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Original post by haseeb_jarral786
Sorry for leaving this late ...


I'm unable to view your documents is there another way you could send these to me? I'm desperate!
Reply 21
Have u got word on ur phone?
If not give me ur email ill email it

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Reply 22
the only problem with that was you repeated the word 'the' to often there needs to be a range of sentence starter or vocabulary, other than that it was very good.
dam haseeb_jarral, i wish can use my vocab s the way use use yours.the problem with me is i can't find the righ combination of vocab s to use and so my paragraph brakes down completely because of it. do you know any why i can improve my vocab combination .
they was a girl with long golden hair that shined in the sun
Hello, can you mark mine?
Original post by haseeb_jarral
Enjoy reading :smile:
Wow this is amazing!
Reply 27
Thank you 😊
Original post by haseeb_jarral
Hi, all!
I thought it would be a good idea to have one place where you could find examples of the big 40 marker on paper 1 - creative writing.
Feel free to include your own examples (I've added one too :smile:).


Hello how do you do Question 3
I dont know how many mark could get for this description but could you please gve it an honest mark
Brooklyn.
It was a city that never slept.The concrete jungle came alive; as the thousands of ostentatious windows on the high-rise buildings look like a million sparkling diamonds. The neon signs and giant billboards illuminate the streets full of bars and clubs. This really is the city that never sleeps.
A sulphurous glow gleamed from the brilliantly lit buildings, like fireflies. Illuminated like a birthday cake, the streets were the benefactor nightlife.Jovial, ecstatic, energetic - the city was alive. Leisurely, multitudes and multitudes of tourists sauntered across the road; that was engulfed with cascades of cars. A saline tang of fried, fatty food wafted in the air, mingling with the pungent pollution.The fluorescent lights were blinding. Blue and orange , and yet they were a source of vibrancy. Contrasting to the yellow ball of fire that changed to hues of orange, and then almost tangerine. It merged with the sky, like juice-mix dissolving in a glass of water. The clouds were cotton-candy, as though they blushed at the warm touch of the sun. Silhouettes of birds flew home across a sky that was now magenta; and the sun was half into the water, but its reflection in the sea made it look complete. The mauve of the dusky sky intensified, and in just a while, the biggest star had set, giving way to a thousand others.sunset that serenely glowed in the background, the darkness engulfed the last ray of golden hope and left the city lights glinted. The traffic tasted like burnt toast dipped in gasoline and it bleed through the streets.Beyond the horizon, the sun illuminated the shimmering haze of pollution. In the far distance, the silhouette of the skyline pierced through the warm glow like a jagged mountain ridge. Millions of lights caused the dense mass of skyscrapers glitter. People were needle points and cars were blood cells flowing through the veins of the city. Despite the time, the hustle and bustle never came to a halt. Now the sky was in complete darkness and it seemed like the clouds had gotten a sudden fascination for the moon and wrapped themselves around it. The moon's faint glow passed through them, coloring them white from grey.The faint sound of sirens wailing into the distance, piercing through the silence of the busy people; reminding me of the sharp taste of the police force.The taste of the brisk cold air penetrating your lungs, sour and sweet like the bitter sweetness of love. The purposeless plastic bag floating above you, unnoticed it passed. Inside the warmth of the building floods throughyour body; outside the coldness is absorbed like a sponge.If the city wasn’t so brightly lit you would see the stars dotted about like a midnight dress full of precious stones drifting across the heavens.
Reply 30
Original post by haseeb_jarral
Hi, all!
I thought it would be a good idea to have one place where you could find examples of the big 40 marker on paper 1 - creative writing.
Feel free to include your own examples (I've added one too :smile:).


