Dear you,
I reckon I've needed to write this for a good month now, but I've never really been confident enough to admit to myself the situation we're now in. We used to be such good friends, admittedly, our friendship never had what i really hoped for in a friendship, but it was enough to keep me content.
But the past few months, you've changed. And as i write this, i have so many things rushing through my brain that i need to say. But, i think it all boils down to the fact, you've simply changed. Your not what you were 6 months ago, and that hurts.
I feel like I'm the one that puts all the effort in, i try my hardest to see you whenever i can, i try my best to make you happy; i get on with your parents, i care for your sisters, i try to do what most girls want from a friendship. But it just never seems appreciated. To me, it all feels one sided, and lately, I've started to feel like I'm now just a nuisance.
If you know this or not, i care for you a lot more than you think. But lately, I'm starting to think 'what's the point'. You put me down more than you realise, and comments you make are starting to hurt. I've tried telling you all this, but i don't think you truly understand.
All i ever want in a friendship, is love and trust. Just to be able to sit and have a cuddle and a conversation. But even that, i get the impression, is just too much to ask. And now I'm battling with myself constantly over whether I'm over reacting.
I just feel like everything is coming from me, and even when you blame me for ridiculous things, it all has an effect. I'm sorry to myself, for constantly apologizing for things that just aren't my fault. I'm beginning to think that this friendship isn't going no-where.
But, at the same time, i want to fight for it. We were strong, we got on well together, and i enjoyed being with you, and i think you feel the same. And i so desperately want that back.
Then again, i don't know how much more i can emotionally take. I just want to tell myself i'll give it all one more shot, and if it doesn't work, i'll move on, but i just see myself letting you walk straight back into my life as you please.
I don't think you properly realise the effort i put in, little silly things, waiting for you to reply when you never actually do, asking you about what's happening in your life, trying to convey an interest in your hobbies. I don't suppose it would hurt to return the favor every now and again.
I can take a joke just as much as the next lad, but everything seems to be wearing thin now. All i want is honesty, love, and trust, the rest comes naturally. I'm sick of being a doormat, and i get the feeling I'm just being used, as and when you need me.
At the same time, I'm battling with myself that your not like that, and maybe I'm just completely blowing everything out of proportion. I think all i need right now, is a hug off you, and things to go back like they were, just for you to actually show care.
Love,
Me x