Do I need to be discreet about how many men I've slept with?
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Original post by black_mamba
The way I see it is if the guy reacts badly, you've just gained a window into their true mentality: an early warning sign that he is not for you. There are lots of men out there who are mature enough to realise that the number alone means nothing, there are even men out there for whom your experience will be viewed positively. Shocking isn't it? 
Be honest.
Be honest.
The number itself means nothing. What it suggests is that there are at least twenty guys out there that she feels are worthy of her body. This could mean that she has low standards (and so her current boyfriend feels that reflects on him too) or it could mean that she has been very lucky and actually met twenty nice, handsome, caring, interesting, funny men. If that is the case, she shouldn't be so greedy.
Chances are though, she is a slag who gives it away for free.
Original post by TheRealDarthVader
Original post by TheRealDarthVader
The number itself means nothing. What it suggests is that there are at least twenty guys out there that she feels are worthy of her body. This could mean that she has low standards (and so her current boyfriend feels that reflects on him too) or it could mean that she has been very lucky and actually met twenty nice, handsome, caring, interesting, funny men. If that is the case, she shouldn't be so greedy.
Chances are though, she is a slag who gives it away for free.
Chances are though, she is a slag who gives it away for free.
'Gives' it away for free? She's also 'getting' sex and enjoying it!
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by TheRealDarthVader
The number itself means nothing. What it suggests is that there are at least twenty guys out there that she feels are worthy of her body. This could mean that she has low standards (and so her current boyfriend feels that reflects on him too) or it could mean that she has been very lucky and actually met twenty nice, handsome, caring, interesting, funny men. If that is the case, she shouldn't be so greedy.
Chances are though, she is a slag who gives it away for free.
Chances are though, she is a slag who gives it away for free.
The former is more probable, an average of four stable relationships a year is highly unlikely.
Original post by TheRealDarthVader
Chances are though, she is a slag who gives it away for free.
Sex is not something women 'give away' or 'give up'. It's something they can enjoy too you know.
Bloody hell.
Original post by babygirl110
The former is more probable, an average of four stable relationships a year is highly unlikely.
But that poster implied that lots of sex = low standards, which is another HUGE assumption. (True or false is not the point here, the point is why do people assume things).
Why are people so prudish here about sex? Just because someone can enjoy plenty of sex doesn't imply anything about their standards.
I give up with this thread.
My god some people are so judgmental!
OP it depends on the person you are with - some people accept it and are able to understand that no matter how many people you have slept with in the past, it is not indicative of your behaviour in a relationship. Being single and being in a relationship are entirely different and if you are with someone that can accept that then telling them the truth isn't a problem, but if you are with someone judgmental, like the majority of people posting in this thread, then I wouldn't tell them the true number.
Personally I've been in relationship for over 5 years, and also lived the 'single life' so to speak although my 'number' isn't as high as OP's. My behaviour in relationships is entirely different and I would never dream of cheating or acting promiscuously when in a relationship so I think it is wrong to judge people purely on this.
OP it depends on the person you are with - some people accept it and are able to understand that no matter how many people you have slept with in the past, it is not indicative of your behaviour in a relationship. Being single and being in a relationship are entirely different and if you are with someone that can accept that then telling them the truth isn't a problem, but if you are with someone judgmental, like the majority of people posting in this thread, then I wouldn't tell them the true number.
Personally I've been in relationship for over 5 years, and also lived the 'single life' so to speak although my 'number' isn't as high as OP's. My behaviour in relationships is entirely different and I would never dream of cheating or acting promiscuously when in a relationship so I think it is wrong to judge people purely on this.
Original post by black_mamba
But that poster implied that lots of sex = low standards, which is another HUGE assumption. (True or false is not the point here, the point is why do people assume things).
Why are people so prudish here about sex? Just because someone can enjoy plenty of sex doesn't imply anything about their standards.
I give up with this thread.
Why are people so prudish here about sex? Just because someone can enjoy plenty of sex doesn't imply anything about their standards.
I give up with this thread.
In today's world, I think that's becoming more and more subjective, people are split on this issue.
To me, loads of sexual partners= low standards. Loads of sex and very very few partners is much more preferable.
I don't think it's a case of being prudish, some people still view sex as something intimate and would prefer to reserve it for people special to them.
Original post by babygirl110
To me, loads of sexual partners= low standards.
Strange logic but ok, I don't think I am going to change your mind on this.
To me you could have many sexual partners and still have high standards if the circumstances are right (ability to attract people easily hence you can still be very picky) ... assuming it is always the case that high numbers mean shagging people you don't like nor trust to me is just naive.
Oh well. I said I'd given up so I will.
OP: please be true to yourself. People will always judge so might as well weed out the people who don't agree with your lifestyle by being honest, as I said in my 1st post here.
(edited 13 years ago)
I think it depends alot on your demeanour and who you are.
