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Wish I could just understand it

I don't know how to flirt with girls. I don't even think it's fear of 'rejection', I just don't seem to have the balls to let the girl know I like her. And I don't know how to do this. There's a girl who I know but don't speak too much as I am too shy to talk to her, she supposedly likes me and I do think she does. But when I spoke to her in the past I remember getting really nervous and crumbly around her, not quite as bad now but when I have been like that I just think the next time I talk to her I should be embarrassed because I embarrassed myself previously. And then I proceed to embarrass myself further with my constant jitteryness. I don't even particularly like her, but she's nice looking and a 'loose' chick, I'd definitely say yes but no way relationship material and that's my decision so please let's not go into it. But even if I wanted to just have sex with her on the one off, I wouldn't even know how to go about it. Like if I started talking to her, I wouldn't know if, when or how to drop a hint. Complimenting her would make me worry that she may not appreciate it and think 'omg he's getting the wrong impression'. And I am also very worried about doing the wrong thing, like overstepping the mark and getting carried away when for all I know she may not be interested.

And I'm really confused about right and wrong as well. The whole attitude of not to use girls for sex etc bla bla bla. Seriously every guy in this planet must have had a one off sexual encounter with a girl and (basically) run off. Let's not fool anyone here, just about every guy who has had sex will have had a 'shag'. And if it's agreed, I guess there's nothing wrong with it. But then how do I get to this position of just a 'shag' without making it blindingly obvious and being accused if the girl expected more. How do I even tell a girl what I want? Directly tell her? Also loads of guys get with girls and move on after sex, so how do they get to this position? I don't think every girl will fall for them and think they want relationship etc. So I don't get it, can someone explain? I find it quite baffling.

I basically don't know how to go about things like this, whenever I see her she's with our mutual friends, so she's never alone, I have her number but hardly ever text her so if I did that it would be like a shock to her system. Then today I saw some guy and a damn good looking girl snogging and it when I saw that it made me feel so utterly inept. Almost as if I had to be ashamed of myself. At my age (18/19) of course like any other guy I just want to feel like validated.

Could anyone direct me as to how or what to do to potentially 'hook up' with the girl who likes me. Please don't look down on me for that, because if that is what she wanted, well then there's nothing actually wrong with it.

Reply 1

yellowwdaisy

just my opinion- don't try to get a girl into bed that you've made up your mind you want to have sex with- unless you are the kind of person who does this without thinking, it won't work. if you want to find a girl to have a one-nighter with- go to a club

Id say just general friendliness- take an interest in her- get to know her- theres no harm in showing your enthusiastic- just as long as you give her her space (ie don't be desperate/clingy/possessive/over-persistent)- if she shows enthusiasm back, invite her to do things ect- you don't need to invite her to have dinner with you the first time you talk to her- once you already know her, it would be perfectly normal to ask her for a drink- leave it to her to back out of it if she isnt interested

btw- remember that loads of other 18/19 year old guys (hell even 26yr olds) are in exactly the same possition- and any sensible girl our age should realise that a lot of the really good looking charismatic guys are as*h***s- any girl that doesn't appreciate the compliment if you show an interest in her and treat you with the consideration you deserve (not stringing you a long/avoiding you/leaving you hanging because she wants the ball always to be in her court) isn't worth your while

speaking as a girl your age- I would love more guys to just come up and talk to me or ask me out for a drink (intense and romantic isn't such a good idea- it makes me feel so worried Ill hurt them that I steer clear- so try to be casual)- all the guys I ever fancy are either arrogant pricks or are too shy to come up and talk to me