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The **** I went through at school is still ****ing me up Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks.

    They didn't get to ruin my life - I didn't kill myself (obviously) because I realised they didn't earn the satisfaction, and never having friends to do anything else with meant I got great exam results and am doing exactly what I want in a uni I love. I have friends here, I'm happy here.

    My life now is good, that's what makes me feel like an ungrateful git for being so affected by this, because it's not still happening. But all the old problems are still there, just buried deep within and capable of erupting at odd times.

    Does that sound really bad?
    You ARE NOT an ungrateful git. You seem grateful for what you have now, but I think most people would still feel sad about their past if they went through what you did. When you said that the bullies were smart, they were not. They may be smart in some ways but definitely not morally. They're complete idiots to think that bullying someone so much that they almost kill themselves is fun or whatever.

    As for your situation now, maybe just talk to people face to face about it, get it off your chest more and let people sympathesis with you, you deserve it after all these years. The memories will never go away completely, but once you've created many new happy memories they won't matter so much.

    I'm really sorry that the first part of your life was like that, I hope you or anyone else doesn't have to go through that again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've tried burying it already - I've buried it for years. However, something's happened to open them up again, and I don't think I can bury it so well again. There's a lot of pain there, and ironically I think now it's not all happening I'm actually in a better place to deal with it.
    Probably an object or a person, which made you remember it, if you cannot repress it just talk to a uni counsellor, someone where you can let it out and be confidential.

    Sorry, my advice is not good but seeing you living such a good life but because of your past, there is a risk of it being ruined and that is a shame.
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    Go and take a **** on the doorsteps of all those who've ****ed with you. It sounds like a lot, so you may wanna get some animal **** in a sack to help out.
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    I can feel where you coming from but not to the extent you at. I still get a lot of that at work where ive been working for two and half year. The people there just wont apreciate me and would always ignore my contribution in the discussion. Everyone just wants that one fallguy to release all their insecurities and these guys decided it was me. I would enter work with high confidence and leave on a low. Its funny becasue I never had these problems elsewhere. The good thing for you its in the past whereas mine is still going. I guess those memories are strong in your head and I guess sometimes you just want to release the anger on someone. What worked for me was transferring that anger in boxing by punching a bag all day. Thats my advice as it worked for me and I reckon it will work for you. Punching a bag does wonders. If you have any other questions just PM me and il be happy to help.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My current friends think I'm relatively normal, I don't really want to bring this to their attention.

    Thing is, it's not going away. I had buried them, but for some reason it's coming out again and I don't really want to push it away again - I've done that, and it's not really healthy.

    Sorry your first high school was that bad.
    No one says your friends will not think you are still you if you go to counselling. They do not have to know. I would really recommend that you talk about this.

    I meet people with communication difficulties in my day job and sometimes spot unresolved issues in adults - and am sure that counselling would help - for the sake of future relationships - think about what it will be like talking to your children's teachers if you do not talk about what you went through with people who are trained to listen.
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    (Original post by pippa90)
    You ARE NOT an ungrateful git. You seem grateful for what you have now, but I think most people would still feel sad about their past if they went through what you did. When you said that the bullies were smart, they were not. They may be smart in some ways but definitely not morally. They're complete idiots to think that bullying someone so much that they almost kill themselves is fun or whatever.

    As for your situation now, maybe just talk to people face to face about it, get it off your chest more and let people sympathesis with you, you deserve it after all these years. The memories will never go away completely, but once you've created many new happy memories they won't matter so much.

    I'm really sorry that the first part of your life was like that, I hope you or anyone else doesn't have to go through that again.
    It does seem a bit though - everything's coming up roses now, but the past is still there. They were shrewd, but they were not good people, and my most fervent wish for any child of mine would be that they won't have to go through this, or if they do, that I'll never make them feel unable to tell me about it.

    (Original post by The Cornerstone)
    Probably an object or a person, which made you remember it, if you cannot repress it just talk to a uni counsellor, someone where you can let it out and be confidential.

    Sorry, my advice is not good but seeing you living such a good life but because of your past, there is a risk of it being ruined and that is a shame.
    I appreciate the concern, but they're coming out now (and yeah, I don't really know what it was, but those sound like plausible suggestions) and I don't think pushing them back in is the right thing to do anymore.
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    (Original post by ollienbert)
    No one says your friends will not think you are still you if you go to counselling. They do not have to know. I would really recommend that you talk about this.

