I realised overnight, in the midst of my brains usual stuff;
I've been a really awful person at times in the past because of my depression.
no, that's not fair, the depression was my excuse to myself and how I deluded myself I did nothing wrong for so long.
Spoiler
I don't expect any of you to understand this post but that's okay, it's not for anyone else, it's for me to remember this and who knows maybe for my friends in the unlikely event they read it.
but yeah, I was a real ****, but I know that now and I need to make sure I don't act that way ever again.
I spoilered the main part of this cause it might be triggering or confusing to people.
could you ask local charities prehaps? i know when my sister moves into a new flat shes getting £100 voucher for a local cheaap furniture shop to buy stuff because she has nothing and is having a baby in september... might be worth a shot
in pain and feeling like ****, i literally dont know what to do about anything, but no tears left after last night cant do this at the moment
Fridge cost us £85 from a second hand shop. It was cheap and lasted a year. I called dad to figure out what to do and he said best get a new one with a warranty and everything, and he will help us out with costs. I am so ridiculously grateful for my Dad. He is the best person in the world, going to be such a good Grandad to our baby.
I keep gettting confused and don'[t know what is reality and waht isn't anyore. feel like i am dreaming but awkawe or something i don't know i don't understand. it scares me . happened in my last exam and i was spaced out couldn;t thihnk or aything . feel like everything isnt real anymore. i keep feling like i am going crazy. i don't want this
I keep gettting confused and don'[t know what is reality and waht isn't anyore. feel like i am dreaming but awkawe or something i don't know i don't understand. it scares me . happened in my last exam and i was spaced out couldn;t thihnk or aything . feel like everything isnt real anymore. i keep feling like i am going crazy. i don't want this
Try not to worry too much - lots of people feel like they're going crazy at one time or another, but generally these things pass. Can you think of any common factor between the times it's happened, like maybe stress from the exam? If it's something like anxiety then there are a range of treatments that might help. I'd recommend speaking to your doctor about this - they won't judge you, and they might be able to reassure you/help you out.
Hang on in there. There's time to work out what you are going to say. You don't have to say anything which makes you too uncomfortable.
I'm trying my best. I only have like 3 days left till the meeting; I really need to think about what I'm going to say. If I tell them just about my low mood and my social problems/anxiety I would not be fully cared for.
I've been having severe battles this morning; my head feels like it's going to explode. I want to tell my mum about this; I just don't know how I can tell her about this, after all she'll be horrified. I would like to tell you about some of the things I've done, but I wouldn't be able to do it over the internet.
I know how severe this is now; it's like I've been possessed by something and there's a few of me now. Me doesn't want myself to tell them about me, because brain just wants me to talk about the quiet, shy, harmless Akshay. It could be because it wants to divert attention away from my very violent and dangerous me.
It's not your fault. It's a natural part of life and happens to almost everyone. The only reason it's happening to them is because they're the people you notice it happening to. Even if it is linked to you, if it wasn't you it'd be somebody else. You're a wonderful person and people appreciate you for it (take it from me).
Not feeling all that great. It's a bit of a rant probably so i'll shove it in spoilers...
Spoiler
But on the bright side, after the social aspect of my leaver's party was over with I actually had some fun. I spent the time after it with a few friends and by the end of it i'd sorta forgotten about the bad parts. I actually felt safe at night too, probably because I was with friends. Best of all one of my friends was complimentary of me and then spent the rest of today helping me organise things which i've been wanting to for a while.
Big shout out to 08batee for consoling me earlier today. The headlines about the runaway student and teacher who is being jailed brought back memories/feelings Feeling better now though - hopefully things will stay that way
it's okay, it will all be okay and it's not your fault that your step dad is being mean and stuff! you can talk to me as well and I will make sure you are okay
Big shout out to 08batee for consoling me earlier today. The headlines about the runaway student and teacher who is being jailed brought back memories/feelings Feeling better now though - hopefully things will stay that way
that's good she helped you! hope things are okay for you!
Big shout out to 08batee for consoling me earlier today. The headlines about the runaway student and teacher who is being jailed brought back memories/feelings Feeling better now though - hopefully things will stay that way
I barely did anything hun! Glad you're feeling better though
I have fat fingers too! This is why I was never gonna be a concert pianist: don't have the right hands for it. It's nothing to do with lack of practice on my part or anything
I have fat fingers too! This is why I was never gonna be a concert pianist: don't have the right hands for it. It's nothing to do with lack of practice on my part or anything
Haha! Of course not
I have never thought of that: I can blame my epic failure at trying to learn piano on that! Nothing to do with the fact I could never read music or anything ( ), just that I have fat sausage fingers
I have never thought of that: I can blame my epic failure at trying to learn piano on that! Nothing to do with the fact I could never read music or anything ( ), just that I have fat sausage fingers
How did you guys explain yourself to your parents, how did you tell your parents how you felt?
I don't really remember, tbh. I think I probably chickened out and made one of my sisters do it initially, when I first got really ill I do remember once I came back from uni and started living at home again, I sat my mum down with the NHS's webpage on psychosis and went through it line by line, explaining how it applied to me/manifests in my life. My CPN also gave me some leaflets to give to my parents. My dad refused to read them but my mum did
I realised overnight, in the midst of my brains usual stuff;
I've been a really awful person at times in the past because of my depression.
no, that's not fair, the depression was my excuse to myself and how I deluded myself I did nothing wrong for so long.
Spoiler
I don't expect any of you to understand this post but that's okay, it's not for anyone else, it's for me to remember this and who knows maybe for my friends in the unlikely event they read it.
but yeah, I was a real ****, but I know that now and I need to make sure I don't act that way ever again.
I spoilered the main part of this cause it might be triggering or confusing to people.
I think I must have read this this morning when I was half-asleep or something, coz I did mean to reply to this earlier