologise and explains why. it’s more because when he messages others and not me it feels like a personal thing and in my head i always think ‘is he ever gonna reply?’ ‘will i hear from him again?’ and i know me and him are just friends. it’s not all the time, it’s just every so often but when he does reply everything’s normal, so idk if it’s ‘ghosting’ or if he’s genuinely busy 😅

Nothing else about his behaviour strikes me as odd, (he’s been honest about what he wants and hasn’t been weird or otherwise manipulative), so I’d just assume he’s busy.
Reply 13
Original post by Admit-One
Nothing else about his behaviour strikes me as odd, (he’s been honest about what he wants and hasn’t been weird or otherwise manipulative), so I’d just assume he’s busy.

oh yeah he’s not that type of person and always says ‘honesty’s the best policy’. So even though we are just friends and i know he doesn’t see me any other way, should i let it get to me when he’s clearly active and messaging others? because he does reply, but sometimes it just takes ages and sometimes a few days. but he hasn’t done that since october time.
Reply 14
Original post by Anonymous #1
oh yeah he’s not that type of person and always says ‘honesty’s the best policy’. So even though we are just friends and i know he doesn’t see me any other way, should i let it get to me when he’s clearly active and messaging others? because he does reply, but sometimes it just takes ages and sometimes a few days. but he hasn’t done that since october time.

Of course you shouldn't let it get to you: that's very immature! I assume he's got family, colleagues and other friends he wants to message, and the quickest way to lose him is for you to start complaining that he should prioritise replying to you over them. Do you make that demand of all your friends?
Original post by Anonymous
oh yeah he’s not that type of person and always says ‘honesty’s the best policy’. So even though we are just friends and i know he doesn’t see me any other way, should i let it get to me when he’s clearly active and messaging others? because he does reply, but sometimes it just takes ages and sometimes a few days. but he hasn’t done that since october time.


To me the obvious answer is no, but then again I’ve got friends who similarly take days or weeks to respond and it doesn’t bother me at all. They got lives, jobs, kids and other relationships to deal with so I certainly wouldn’t expect a prompt answer even if they’d read my message. Or to put it another way, if what I was asking was urgent I would call them.

I’d suggest switching off the ‘read’ notifications if possible as it seems only to stress you out.

Quick Reply