    I meet people with communication difficulties in my day job and sometimes spot unresolved issues in adults - and am sure that counselling would help - for the sake of future relationships - think about what it will be like talking to your children's teachers if you do not talk about what you went through with people who are trained to listen.
    Out of interest, what sort of signs are there to spot? How would it affect talking to my childrens' teachers?
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    I'm really sorry to hear what you went through.
    I suffered during my education due to an illness... that I also got bullied over. I also contemplated suicide. I'm not at all comparing myself to you though. I'm sure yours was far worse. Autism is serious.

    How ever. I am a firm believer in the best offence being a strong defence. In the end there is never a cure, and no one can say anything to make it go away. Regardless of how bad it gets, as humans, we cope with it, accept it, and keep on going. Resiliency or ignorance.

    If you need help though, I suggest counselling. I went through several counsellors. The one I'm seeing at the moment is amazing, but all she's done is point out the obvious and make me realise that past is the past.
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    Bloody hell, I could have written all of this! Apart from the physical bullying. There was a tiny bit of that, come to think of it, but then it hasn't affected me as much.

    I don't have much advice, except time will do the trick and your memories will fade. I'm feeling better already, although I still have some problems and it's not like I can cure my AS.

    Thanks for not writing in a painfully sentimental manner by the way!
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    (Original post by chinaberry)
    Bloody hell, I could have written all of this! Apart from the physical bullying. There was a tiny bit of that, come to think of it, but then it hasn't affected me as much.

    I don't have much advice, except time will do the trick and your memories will fade. I'm feeling better already, although I still have some problems and it's not like I can cure my AS.

    Thanks for not writing in a painfully sentimental manner by the way!
    In a way, I feel like having autism makes it better - it doesn't justify what they did, but it means I can stop blaming myself. I mean, I know it is part of me, but having a reason for my behaviour makes 'it' accountable for the bullying, not really me. Does that make sense?

    And was it not painfully sentimental?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I went through a really dreadful time at school; I’ve since been diagnosed as being mildly autistic, but because my parents only believe in physical illness, I was never tested as a child in spite of being identified as a possible, and so never received help.

    Due to this condition, I never really fit in with other kids … and kids aren’t stupid, they picked up on the many ways that I was different and bullied me mercilessly for them. Teachers bullied me too. I don’t really want to dwell on what they did, but it was physical and extreme emotional bullying – there were days of end when I didn’t go into school, I very seriously considered suicide at one time, that sort of thing.

    I soon learnt telling people didn’t really help (I went to schools with ‘no bullying’ because they ignored any reports of it and didn’t keep any records) and I’m not a violent assertive person, so I took to just keeping it all inside of me. This carried on right up until I left school.

    I’ve been trying very hard to get over it – just forget about it, it’s been a few years since I was in that dark, dark place … but every now and then, things come up and I realise how much it’s still affecting me. A few months ago, I received an invitation to a reunion; I think it was just to taunt me, I never want to return there again, they can’t believe I would. Today, I was looking at an old photo of myself – really young, before all this happened – and thought, “You look so happy, but I know what’s going to happen to you.” Made me feel sad about it all over again.

    Because I was never really in an environment where I could discuss mental problems (for example, I could talk about a broken tooth I incurred; couldn’t say that they made me hide in the toilet crying), I never have dealt with it, just buried it deep within me and now it’s all coming out again … and I don’t know how to stop it, because I didn’t stop it then either, just I left school and the problem went away.

    I don’t really know what I’m hoping to do by posting – get it off my chest maybe, find comfort in people that have been through the same thing, I don’t know. Anyone got anything to say, or suggest?
    I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through that! =(
    The world is truly a *****, whether you have a condition or not, at some point in your life some "big shot" wanabee will try and intimidate or bully you.

    Don't let this experience bring you down, work as hard as you can and make something of your life, don't let them win, and do it for yourself!

    I hope that helped, I can't even begin to imagine what you went through, I had one person bully me in 6th form, and I thought that was bad enough!
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    I've always been the minority of the ethnic minority so I've had my fair share of racism. Can't be worse than that can it!?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    In a way, I feel like having autism makes it better - it doesn't justify what they did, but it means I can stop blaming myself. I mean, I know it is part of me, but having a reason for my behaviour makes 'it' accountable for the bullying, not really me. Does that make sense?

    And was it not painfully sentimental?
    Yeah, definately. An AS diagnosis can only be good (in my opinion), it gives reasons for everything. You finally fit in somewhere, if not the normal place. Do you still feel a bit like you'll never be normal, so (and don't say 'there isn't such a thing as normal'! 11 years of mainstream education have definately taught me otherwise) you'll always be a bit below other people? Like even if they're called a 'loser' and they don't have any interests and they're a bit pathetic...they're still above you, because they 'get it'. Sort of thing. Well, anyway.

    No, most people write in a really annoying overemotional way, you didn't really. A bit of self deprecation never goes amiss.
 
 
 
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