If you were say, an Arab woman who wears a face veil then many men could be quite surprised and even shocked.
But if you are a Western woman who wears short skirts then I don't think anyone would be that surprised - you are in your early 20s after all (it's not as though you're 16!) so this is probably quite normal. Most women like to experiment a bit and sample what's on offer.
If you were say, an Arab woman who wears a face veil then many men could be quite surprised and even shocked.
But if you are a Western woman who wears short skirts then I don't think anyone would be that surprised - you are in your early 20s after all (it's not as though you're 16!) so this is probably quite normal. Most women like to experiment a bit and sample what's on offer.
Original post by black_mamba
Strange logic but ok, I don't think I am going to change your mind on this.
To me you could have many sexual partners and still have high standards if the circumstances are right (ability to attract people easily hence you can still be very picky) ... assuming it is always the case that high numbers mean shagging people you don't like nor trust to me is just naive.
Oh well. I said I'd given up so I will.
OP: please be true to yourself. People will always judge so might as well weed out the people who don't agree with your lifestyle by being honest, as I said in my 1st post here.
To me you could have many sexual partners and still have high standards if the circumstances are right (ability to attract people easily hence you can still be very picky) ... assuming it is always the case that high numbers mean shagging people you don't like nor trust to me is just naive.
Oh well. I said I'd given up so I will.
OP: please be true to yourself. People will always judge so might as well weed out the people who don't agree with your lifestyle by being honest, as I said in my 1st post here.
Most people don't feel the way some express here on TSR. A lot of women lie about their number (almost always to their boyfriends and they buy it), which gives a wrong impression on what's 'normal'. Also, some people here are sexually frustrated and need a way to take it out. If you're attractive and attract attractive guys, enjoy it.
Just keep it a secret if you like the guy and think it's going to make you look bad. No need to lie.
Original post by *Lollo*
Most people don't feel the way some express here on TSR. A lot of women lie about their number (almost always to their boyfriends and they buy it), which gives a wrong impression on what's 'normal'. Also, some people here are sexually frustrated and need a way to take it out. If you're attractive and attract attractive guys, enjoy it.
I know, well at least I'd hope so. It's just so depressing to see how attitudes towards women's sexuality is so different than to men's. I know this exists but I always try to pretend it doesn't to keep myself sane.
Quite scary to acually see it in writing on here.
Ok, firstly OP ignore anyone that is branding you a slag
I can see that it would kind of be a put-off for guys that are looking for a relationship, even tho it shouldn't. I suppose a lot of people's view is, if you'd had a lot of sex then you aren't GF material or something
Just don't mention if, if they ask you don't need to lie, just explain that, that was your past and you prefer to take things slower now as you want something more meaningful.
I can see that it would kind of be a put-off for guys that are looking for a relationship, even tho it shouldn't. I suppose a lot of people's view is, if you'd had a lot of sex then you aren't GF material or something
Just don't mention if, if they ask you don't need to lie, just explain that, that was your past and you prefer to take things slower now as you want something more meaningful.
I wouldn't give a ****.
Original post by lovely_me
Do you think any differently of men who sleep around a lot? 
Guys who sleep around a lot?
They fall into several categories for me.
-They do because they can
-they're bad at relationships
-They are cheating
-Believe numbers maketh the man
-bragging rights
-They're not at all fussy and dont care about 100 "no get lost" replies but just that one "ok then"
They're dogs as far as I am concerned, not saying I wouldn't go back with an attractive girl but I'm not up for casual sex with a girl who doesn't float my boat and I definitely will not shag a drunk girl. Absolutely not, too much **** and the sex is terrible anyways.
Quality>quantity.
I think its cheap behaviour really and most often than not they will have an STD and thats just wrong in my mind to have casual sex and not even get checked. Herpes is a big factor when dealing with these types of guys.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by sarahthegemini
Ok, firstly OP ignore anyone that is branding you a slag
I can see that it would kind of be a put-off for guys that are looking for a relationship, even tho it shouldn't. I suppose a lot of people's view is, if you'd had a lot of sex then you aren't GF material or something Just don't mention if, if they ask you don't need to lie, just explain that, that was your past and you prefer to take things slower now as you want something more meaningful.
I can see that it would kind of be a put-off for guys that are looking for a relationship, even tho it shouldn't. I suppose a lot of people's view is, if you'd had a lot of sex then you aren't GF material or something
Just don't mention if, if they ask you don't need to lie, just explain that, that was your past and you prefer to take things slower now as you want something more meaningful.You see ladies n gents, this is where women fail to understand the reason why its bad as a girl to tell your Bf you've had 20+ shags.
You do not say to a guy how many cocks you have had inside of you. He PICTURES them with you, dont you understand.
Why dont you do men a favour (yes you women) and do what you've always been good at, pure un-adulterated lying.
