Eurgh. Everything's been so much worse again since I got back to uni. I was terrified of coming back because I know stress can often play a big role in making my anxiety & depression worse, and it definitely has so far. I've mentioned it to my personal tutor and the welfare tutor and I'm starting counselling again on Monday, but right now I feel so overwhelmed by everything.
I've got a piece of coursework (a 2,500 lab report in the style of a scientific paper which constitutes 40% of the marks of a 20-credit module) to do by the 24th (and I couldn't have started it any earlier because we only finished in the lab on Thursday this week) and I feel like I don't know what I'm doing with it at all, and feeling overwhelmed about it is making me procrastinate more. I keep getting upset about it around my boyfriend who keeps saying that I'll be fine because I'm clever but I don't feel fine or clever. I just feel like I want to give up and go home a lot of the time at the minute, I just feel like I don't want to be here, like I'm not good enough. I'm hoping it's just this piece of work and the time constraint and just not knowing where to start with it that's making me feel bad, because I don't think I could deal with feeling like this all year even though it's nowhere near as bad as I felt last year.
I just keep thinking "why?" - I'm studying at a great university and sitting on a 66% average from last year, I have a family who love me and a wonderful boyfriend who loves me (and who I'll have been with for 2 years next Saturday), yet I feel like giving up a lot of the time. I hate how mental illness can just happen and make you unhappy when you have no reason to be.