The Student Room Group

Lesbian

I think I am bisexual? I have slept with a women before during uni it was amazing and over the years I’ve spoken to and flirted with many but never took it seriously, I only watch girl on girl porn and often fantasise about women. The problem is I am in a relationship and have been for a while, I also have recently had a child so I don’t know what to do? I don’t feel the love or attraction for my partner there is no sexual desire but I do not want to hurt him. I also don’t know if I am just curious or bisexual so I don’t want to leave him Incase I’m rushing into something
Very reckless that you've added a child into your lalaland. You should not lead people on, tell him. He should know and decide what he wants to do with this information. The deciding factor shouldn't just be when you figure it out. Wasting his time....
Reply 2
Original post by nonchalant-
Very reckless that you've added a child into your lalaland. You should not lead people on, tell him. He should know and decide what he wants to do with this information. The deciding factor shouldn't just be when you figure it out. Wasting his time....

He knows I’ve slept with women I’ve been very open about this prior to our relationship. He often makes jokes and hints so I think he truthfully knows. That being sad I didn’t ask for judgement
Reply 3
Tbh I need a female I could speak to about this not the perspective of a male
Sorry, but confused by the title. Do you mean you know think you're bisexual, cause that's a little confusing considering you slept with women (and I assume men considering your partner is a man too.)

I'm a bi woman, but if you're not attracted to your male partner, I wouldn't necessarily make the straight jump to assume you're fully lesbian just yet. Did you feel compelled to date your partner due to societal pressies once you left the uni environment?

Also, have you NEVER felt anything for your partner? That's more concerning if you haven't. Your child WILL pick up on that as they grow older if both their parents don't love each other
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous #2
Sorry, but confused by the title. Do you mean you know think you're bisexual, cause that's a little confusing considering you slept with women (and I assume men considering your partner is a man too.)

I'm a bi woman, but if you're not attracted to your male partner, I wouldn't necessarily make the straight jump to assume you're fully lesbian just yet. Did you feel compelled to date your partner due to societal pressies once you left the uni environment?

Also, have you NEVER felt anything for your partner? That's more concerning if you haven't. Your child WILL pick up on that as they grow older if both their parents don't love each other

Yes bisexual not lesbian
No I did love him but I just feels strong desire for women and that my attraction and feelings towards him are fading we have been together several years now the spark has just gone
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous #1
Tbh I need a female I could speak to about this not the perspective of a male

You can PM me.
Reply 7
Well I will write here what I think, it might be worth it for others in similar situation too.

Have you ever though of Polyamory?
I mean, you said you had feelings for your partner and it seems to be mutual. Now you feel you need some female sexual relationship yet don't want to leave your partner. Why not adding a relationship with a female to fulfill your needs. Talk to your partner about it. It may even revoke the feelings you had for him too.

Talk to me if you want. I'm a bi female who was in poly relationship before and it was good, complicated but good.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Yes bisexual not lesbian
No I did love him but I just feels strong desire for women and that my attraction and feelings towards him are fading we have been together several years now the spark has just gone

The attraction you feel for someone can fade if you let things get boring if you've been together for several years. You fall into a routine, it's why some people try and argue that monogamy isn't a natural biologically. You need to keep the attraction going. While going poly could be an option, I don't think experimenting with that until you discover it's for you is wise given you have a very young child.

From what you've explained so far, I don't see how being with a women is going to help, as surely the same thing will happen in a few years once you're with a women

I'm sure speaking the the commenter above will help too. Have you tried reaching out to a councillor who specialises with LGBTQ+? They should help you talk through you feelings to discuss if this is a relationship to stay in.

Again I'm bi, and this seems like grass is greener mentality. (I've dated women as well, trust me, men and and women can both come with equal problems in relationships.) Good luck!

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