Been feeling so awful. This summer was rock bottom for me. Like the ******* useless idiot I am I missed my Oxford offer by one ******* grade. Been going through a million things and not sure what to do at all. I managed to get a place at another top ten university but I feel like a failure. I feel awful and ungrateful. The uni I'm going to offers the course I want and I'm so happy with all that but I feel that I'm missing out on what could have been. It's my own fault. I spent so long building up to Oxford and now it's gone, just like that. Since results day I've barely left my house, not eating well, just feeling like utter ****. I feel like I've lost the one thing that's been keeping my going and I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I've been struggling my whole life and now it feels I don't have any reason to anymore. I'm just so lost and I don't know what to do. It feels like everyone around me is happy and doing well and I've failed. ****. I wanted it so badly.