Original post by HARRY PUTAH
You see ladies n gents, this is where women fail to understand the reason why its bad as a girl to tell your Bf you've had 20+ shags.
You do not say to a guy how many cocks you have had inside of you. He PICTURES them with you, dont you understand.
Why dont you do men a favour (yes you women) and do what you've always been good at, pure un-adulterated lying.
You do not say to a guy how many cocks you have had inside of you. He PICTURES them with you, dont you understand.
Why dont you do men a favour (yes you women) and do what you've always been good at, pure un-adulterated lying.
Ah I get where your comin from.
But it really isn't always women that lie.
And op seriously tell'em the truth. It'll cause trouble after
Original post by black_mamba
Sex is not something women 'give away' or 'give up'. It's something they can enjoy too you know.
Bloody hell.
Bloody hell.
I did provide possible alternatives, and congratulations for failing to acknowledge them. As has been said already, it is not likely that OP has had around four meaningful relationships per year for five years. From this we can deduce that a lot of her encounters were relatively meaningless. Some people value sex as more personal and intimate. Your body is your temple and you only have one. If you make it free admission it will be abused and not respected and treasured in the way it should be.
For some, sex is purely about fun. It could be that OP is extremely attractive and all her encounters are also extremely attractive, but that is very unlikely, suggesting a lowering of standards. More of a "you'll do" mentality as opposed to an "only you".
On top of that is the shame. Again it is unlikely that every person OP meets will be respectable and caring and all the rest. At some point, she will realise that maybe one or two of them turned out to be not so nice guys, and then she will regret letting them shoot in her mouth and insert their fingers just a tiny way into her bum.
They say it is a numbers game and all about taking your chances. In most cases it is the male that approaches the female to engage in sexual intercourse. When propositioned as such, all the weight and power of the situation is placed with the female. She can accept or reject, seeing as the male has played his cards. This means that a lot of guys, many of whom would be of average stature and below, would have made advances towards OP, with a very small possibility of a meaningful and lasting relationship, and would have been successful in their quest to fullfill their desires, using our OP as a shell, or just a vessell for their penises.
Thus we can conclude that she is either needy or easy, or a combination of the two. If ever I were desperate, I might consider a trip to find OP. I'm sure I wouldn't need to put much effort into it. I notice that you and some others are defending her behaviour, to which I can only assume is because you behave in a very similar manner, of which you are ashamed and do not wish to be branded a slag.
Original post by oh-sugarrr
Ah I get where your comin from.
But it really isn't always women that lie.
And op seriously tell'em the truth. It'll cause trouble after
But it really isn't always women that lie.
And op seriously tell'em the truth. It'll cause trouble after
No, do not tell him the truth FFS.
Original post by TheRealDarthVader
I notice that you and some others are defending her behaviour, to which I can only assume is because you behave in a very similar manner, of which you are ashamed and do not wish to be branded a slag.
My number is similar to the OPs, and although I am a little older, that still makes our relative behaviours about the same. So by default I'm a slut in your eyes too, without you even bothering to understand the backstory.
(assuming common definition of slut being someone who sleeps around causing harm, as opposed to just someone who sleeps around).I'll say that all the encounters I've had that have been outside a stable relationship have been safe and I am not just being 'used', I am doing it for my own pleasure. I have approached approx half of the men I have seen casually (I'm very forward with men and have posted about this in the past). I have never regretted sleeping with anyone as I always take my time to consider if I like and trust them first. I get a lot of attention from men and could have easily slept with 500+ by now but simply do not want to say yes to every man that offers (believe it or not, I have ridiculously high standards).
Therefore I am doing no harm, and am therefore not a slut.
It seems you cannot fathom how it is possible for a woman to be highly sexual and not be wreckless at the same time. I noticed you said short encounters = meaningless but I beg to differ. Sex doesn't have to be enjoyed only in the confines of a long term relationship. Sex for the sake of physical pleasure isn't neccessarily meaningless if you have the right mentality about it (I've even formed lasting friendships out of some of my 'casual' encounters). If its not for you, that's fair enough, but you seem keen to brandish any lifestyle different to your own as 'slutty'.
And no I am not ashamed, because I am doing NOTHING WRONG. Jebus.
Your body is your temple and you only have one. If you make it free admission it will be abused and not respected and treasured in the way it should be.
LOL. That sums your atittude up nicely. Once again you are ASSUMING that high numbers = free admission. I also don't agree that having lots of sex is not respecting your body. Having lots of irresponsible sex (no protection, under the influence, no standards, poor communication etc.) is not respecting your body. See the difference?
You:
lots of unsafe, wreckless sex = wrong
lots of safe, responsible sex = still wrong
Me:
lots of unsafe, wreckless sex = wrong
lots of safe, responsible sex = perfectly fine
Get it?
(edited 13 years ago)
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