Hi, I was wondering if you could ,maybe look over a description I wrote? I have my mock in 2 days and need some feedback. Thanks!
Thats 😉
(edited 6 years ago)
Reply 32
If you want to magpie phrases or ideas go to https://www.descriptionari.com/ here you can write a key word and you will be able to see other people write about it. Their description is really good!
Thank you so much, I really struggle with creative writing so all of you have been a great help :smile:
whats happening in the story?
I've written on one too….
THE STORMY NIGHT
The wind shuddered and yelled in anger banging Grazella's car merciless.The velvet-dark night had already engulfed the mighty king!The unstoppable wind that tossed and twisted the brittle leaves shook the late night from its soundless sleep. The ground was dipped and soaked in water; wet and stung by cold. Grazella was admits the long,marooned pathway with her dingy car helpless.The car was down and she dared step out while the clouds were howling and the lighting lashing down.A sense of terror and tension curled her ,that even the drop of her sweat was encompassed with fright. Loneliness crawled via her legs till her head as she sat on the edge of the seat pleading for the night sky to bless her lucky star.Nevertheless she was unaware about the fact that even her luck was cursed that night ,that storm!
Grazella then noticed the two grey amorphous figure under the rosewood tree,covered with black hoodie. She reached out for help…a moment of doubt did strike her but she wanted to get away, get out from that car,that suffocating ,horrendous car.
"HELP," desperation laced her voice as it tore through the stormy night like a tornado;raw and echoed.The next thing she remembered in that terrible night was running fast, faster than anytime …to save her dignity,her self-respect,her self from those men. She stumbled but her legs threatened to give up.Rough edge rocks tore her clothes, slashing her trousers yet she dared to stop. Cold storm bite her hard , her lungs burnt like fire ablating the sky, even her breathe got caught in the throat but she was adamant to save her self. But..
They caught her hair,twisted her hands, pulled her closer, smelled her hair as she turned away in disgust and then threw her to the ground giving a smirk. The 'touch' of them spread through her nerves like icy,liquid metal. Defeaning ringings of horror vibrated in her ears, her skin drenched in pain as not even the harsh water showed mercy on her.She was drowned in perspiration as she closed her fits tight and dug her nails straight into the palm.Now even her throat was shut in threat.This time she bit her lips a little harder. Her voice became erratic , louder , harder.Her body writhed to let go, her eyes pleaded to leave her alone, her slow moans and sobs were unnoticed and ignored by the storm,but then- She let it go. She loosened her wrists,her eyes welled up ,her breath shallow, she layed there helplessly as they got off and kicked her to the side of the pavement.
Her heart could beat all it wanted to but she dared not move until the few rays of light penetrated the darkness of her life. The light spilt but a little broken and not enough to reach her soul.She moved her hands and rested on the edgy ground which was few hours back submerged in water.She saw the red bruises on her arms that the stormy night had brought it with itself. Grazella could hardly feel her toes;numb and sore. Her fingers;fragile and lifeless. She was still lying there waiting and breathing…

#just a little try for a story
#please let me know how the story was!
#Thankyou!
I've written on one too….
THE STORMY NIGHT
The wind shuddered and yelled in anger banging Grazella's car merciless.The velvet-dark night had already engulfed the mighty king!The unstoppable wind that tossed and twisted the brittle leaves shook the late night from its soundless sleep. The ground was dipped and soaked in water; wet and stung by cold. Grazella was admits the long,marooned pathway with her dingy car helpless.The car was down and she dared step out while the clouds were howling and the lighting lashing down.A sense of terror and tension curled her ,that even the drop of her sweat was encompassed with fright. Loneliness crawled via her legs till her head as she sat on the edge of the seat pleading for the night sky to bless her lucky star.Nevertheless she was unaware about the fact that even her luck was cursed that night ,that storm!
Grazella then noticed the two grey amorphous figure under the rosewood tree,covered with black hoodie. She reached out for help…a moment of doubt did strike her but she wanted to get away, get out from that car,that suffocating ,horrendous car.
"HELP," desperation laced her voice as it tore through the stormy night like a tornado;raw and echoed.The next thing she remembered in that terrible night was running fast, faster than anytime …to save her dignity,her self-respect,her self from those men. She stumbled but her legs threatened to give up.Rough edge rocks tore her clothes, slashing her trousers yet she dared to stop. Cold storm bite her hard , her lungs burnt like fire ablating the sky, even her breathe got caught in the throat but she was adamant to save her self. But..
They caught her hair,twisted her hands, pulled her closer, smelled her hair as she turned away in disgust and then threw her to the ground giving a smirk. The 'touch' of them spread through her nerves like icy,liquid metal. Defeaning ringings of horror vibrated in her ears, her skin drenched in pain as not even the harsh water showed mercy on her.She was drowned in perspiration as she closed her fits tight and dug her nails straight into the palm.Now even her throat was shut in threat.This time she bit her lips a little harder. Her voice became erratic , louder , harder.Her body writhed to let go, her eyes pleaded to leave her alone, her slow moans and sobs were unnoticed and ignored by the storm,but then- She let it go. She loosened her wrists,her eyes welled up ,her breath shallow, she layed there helplessly as they got off and kicked her to the side of the pavement.
Her heart could beat all it wanted to but she dared not move until the few rays of light penetrated the darkness of her life. The light spilt but a little broken and not enough to reach her soul.She moved her hands and rested on the edgy ground which was few hours back submerged in water.She saw the red bruises on her arms that the stormy night had brought it with itself. Grazella could hardly feel her toes;numb and sore. Her fingers;fragile and lifeless. She was still lying there waiting and breathing…

#just a little try for a story
#please let me know how the story was!
#Thankyou!
(edited 6 years ago)
Hi everybody I am going to attach a descriptive piece of writing.I am a year 8 student and I would love to receive some feedback on it.
very good and detailed but you need meaning in it. Dont just wass but right what is in your heart.
Original post by Ayub2005
Hi everybody I am going to attach a descriptive piece of writing.I am a year 8 student and I would love to receive some feedback on it.

well done s9 standard

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